Tuesday, March 23, 2010

When the teenager inside you does not grow up!

Word of caution - This is going to be creepy!

What I talk about today is according to me the creepiest thing ever. You may judge hate whatever me. But this, my friend is the truth. And the only truth I have NEVER EVER EVER spoken about to ANYBODY. This is MY secret.
*****************************************************************

For the first time, at 15, I try curling my hair for a cousin's wedding. With my bunch of cousins we reach the venue and I immediately see him sitting beside the groom. My other cousin comes running to tell me how cute 'that guy' beside the groom is. In the next 15 minutes, she had managed to take all the information out and find out his name and place as well. A little later, I have my superly social mother call me and introduce me to some random people including 'that guy's' mum and 'that guy' and his brother. And just when I am done exchanging pleasantries with 'that guy's' mum and turn to say Hi to 'that guy', I notice a bunch of my other overtly excited teenage cousins nudging me and smiling at him. I still remember how awkward that moment was, and you could see 'that guy' loving every inch of it. He knew that all that attention was coming for him and began some random cute conversation with his brother, aloud. To be honest, I found the mom quite a snob. And 'that guy', dumb.

For the next whatever number of days my cousin was living with me, she would only rant about him. She in fact, got a key chain made of his name. Can you beat that!?! She was always crazy. Now, she is married to her Internet boyfriend.

After about a year or two, I see a familiar face looking back at me in the same way, at some random wedding. Thanks to my overtly social mother. And the round of hellos and hugging follow to fat aunties, sweet uncles, decked up girls and shy boys. My mother sends me to get her a glass of water and I come back to another random aunty and uncle, she is talking to. Once again, I am introduced to that 'snob aunty'. Wow. So, the face that that gave me i-am-familiar-with-you smile at the water cooler was 'THAT GUY'. Yes, he looked cute. He was cute after all, but he has a very very funny nose. The 'snob aunty' was a bitch. She introduced me to her husband as my mother's FUCKING SISTER, and then, "Oh! Sorry, Daughter." I could have punched her in the face. Just because I am fat and my face looks beaten up right now, does not mean I am 40! You fucking pretentious whore! I turn around and 'that guy' and I look at each other again. I sensed some stupid connection. And it felt nice.

After some months, I was chatting with my superly excited cousin. She had apparently gotten over him. Told her how I saw him at that wedding. She thought I had a thing for him too. I denied. It was not a complete lie, I would say. I did not crush for him. But, there was something. The kind of feeling you get when you think, this thing is more than just looking at each other at random weddings.

Then, after some years, came orkut. On a boring late night, I looked up for him. It was strange how I still remembered his name. I saw he had a blog. Checked it out and commented on it. From then on, we shared comments on each others' blogs. I knew whose blog I was commenting on. I don't think he did. We had our arguments. We had our agreements on our blogs. It tells you more about a person's mind. Then too, I never fell for him or felt attracted. Gradually, I stopped blogging and so did he. The comments stopped. The only direct connection with him was broken.

Some years later came Facebook and I noticed him on my cousin's husband's list. The first wedding where we had met. I check out his profile and find him in a different continent. He is in the same field as I am. This did interest me. Lucky me, he never had privacy settings. I could see all his wall posts and know not much but, vaguely about him and his life. In between, I meet my cousin and her husband with my mother. Over the years my mother and the 'snob aunty' have become friends. And my mum seems to be enquiring about 'that guy's' marriage. Yes, my mom is quite a match fixer too. She is always getting someone married. I guess, this comes from her being so overtly social and also being liked and trusted. I am a proud daughter of my mother.

I come back home and check his profile again. I do that for some one week and tadah! He is coming back to India. He he he. His wall posts told me that. ;) I also sort of found out that he is probably shifting back. Not too sure of that. Also, through his posts, I almost found that he has a girl fried or had and who she was/is. I cursed her. Prayed to God to conspire and make him meet me this time properly so that we become friends.

Gosh. After all this, I feel like a stalker. And for what? What the hell was I cursing/praying for? NO. I am not attracted to this man. I am NOT crushing on him. I am NOT in love with him. I am NOT... argh. What is it? It is confusing. Frustrating. Annoying. Fun. Gives me stupid teenage kick. Makes me giggle at myself. Makes me feel like a stalker, yes! WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?

Okay. I have an answer. Of all the people from my 'community', he is the one who so far fits my comfort the most, which makes him more 'marriageable' to me, according to me. He is from my community. Yes, such is my love for my mother that as my age increases, this thing is being drilled into me like crazy. We belong to the same field of work. He drinks. Yes. He gets a bonus point here. He is decent looking, except for the nose. The nose is HUGE n WEIRD. It almost covers his face. He has a younger brother who looks like, he will be allot of fun to have a brother-in-law as. LOL @ myself. And, the mothers know each other. Though I doubt she will like me. Stupid Snob Aunty. Actually, for that matter, if I am having an arranged marriage I doubt any of these dominating 40-50 year old women would like me for their sons. They might just accept me because of my mom. Everyone loves my mom. *Proud of you mommy. How do you do this?*

So, I have been contemplating of re starting my blog and leave a comment on his blog to start a conversation once again. Sounds weird to me too. I am scaring myself. I feel psychotic after saying this, because I am stalking someone without a reason. Wow! What a brilliant time pass to have for almost a decade now. Gosh. I have no idea what I will do. And I definitely have no idea what plans does