When the teenager inside you does not grow up!

Word of caution - This is going to be creepy!

What I talk about today is according to me the creepiest thing ever. You may judge hate whatever me. But this, my friend is the truth. And the only truth I have NEVER EVER EVER spoken about to ANYBODY. This is MY secret.
*****************************************************************

For the first time, at 15, I try curling my hair for a cousin's wedding. With my bunch of cousins we reach the venue and I immediately see him sitting beside the groom. My other cousin comes running to tell me how cute 'that guy' beside the groom is. In the next 15 minutes, she had managed to take all the information out and find out his name and place as well. A little later, I have my superly social mother call me and introduce me to some random people including 'that guy's' mum and 'that guy' and his brother. And just when I am done exchanging pleasantries with 'that guy's' mum and turn to say Hi to 'that guy', I notice a bunch of my other overtly excited teenage cousins nudging me and smiling at him. I still remember how awkward that moment was, and you could see 'that guy' loving every inch of it. He knew that all that attention was coming for him and began some random cute conversation with his brother, aloud. To be honest, I found the mom quite a snob. And 'that guy', dumb.

For the next whatever number of days my cousin was living with me, she would only rant about him. She in fact, got a key chain made of his name. Can you beat that!?! She was always crazy. Now, she is married to her Internet boyfriend.

After about a year or two, I see a familiar face looking back at me in the same way, at some random wedding. Thanks to my overtly social mother. And the round of hellos and hugging follow to fat aunties, sweet uncles, decked up girls and shy boys. My mother sends me to get her a glass of water and I come back to another random aunty and uncle, she is talking to. Once again, I am introduced to that 'snob aunty'. Wow. So, the face that that gave me i-am-familiar-with-you smile at the water cooler was 'THAT GUY'. Yes, he looked cute. He was cute after all, but he has a very very funny nose. The 'snob aunty' was a bitch. She introduced me to her husband as my mother's FUCKING SISTER, and then, "Oh! Sorry, Daughter." I could have punched her in the face. Just because I am fat and my face looks beaten up right now, does not mean I am 40! You fucking pretentious whore! I turn around and 'that guy' and I look at each other again. I sensed some stupid connection. And it felt nice.

After some months, I was chatting with my superly excited cousin. She had apparently gotten over him. Told her how I saw him at that wedding. She thought I had a thing for him too. I denied. It was not a complete lie, I would say. I did not crush for him. But, there was something. The kind of feeling you get when you think, this thing is more than just looking at each other at random weddings.

Then, after some years, came orkut. On a boring late night, I looked up for him. It was strange how I still remembered his name. I saw he had a blog. Checked it out and commented on it. From then on, we shared comments on each others' blogs. I knew whose blog I was commenting on. I don't think he did. We had our arguments. We had our agreements on our blogs. It tells you more about a person's mind. Then too, I never fell for him or felt attracted. Gradually, I stopped blogging and so did he. The comments stopped. The only direct connection with him was broken.

Some years later came Facebook and I noticed him on my cousin's husband's list. The first wedding where we had met. I check out his profile and find him in a different continent. He is in the same field as I am. This did interest me. Lucky me, he never had privacy settings. I could see all his wall posts and know not much but, vaguely about him and his life. In between, I meet my cousin and her husband with my mother. Over the years my mother and the 'snob aunty' have become friends. And my mum seems to be enquiring about 'that guy's' marriage. Yes, my mom is quite a match fixer too. She is always getting someone married. I guess, this comes from her being so overtly social and also being liked and trusted. I am a proud daughter of my mother.

I come back home and check his profile again. I do that for some one week and tadah! He is coming back to India. He he he. His wall posts told me that. ;) I also sort of found out that he is probably shifting back. Not too sure of that. Also, through his posts, I almost found that he has a girl fried or had and who she was/is. I cursed her. Prayed to God to conspire and make him meet me this time properly so that we become friends.

Gosh. After all this, I feel like a stalker. And for what? What the hell was I cursing/praying for? NO. I am not attracted to this man. I am NOT crushing on him. I am NOT in love with him. I am NOT... argh. What is it? It is confusing. Frustrating. Annoying. Fun. Gives me stupid teenage kick. Makes me giggle at myself. Makes me feel like a stalker, yes! WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?

Okay. I have an answer. Of all the people from my 'community', he is the one who so far fits my comfort the most, which makes him more 'marriageable' to me, according to me. He is from my community. Yes, such is my love for my mother that as my age increases, this thing is being drilled into me like crazy. We belong to the same field of work. He drinks. Yes. He gets a bonus point here. He is decent looking, except for the nose. The nose is HUGE n WEIRD. It almost covers his face. He has a younger brother who looks like, he will be allot of fun to have a brother-in-law as. LOL @ myself. And, the mothers know each other. Though I doubt she will like me. Stupid Snob Aunty. Actually, for that matter, if I am having an arranged marriage I doubt any of these dominating 40-50 year old women would like me for their sons. They might just accept me because of my mom. Everyone loves my mom. *Proud of you mommy. How do you do this?*

So, I have been contemplating of re starting my blog and leave a comment on his blog to start a conversation once again. Sounds weird to me too. I am scaring myself. I feel psychotic after saying this, because I am stalking someone without a reason. Wow! What a brilliant time pass to have for almost a decade now. Gosh. I have no idea what I will do. And I definitely have no idea what plans does God have. But, it is this feeling inside of me that says, we will meet again. I just know it inside of me. This feeling is bloody strong, which is why I get restless and do whatever stalking I have done. There is something. What? Time will tell. And if it is 'nothing'. I will laugh it off because all said and done. 'That guy' makes me feel like a superly excited teenager crushing on the guy in the class opposite hers. It is fun not knowing him yet finding out about him. Not being attracted to him yet praying to meet him. Not knowing what this connection, this feeling is, but believing in it. He does make my life exciting. ;)

Love 'n' Peace.

Hugs.
Kisses.

Gifted

"Can you all please shut up?", she screamed.
But we continued laughing.
In the midst of hysterical laughter on a lazy afternoon, another one interrupted.
"Don't you guys get it? She is with SH right now in the other room."
Apparently she was the only one who heard the entire screaming and understood what the screaming was for.
And the ignorant added, "So, what if she is with him in the other room?"
"His mother expired."
"Oh! I did not know that."
The funny one found this amusing,"Its okay man. If she is consoling him in the other room what has that got to do with what is happening in this room? And why are you guys reacting like this?"
"Because my parents are dead and I DO tend to get hyper on such things."

The room was filled with silence. The gloominess from the next room had travelled to this one.

An hour later, I see my mother's missed call.
"Listen! I have to choose 'Savings Bank' at the ATM na? And then?"
Despite having told her a billion times and she herself having it done some three-four times, her doubts surrounding technology will never die.
"Yes mom. And then your PIN and then the amount. Okay?"
"Okay. I am going to the ATM, if I have any problem out there. I will call you."
"Yes mom."
"And oh, please! Tomorrow is Solar Eclipse. Be careful. Do not touch any metals. Do not eat between 11:30 am till 3:30 pm. You can have fruits but no cooked food. Also do not eat...."
I was just too happy hearing her and feeling good about having a mother who maybe physically away, still is extremely concerned about even the smallest of things, to know what she continued warning for the next five minutes. Of course the smile on my face was also because of the funny situation where I am teaching her simple technology and she is talking me into myths.

Whenever I sit down to thank God. I have always and will continue to thank him the most for the people in my life. My parents, my friends, G and the people I am surrounded with for several reasons. But today was only more special. I feared losing them. My mom always told me to think of 'Death' everyday because according to her it makes the biggest loss a human being can face, just easier. Since then, I have tried facing and accepting death everyday. But I can not accept the hollowness that will come after that. I depend on her for so much more than emotional and worldly needs.

The relationship between a child and a parent is truly God's greatest gift. He may never ever never ever never ever make any child let go off the most beautiful thing that He himself ever created.

I have hardly stayed with my father all through my life and I always complained to God about it but it is only today that I can not stop thanking Him for he has at least given me a father who cares and is always there for me. He, who can show his love, even if it means virtually.

I am gifted. Gifted with the best gift, Mom and Papa. Today, I thank God for my biggest gift, strength, something that really is 'FOREVER N EVER N EVER'.

Who says Love dies?

Love 'n' Peace.

Hugs.
Kisses.

Love is a Funny Game

"Were you expecting something?"
"YES! My Flowers!"
She laughed, "Your Black Roses have arrived."
She hung up.

"Oh my Fucking God!"
"What happened? Who called?"
"It was my sister. My flowers have arrived."
"Are they not late?"
"I was not here, remember? So, they are bang on time."
"Wow..."
Cutting in, "And they are BLACK ROSES! FUCK! I can not get over that."
"Black Fucking Roses! Where did he find those?"
"I do not know and I do not care."
Drooling. Looking up.
"You know. I must have told him some random time of the day that I love and crave for Black Roses and Good Lord, FUCK! I don't believe he has sent me BLACK ROSES!"
"Lucky Bitch."

I run back home. The distance from P's house to mine seemed the longest that day. I just could not wait to get home and see what do my Black Roses look like? What is written in that little card?

I bang open the door to an irritating sister whom I had to chase, scream at and finally bribe for a movie to give me my hidden flowers. I find a beautiful bright bunch of Red and Yellow Roses. The thought of Black Roses had vanished. They were flowers from G. My first Valentines Day flowers. What more did I need. So what, if those flowers were begged for, from G ;). My sister thought it was cheap of me to ask him for flowers on our first Valentines. I did and I am not ashamed of it. :)

"You got my flowers?"
Panting, "Yes."
"Do you like them?"
Still panting, "Yes."
"You sound disappointed."
"I traveled, ran and screamed too much for these flowers. The excitement is going but I love them."
I assured him. He understood.

I wake up to those flowers everyday. They are kept right up on my head. The first thing I see when I shut and open my eyes are the yellow and red roses protruding out of the vase.

He thinks, we women find happiness in very small things. True. All women I know love the small things more. In fact, this one friend of mine is showered by expensive gifts at least 5 days a week. She hates it. She has actually started throwing his gifts away. It is easier to please women than it seems. My sister proved it to me in a big way today.

She was on a verge of a serious divorce. This issue was not taken too seriously by neither her husband nor her in laws, despite my parents getting involved. She had all the reason to leave him and never go back. It is never about a mistake when we break relationships but about natures. Unfortunately, he has some serious problems, which we could all see.

"He is coming tonight."
"So, finally after three months he thinks he should come here and ask you to come back?"
She smiles. She has defended him all through her 7 years of marriage with this smile.

They talk all night. They talk all through the day.

"L, I do not feel anything. I know what I want. I thought, his face would make me doubt my decision, but no. It just does not. And I am happy. I do not want to go back."

Mom goes to talk to him and is out of the room in no time, sobbing. She could not see his 'Sorry face'. Momssss.

By the evening, we are expecting him to leave.
"I think I want to give him another chance."
I look her straight into the eye, questioning why?
"L, I am a God fearing person. I do not want God questiong me, Why did I not give this man ONE chance. Maybe he will change....
I have never seen him cry like this before. He is promising he will change. I want to try. I do not want to regret later that I did not give him any chance."
"You are doing this for yourself or God?"
"Both."
"Okay."
She stands looking at me waiting I would react in a more expressive way. I am too shocked to do that. She sits bside me.
"I want you to try and like him too."

She knows I do not like him. I have had a disgusting past with him, where he has felt me. Not once, but many times, despite the warnings, untill last year when I yelled at him in front of my sister. He managed to convince her that I was assuming and misunderstanding it all. Anyway. Fuck that.

"I will try, just as I did in the last 7 years."
"That was faking. I want you to really try. He genuinely considers you as his sister."
"Right."
This was our second uncomfortable long silence. The first, when just to make it easier for her and end the matter I accepted that I maybe assuming about her husband. The second was again in his favor.

"To be honest. I do not find your decision right."
"I know. I can see it all over your face."
"I fail to understand how can this decision taken in minutes be stronger than the decision taken in years?"
She expects me to understand and I assure her that I will.
"I will be happy, when I see you happy."
We end it there. Mom is happy because she thinks he deserves another chance on human grounds.

They all go out for a movie.

I stay at home. Speak to G. He sings for me. Coaxes me to tell him what is wrong, but I do not feel like talking about it. Its something that is making me think.

Am I someone who is always encouraging people to break off their relationships?

Every time I see P unhappy, I tell her to walk out of her relationship. I was the first one to support and encourage my sister to take this big decision. I have always believed, if you are not happy in a relationship, move out. Do not make a joke out of it by dragging it on some silly grounds. I have encouraged break ups and divorces for one reason and that is to make them believe that 'it is alright to move on and choose a happy life for yourself.' But, am I wrong? Am I, the one taking rash and harsh decisions of breaking up a relationship? (even if it is for ohers) It makes me go crazy. I do not want to be responsible for encouraging people to break up. I just want to encourage people to love themselves and be happy.

She asked, "If G asked you for a second chance, would you give it to him?"
"Depends on how much has he hurt me?"
"I agree. Yet?"
I did not answer. I knew my answer. I would not.

He called. We spoke. He sang to me. Narrated some stupid Pineapple joke, just to make me laugh. I would.

I love G so much that I would give in to the demands of my heart and give him another chance if he'd hurt me to the extent of a break up. And just then, I hear a door bell, as if my moment was being filmed for a Bollywood Feature.

"It is a courier for you."
It is from G. There is my Valentines Goody Bag. A pair of beautiful earrings, I can not wait to wear for him. Two DVDs he had promised he would send me. A box of heart shaped dark chocalates which I was praying for just a minute back to help me stop the unstoppable tears. And my Valentines Day card, which said, "we are fucking good tiogether." We are.

Love is funny. When they come back from the movie. I will help her believe that I accept her decision. Though I desperately pray she sees a far better future with him, now. And lives happily ever after.

I Love you G. No matter how hard I tried keeping you away from my troubled state. You were there to make me feel good, in the form of flowers, songs, cards, chocalates and in thought.

Thank you God. I Love you. Happy Valentines Day to all of you! Special V Day Hugs and Kisses.

Love 'n' Peace.

Hugs.
Kisses.

A Happy Luscious!

I hate weekdays. Hating and loving this one equally. Weekdays mean no talking to G at length and this one is also good because my sister is over for a week, which equals to full day of outing and sisterly bonding. This week seems to be bad because my mother is losing it as well. She is just going crazy over EVERYTHING - Weight, Curd, my new shopping, me treating my cousins, how i handle my money, how i behave with her, G!, my dirty feet, my nail biting habit, my face full of pimples, probably she is going crazy about the fact that the pigs outside our house are nowhere to be seen too. Huh. Sigh! Whats up with her? She is not even getting 'old'. She has lived only 46 years of her life but lived as a married woman for THIRTY out of those forty six, of which more than 50% were spent away from her husband.

Like the typically nice daughter in law she left a comfortable living and her husband, with her two daughters only to face a tougher life with the typical mother-in-law. I met my father only for 30 days every fucking year during my growing years. It pains me still to have missed the pleasures of being pampered by a father, getting scared of him at times, facing his strictness, etcetra. Such sadness prevails only at times of serious emotional retrospect. I would not have been what I am today, if I would have been brought up by my father too. Maybe a spectacled software engineer aiming for Harvard with scholarship, is what I would have been. Sigh. I am so happy to be me - Independent, Strong, Individualistic, Sexy, Confident, Intimidating, Honest. It is good to be real. Thanks Mom! Kisses.

Though, today, she regrets having nurtured me into someone who is too exposed. My career plans scare her. "Look R! Do not fly too high..."
"What do you mean by that? It is my career. I will take it where I want to."
"Look. You must remember you are a girl and you have responsibilities."
This reminds me of the day when I overheard my father, not too long ago, talking to his sister say,
"She is not performing very well in her studies... I am not expecting too much from her, career wise. She is a girl. But I want her to have a decent post graduation degree. She has to marry, ultimately."
These words still trouble me. I guess it comes free with the non understanding relationship my father and I share, and comes naturally to this generation of parents who are struggling with their conservative upbringing and our broadly growing thought processes. I feel sad for these parents. They are torn from between, with what they were taught on one side and what we say on the other.

Luscious is happy because she has not let anything affect her. Ignorant and Indifferent. Luscious can not more proud and happy about anything, than to be herself. Luscious apologizes for not being regular because she is low. She is sad. She is missing G terribly after her trip. G and Luscious have completed four months today. No! Luscious and G do not celebrate every month but definitely count when will they reach their first anniversary. Sounds silly but everything is fun and logical when in love.

It is surprising but G and I have not had phone sex since I came back. We will. Soon. We have not been able to relax and talk for a while. He is busy and so am I, in poles apart different ways.

At 09:30 a.m.

"Good Morning. Reached Office?"
"Yes. You sound awake!"
"Hahaha...
Please give me two tickets. Center corridor, please.
Yeah."
"What movie are you going for?"
"Look at the irony. You go to work early in the morning everyday and I go for movies."
"Yes. I am noticing."
"Congratulations!"
"For what?"
"G! We complete..."
"Oh! yes... Hahaha... Congratulations.... Enjoy yourself. I have some work."
"Thank you. Have a good day. Take care."
"Bye."
"Bye."

I love you G. You pull me out of everything. You make me feel so amazing all the time. I am dying to hug you. Kiss you. You are the best man on this planet. The man in my life! Maybe, before my father too. (I love my father, but that is natural love. The one that a daughter has for her father and vice versa. We share no understanding or growing love that comes with spending time and living together. Now, I guess, it is a little too tough.) Luscious loves everyone dearly and genuinely, anyway.

Love 'n' Peace.

Kisses.
Some more kisses.

EID MUBARAK!

EID MUBARAK!!

It has been a beautiful day and I am feeling richer too. Wuhoo! BUT my vagina is burning. I used a hair removing cream in the morning. Guests sitting outside my room. No antiseptic cream or oil in my room. Walking with legs apart. Just peed too, so you (the girls!) can imagine my plight. And then I got a bright idea! I saw powder. Used that only to feel worst. IT WAS FUCKING DERMI COOL!! Fuck! It was frosting inside. Had no option. Ignore the pain, it works. And it did until I peed again. I created a ruckus in the house for an antiseptic. I have it, now. Sigh. I am looking prettier now, I guess. The uneasiness is gone from the face. I am wearing a really pretty brown peshwas (those long umbrella cut or frilly kurtas, whatever you understand it as) and churidaar. My hair look great. I have no bodily hair. I am excited. I feel great. I am looking DAMN nice. Everyone has told me that too. (Blush? No! *winks*)

Not much time. Leaving in an hour.

I did get my nervous, scared pangs - to the extent that I thought I will die and left a secret note in my drawer for my mom saying 'Mom - I love you. You Rock! Signature. Then my sister's name, bro-in-law's, papa's, mum and mine, encircling it, I wrote 'happy family'. I had shed a tear or two too. Weird. THANK GOD! I am feeling so much better now. Met this old school friend. Came to see me. K, him (H), myself and AR are still the awesome foursome. We had more people in our group in school but we four have remained and stuck to each other despite irregular contact.

H was happy and looked more excited about my trip. I made him speak to G too. I love it when G talks to my friends. He is really sweet to them, always! And I love him for the fact that he knows how important my friends are for me, and how important is it for me, for him to like my friends and vice versa.

So, anyway. I am off. Will be back after a week, till then this blog is going to be inactive. For those of you who have not read my previous posts, COMMENT. I love people TALKING BACK to me. And Thanks alot to those who read me regularly and comment. I have received quiet an unexpected response.

Love you all ALOT! Spread love! And kiss alot - that is what lips are for.

Kisses.
Hugs.
Misses.

Love 'n' Peace.

P.S. - I will really miss mom. I hope she remains well and takes care of her health. Plus, not be too worried about me either. I love you MA!

What a pain being a Woman is!

Eid is on the second now. Already a national holiday. No extra holiday :(. Not like I care much but I am traveling on the second night, will have to leave mom alone on Eid night. Not feeling good about it at all. So bad that thought of getting my ticket canceled, plus I am feeling guilty too (Lying to mom and going to a different city) I have not lied to her about even the biggest of things. This is my first time. I am scared. Nervous. And then, just way too many bomb blasts, so what if they are minor, a blast is a blast! If I did not have K's ticket with me, I would have probably gotten mine canceled long back, but since I have hers and no time to courier, I will have to go now (What a pain no? Devilish smile). Every time I feel guilty or scared, I call K, she knows how to handle me and so I am fine now. I guess I was just not in a good mood in the evening.

Mom and I left for the hair cut I wanted to treat her for. She wanted a hair cut and I got a free coupon for it so I gifted her that, hence it became my treat. :) I wanted to get my hands and underarms waxed. My underarms look like a man's, who has not shaved ever in his life! And the people were so busy there that we came back with just a very sexy haircut and clean eyebrows/upper lips.

It is such a pain being a woman sometimes. The periods, the hair removal, pregnancies - SO MUCH we have to pay for being a temptress! Sigh! Yesterday P and I were broke so could not go to our typical hang out for hours of conversation. We went to her home and after a long time I ate home cooked food, simple Indian food. Delicious! Nothing like it! I ate so much I wanted to start snoring at P's place and not go to my own place. P is extremely excited about my 'lovers trip'. Strange. She calls it the 'mission trip'. Really confused this time. "No P. What makes you think I am going there with a mission?"
"Ahem ahem ahem!"
"P.........??"
"Come on. There is going to be so much of sex!"
"Yeah P! So?", with an extremely confused expression.
"Okay... Yeah. You had always been so open about this. You knew you would do it before marriage.... You know... you were never like me. So averse to it and then gradually opening up to it..."
"Yeah. I guess..."
Silence. Not a comfortable one. She has something going in her mind.
"Why don't you? What is stopping you?"
Deep breathe and "Alright! I have an honest confession to make."
Is it about me? As in... does she have something to say about my sex life? Like maybe I should also not get into it before marriage or something? WTF! How can I be SO self obsessed!
"I am conscience about my body... You know till the upper body it is fine. But I am not okay below the belly. My abdomen is so heavy! My thighs... They are thundering. Okay?"
"P! Relax. To be honest. I was conscience too, initially. But when you are in that moment, the body does not matter!"
She still did not look convinced.
"Look P! I am fatter than you! But once it happens. It does not matter. Even to you guy!"
"No. We are the same size, just that you are taller and have a broader bone structure..."
"No P! I know my body. My lower abdomen is like some huge saucer."
"No R!"
"No P!"
And the never ending womanly comparisons 'You are better' shall continue until eternity unless the topic changes. And thankfully it was P who did it.
"...but it really is okay. Your body type does not matter P!"
"You know... I am not even shaving my under legs because I do not want him going down on me."
"Even if you do not shave he can go down on you, unless he specifically prefers that way."
"You said it hurts alot and you walk with your legs apart for a full day."
"Yeah! But that is when you use a hair removing cream. I have never tried shaving."
"I am scared, actually. It bleeds."
"WTF! What are you talking?"
"Yeah. When I had my stones' operation na. The nurse was shaving my stomach and my pussy (Ggggrrrr... I do not understand WHY does a woman call her VAGINA - A PUSSY!! It is called a fucking VAGINA!! Pussy is for 'dirty talking'!!) and all of a sudden I started bleeding.... It is such a sensitive area."
"Why don't you try trimming? Atleast that would help in lessening the mess down there."
Now! Sh said something really dumb. Thankfully I do not remember, but I remember proudly saying, "I never keep mine for too long so I would not know. I find it extremely irritating that is why I clean myself regularly. I like it clean."

The conversation, by now had shifted to Babies and Pregnancies. Yeah! She was telling me of some clip she saw that had shown the delivery of a baby. "It is so painful that if you watch it, you would not want to give birth to a baby." I would! Infact, I went out for a dinner party recently, where I saw this oh-so-adorably-cute baby, Indian father and a German mother. My God! The baby girl was such a delight to watch and the mother was so happy with her 9 month old. They responded to each other in ways that looked so out of the world, as if naturally made just for that mother-daughter. It was such an amazing feeling watching them. I was happy my elder sister was not there. She has been married for 8 years now and she had wanted a child immediately but unfortunately some medical problems with both, her and her spouse has made this difficult for them and she is still without a baby. She craves and dreams of on day and night. You can see it in her eyes. Its like each on of us are born to do something in life. She was born to be my mother (She is 9 years elder to me) and her ofocurse her own child's. I want a baby too, later in life, ofcourse. When I saw that cute baby, all I wanted to do was call G and tell him, "I want a baby as cute as him." That would actually mean, our baby looking North Eastern when the parents are from north and south.

Not much has happened in these two days. Some cramps, lots of eating, all the more bloating, Eid preparations, traveling issues - to go/not to go. Mom was even asking for my work place's contact details. Fuck! What will I give her if she is serious!? Thankfully, I ignored and she did not ask again, but two more full days to go and she could ask again. Infact, she will! But today was fun with her. It was fun getting scared of her after a long time. What happened is that after we left for our salon and shopping, we came back after over two hours only to see the main door and gate absolutely open. Mom literally screamed. I wondered why. "The maid is there no. Why are you screaming?" "Did you leave the doors like this when you came out of the house?" "Err..uumm.. yeaah.." Fachaak! I got pasted, royally! Apparently, the maid had left before me and I was supposed to lock the house. I ran to th computer room to find shelter and remained there hours after mom was done screaming 'about me' to others. I knew, this moment onwards until the next few days she will sing loudly with melodrama involved about my 'carelessness'. Moms Love ranting about their kids. New moms can not talk enough about the developments in their babies and mothers of growing children can not stop complaining. Bing a mother should become a paid job. God should offer free shopping vouchers, single holiday trips to the most exotic places in the world, customized husbands, whose settings can be changed as per taste and requirement, a mute button facility for crying babies, cribbing friends, and irritating aunties who would give you 1001 fr advices on what should the baby eat/what should you eat/what should your husband eat/what should your dog eat/what should your ailing parents eat, but what the hell do they eat that they never lose weight despite their 'diets and exercising'. Gosh! God is so cruel sometimes!

Tomorrow no Eid so I will go and get my waxing done. I might get some mehndi done on my palms too. Lets see... Really sleepy now. Yawn!

Good Night!

Kisses.

Love 'n' Peace.

The Secret

We all love Sundays! Even if your Mondays, Tuesdays and Thursdays are no different, A SUNDAY SHALL REMAIN A SUNDAY! Its special :)

Woke up with a feeling as if Mom is still angry... Then I realised "IMPOSSIBLE! I gave her such an awesome back massage last night." She was reading the newspaper. In bed, thought of giving a 'Good Morning' call to G. Nah! Lets start my day with Mom today, instead. I wanted to keep my head on her lap. Haven't done that in many days. She has of course read about the Delhi blasts. "Today your cousin called. She is coming from her university for three four days."
"Yeah! I know she called to ask me about my travelling plans. Sadly, I won't be here."
"I told her you are not going."
Shit! I knew this was coming up! Damn! Why the hell do mothers have such a frail heart! Why of all people will I die in some blast? And why will there b any blasts? Moms!! Sigh!
I just give her the look.
"What can be so important, R?"
"Work mom!"
I AM SUCH A BITCH! SUCH A LIAR! It is my first time - scared but it is turning out to b exciting.
"Let it be no. You are not going! That's it! At least obey me once!"
"Mom! We shall see. You do not get such opportunities again and again. Let me go for it. And then... I'll be safe. Don't worry."
I HATE THE TYPICAL MOMMA EXPRESSION!
"Mom, look... If something has to happen, it can happen to me right now right here. No place no time is safe. Come on!"
"Oh! Today is Daughter's Day", looking at the paper.
"Thank God! We finally have a day! Otherwise we would have spend our lives celebrating only Father/Mother/Teachers Day."
Thank God the conversation broke. Maybe she did not say anything because it was Daughter's Day. But hey! She did not wish me! (STARE!)

Door bell rings.
My maid finds out it is some 'thin guy' on the door for me. I am scared. I think it is this really annoying old school friend of mine who considers me his best friend and I can not stand him for even a second! Actually he had called last night and I just hung up on him. He had called when I was having cyber sex with G. He was on cam and I could see his Tom(I JUST named his dick, right now! Didn't feel like writing 'could see his DICK'! Its cute to give names (winks). By the way, I did not cum last night. Not too fond of cyber sex. There was so much to do. See, type, finger, imagine! Too much to cum but enough to stimulate you. G likes it! And I love him on the cam. He has a smile to DIE for. I get to see him smile! But when he is not smiling and has his serious look on, he looks like some extremely boring IT professional. So, I ask my maid to ask for his name and say I am asleep. She tells me "Mix!" Oh Fuck! My friends had planned to come over in the morning. "Oh! Stop him stop him stop him!" Friends come over. We have fun. Breakfast was of chips and 7-up. Showed this other friend from the group, N, my lingerie shopping. Also showed her the B'Day card G had sent me. That card was the best gift!

Later, B joined us too. P was finally meeting him today. I have no idea how did she manage to convince him, but they were meeting! He came! N and I made faces. Mix is a loyalist of B and P...forget it. N and I make faces. Oh! And I also have to look inviting for B. Ggggrrr... Finally B came and begins talking to me "You and S have nothing better to do in life than brainwash P."
"What makes you think WE brainwash P?"
S and L had left before he came.
"The day P starts talking rubbish I know she has spent time with you guys or spoken to either of you at length."
"So? What's between friends remains between them. I don't think anyone has the right to comment on that. And P is an intelligent girl. She ain't an immature kid who can be brainwashed."
"Of course! She is immature!"
"P! Hear it for yourself. Your guy thinks you are 'immature'."
Silence.
I was jumping inside. I loved he confronted and I loved replying the way I did. Though I was shocked P did not have to say anything at all. She was mute throughout this conversation, like any other listener wanting not to interfere because it is not his/her business. I forgot - P is smitten by B and P has lost self respect!
Everyone leaves.

It is afternoon. G and I still have not spoken. He was having lunch when I called. We spoke an hour later. I was angry. There is some random guy who has been calling me for a while, who is apparently in love with me, saw me in my college (Its a girls college! Confused!) and found out my number. Have been ignoring him for days. Convincing G I'll handle on my own. Finally I give this random guy a piece of my mind, all this while I was being decent cause he was being the same. Anyway, thankfully, he did message after that call and called again too, but I literally pleaded which probably inflated his ego and he apologized for harassing me. Swore not to call again! Sigh! Thank God! G called. I was upset. Mom had brought up the travelling issue again at lunch. Cribbed cried and confessed, "I am scared too to travel somewhere down the line, but I REALLY want to come and see you."
"To be honest, I am scared too. Don't come if you are not feeling good."
"The problem is I have K's ticket too."
K, my best friend stays in a different city. I have told mom I am going to K's city for work. Instead I will go there but we leave for our city of love, where our louvres are.
"Post her, her ticket."
After allot of thinking.
"I don't know. I really want to come... What do you want me to do?"
"My situation is similar to yours. I was travelling on the 15th of August to see you. You too wanted to meet me but not at the cost of my safety. I feel the same."
I cry.
"Are you chumming?"
"No G!", with a smile.
"You are close. It will start today evening."
He knows how to make me smile, laugh, turn me on, keep me happy, take care of me, love me... He is just so amazing! (hearts flying on the head)
"So, when do I bang you next?"
"Going by what I like, today! Going by what I want, next week!"
"You do not want to do it until you are here."
"No."
"You want to build a momentum?"
"Yes."
We talk.
"Are you wearing a white bra?"
"No! A skin coloured lace."

We had phone sex. And it was great. When I went to wash myself, I screamed with happiness. I had started PMS-ing finally! Wuhoo! I was running late. My date was around 23rd. G and I got scared thinking what if I start when I come there. That would be extremely sad!

"You have never been so happy for your chums, isn't it?"
"I have! Every time my period gets delayed, I get all panicky. So, when they start I feel so relived and happy."
He calculated if they will get over by the time I am there. And yes, they will!
"You know, I use these ultra thin sanitary pads. So each pad comes in a packet which can be used to wrap and throw the used one. So that wrap is a very cute green. I am in love with that color. It is so cute. I will show it to you!"
"Only a woman can talk like that."
"Well... yes! A woman is the most beautiful creation of God."
"I don't understand how can a woman cry on everything. I have not cried in ages."
"You wanted to cry when you were leaving me."
"Yes, but I did not. I am not saying I am the macho guy who does not cry. I just do not understand why does a woman cry?"
"Well, because a woman feels every emotion completely, from deep within and so gets easily overwhelmed. I am so proud to be a woman. It is the best thing on this planet. A woman can cry when she wants to, be strong, make a family, earn her own money, live independently, take care of herself, love like no one else can. She finds happiness in small things. Like, only a woman can find her sanitary pad wrap cute and fall in love with it. A woman will bond with her girlfriends, shop for sexy lingerie and be excited about it even if she does not have anyone to show it off to. The reason they feel so genuinely for everything without holding any bars makes them all 'overwhelmed with emotions' all the time. That is the reason we always love mothers, daughters, grandmothers more. And that woman is not being true to herself and can never be happy who has misinterpreted the meaning of a 'modern woman' and believes in only making money."
Silence...
"G?"
"hhmm..?"
"Did you just take a nap?"
"No! You deserve an Oscar!"
It is my second. I got the first one on some other long speech that I gave him. :)

In the evening I was checking what movie Mix has on his pen drive. Saw some 'The Secret' on it. It was about The Law of Attraction! I was getting absorbed. It was a documentary on what and how does Law of Attraction work.

All my life I had strongly believed in the power of energy and vibes. What you want is what you will get if you give out the right energies. I was sure of its power when I read "When you really want something to happen, the whole universe conspires so that your wish comes true" in The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. It became my favorite book for this one line and shall remain that way. I know and believe in the power of an active sub conscience, deja vu and all of that. S, too had told me about the Law of Attraction. She was wanting to use it on some guy she liked.

What I, alone believed in all my life and thought was my ultimate power - the [power of thought, is actually a scientific law! As significant as the Law of Gravity. Great men like Shakespeare, Einstein, Lincoln knew of The Secret but never revealed it because what they were was because of this secret. I have done the same so far. I never shared this power I believed in with anyone. Maybe because I was not that sure, yet it did make me feel powerful. Every time I experienced a deja vu, it gave me a sense of pride, a feeling of self control and power. Now, I need to use it on my trip. I of course do not want to attract bomb blasts.

I have not watched the full video. It is a 90 minute one, seen 37 till now. Had to leave out for dinner. Thankfully Mom wished me 'Happy Daughters' Day' after I reminded her to do so. She had planned to get me chocolates but forgot, so asked my preference. I asked for a pastry instead. She slapped my tummy and said "You will never watch your weight no?" A smile. But I really hate PMS for two reasons, 1) The cramps, and 2) The stomach BLOATS! And I have to see my guy in some days! :(

Will write more about The Secret, when I watch more of the video. It got me completely excited. I told G about it and said, "You never know... you might have been a result of my law of attraction... Because you are perfect... Perfect for me!" And I got a BIG E-HUG! The Secret was the highlight of my day!
Kisses...

Keep attracting what you want!

Love 'n' Peace!

P.S. : G is in love with Elton John, Guess that's why they call it the blues and he is trying to sing it for me over the phone. I AM IN LOVE WITH THIS GUY LIKE CRAZY!

Sexy Saturday

After creating the blog, I slept at 5 in the morning. I think of trying but I just know I can not go to my gym in the morning, instead am woken up by a call at 9:30 am,
"I want to fuck you."
"What??G!!"
"Are you alone?"
"Can I please call you back in 5-10mins.?"
"I am exploding!"
"O.K. 5!!"
"Quick!"

Hang up, wide awake.... no one in the room. Check the bathroom. Open the room door.... Mom is in the kitchen, downstairs. Seven mins later I call. G sounded like he'd shook in the mean time, but was still keen, probably because he thought I was keen. Well... I actually was not... I was in deep sleep instead. I was horny last night and I planned to surprise him, instead he called and said, "I called to say good night... I am really tired." It is a fucking Friday night and my guy wants to sleep instead of talking dirty to his girl...Sigh! Anyway, we had some okay-ish phone sex... Don't think I came, he did...(again...was it? did not bother to ask) The room door began to knock immediately...Perfect timing...we were done by then...pretended to be sleeping to my maid and called G back. This time HE was asleep..."Sorry babe... I am getting great sleep after this... I don't get to sleep for so long throughout the week." Ofcourse, the angel that I am, I let him enjoy his Saturday with sex and sleep.

Phone rings

"R! What do you think I should do? L and I had a major fight. He does not even want to see my face."
"What happened?" Concerned... Did they fight over L's penis size? S says it is as small as her ring finger... She did not have sex with him again after the first time. Now, she thinks they need to give it time before regular sex begins. (It is just she finds it too small, specially compared to her ex.)
"Ah! Nothing... It was something extremely trivial... He has not started going to his gym. He paid for it two weeks back."
>>yaawwnn<<
Continuing..."Should I get him flowers?"
"Hand picked."
"But I am in the middle of a deserted road..."
"Stick a note on his bike with a sweet mess on it..."
"YES!! I love you... Buh Bye!", with an audible smile.
What are friends for

After an hour, they still had not patched up. As the wizard of the group, asked hr to let the situation be for a while. Then I called L, spoke with him...cheered him up...he complained...I took his side (it really works!)...we happily hung up.

Called him again after 30 mins. "See me at CCD in 10 mins."
"I'll see..."
"No! I never ask you to come anywhere like this... You will say no to me now!?"
"What are we meeting for?"
"Because....I want to meet you... simple."
"15 mins.?"
"Cool!"

P and S have been waiting for me at CCD for the past 15-20 mins already. After having called L, I go for my shower with a smile. I feel like a true angel after having set up a surprise for S. Leave home with a warning from mom to be back at 3 because she has to go somewhere.

Reach CCD, happy to see them cuddling. P, as usual is messaging and calling her fuck-all guy. None of us like B, P's guy. He treats her sadly, never has time for her, breaks all the promises, never makes her feel special, is unromantic but has a libido lasting for weeks (horny dog! huh...), misleads P, makes her feel terrible, makes her cry, makes her sad, blames her for everything easily because he is a pro at that and P actually gets convinced. What a miss-goody-to-shoes bitch! She gives in too much in the relationship, including self respect. That's the last thing a woman should EVER do! Let the man be what he is called, A DOG! (BTW, women LOVE dogs... ;) )

So, all is cool between S and L, now. I am not being credited for it because P claims they patched up before L arrived. Huh... wtf... fine... they must have! But atleast... acknowledge! I 'tried' doing something nice for friends...huh... Maybe P is jealous... she is always the miss-goody-to-shoes doing all the good and angelic deeds like patching up and this time it wasn't her...aargghh... its just... come on ...acknowledge my efforts guys!! :x

S and L leave to meet some friends and P and I get down to doing what we love. Discuss G,B and sex over chicken sandwich. S joins us after a while. We talk...we laugh...we bond...we discuss(very important)...and we leave to SHOP!!

S wanted to buy a sexy nightdress. (I guess her 'lets give it time before regular sex' is over. See this is what big fights do... make a relationship stronger...She has fallen in love with him again, this time more deeply and is ready to compromise on the size. Actually, she was also being hopeful after L came twice while they were just making out and having oral sex.
I am sure, S is among the 2% who are always turned on. "I see myself in Samantha", came from the horses'(mare's, to be gender accurate) mouth.) And I wanted to buy a sexy lacy bra for my best friend K. I bought myself two, two weeks back because I am going to see my boyfriend next weekend. It is a long distance relationship, and I love it this way. Infact, K and I are going together, her boyfriend is in the same city. We are going crazy with excitement! We will be travelling together for the first time! Wuhoo!! She also thinks, I have finally grown up, because G is my first 'proper proper' boyfriend and I was considered among the 2% who are asexual. Thank God G happened! Sigh!

Anyway, and so... S found a sexy lace pink short nightdress which also had the matching string tying pantie. Damn! I've always wanted those panties... Yes! Even when I was asexual. Expensive, low on cash, borrow from friends! We now move to the other shop from where I have to get K's bra. I told her that will be her B'day gift, it is in some days. She said she wanted something in bright pink, got her something absolutely different. I love that color and I know it will look hot on K. (Remember we are best friends, not lesbians!) That is how well we know each other. She is my soul! God! I love her!! Kisses!

While checking out other stuff, they HAVE those string tied panties...Yeaaa!! They 'also' have the black lace pantie. In a fix! Shit! "Which one girls?" P came to my rescue...my love...angel...(she really is an angel :) ) "Black! This will look better on our sizes" Ouch! I hate this size business! But with an obese body, you have limited choices! Gggrrr.... The world is getting heavier by the day, yet limited stuff for the larger population of the world...the obese community :(

P on the phone again... Sometimes I feel I spend much better time G by being miles away than P spends with B in spite of being in the same city. They fight! (hahaha... I love it! The invisible horns come out!) B is not meeting P, tomorrow, AGAIN! (Because he is a B=Bastard!) Because he has work! Self claimed Work-a-holic, L is his friend and tells us 'he does nothing!' I knew it! >>punch the palm<<

So, P is fighting and S n I hear her say "Now B, that is an insult!" Phew! Thank God she found something offensive! S and I looked at each other, smiled. I pass th bottl of 7-up we are sharing to P and say, "Last sip for a handsome husband." (B has a reciding hairline!) She repeats that to B. He gets pissed. They hang up. P upset. We smiling! (Bitches...yes we know! the horns grow in size ;) )

"P!", screaming for her to come back. She is literally storming away.
"No! Let me go home... You guys carry on."
"Alright we will. But what happened?"
"He nevr has time to meet me.... blah blah blah bla bah ba b.....">>eeyyaawwnn<<
"P! Do you mind acting pricey?"
"No ya! I can't"
"Hang up on him!"
"No! He does not like it!"
"Like, you like the way he talks to you.... (That asshole was free today, doing nothing, and when P asked him to meet her, he said 'Now I am not that free' WTF! Bastard, isn't it?) Give it to him when he deserves it..."
S with her helmet on all ready to drive off her bike, "Look at us... Act pricey! ;) "
Now! was really the time. It was just perfect!
"P.... I'll be blunt honest... on your face I am telling you... the day is not far when you will lose your self respect completely (Though I already think, she has.)"
In confused disbelief, as if her sub conscious was agreeing, "You really think so?"
S n I, simultaneously, "YES!"
Shit! Yes Yes Yes! This is working! She looks convinced now! Big grins!
Adding drama, "You will lose respect among friends too."
She ofcourse has a hint that we are not too fond of her undeserving love interest.
And P leaves with agitation, "I will abuse him all my way back."
Way to go, girl!
Hugs!
We are oh-so-happy! Dying to call N and U and inform them immediately. S n I left to meet L, again. After gossiping and eating alot at his bakery, I realise it is past 4. Missed call from mom. I have crossed my deadline. I call and the tone says 'I am screwed', content says 'You are done'. She had left home, locked. Fuck! I ran... I was approx 50 mins. away from home. Ran, literally. Thankfully I knew where she was going, called so that I could pick the keys. She was mad... I'd like to believe angry because she was not answering my calls. Frantically called my aunt, who was with her. Passed on the mess, got the keys, finished the work she has asked me to do and got home. Sigh!

Home Alone! Trying my new sexy night dress with the new lingerie. The thought of what would follow when I wear this for G next week, gets me excited. I call. Role Reversal. "G! I want you to fuck me!"
"What are you wearing?" (His fav. question and for the first time I was dying to answer it)
"I can not keep secrets from you. I bought a purple satin night dress and a lace bra with a black lace pantie."
"Fuck! I knew you had bought new lingerie, the way you were talking in the past days."
We have great phone sex. We talk, finally! I crib about how I wanted to surprise him but ruined it. He is super cute, says he will still be surprised. :) I love him, completely!

I get online. Mom is back. SHE IS REALLY ANGRY! She thinks I am misusing my freedom... Alright... considering I am going away to see my boyfriend with out telling her...YES I AM! But otherwise... alright okay... She really does not ask me to do much for her and today if she asked me to come back on time... I should have... but I honestly did not realise the time until she called... :( I am feeling bad and I am also scared... I have to leave next week... I do not want to upset her :(

I love her alot! She is God to me! Kisses Momma!

Kisses to you too from Luscious Sealed Lips! <>

Love 'n' Peace!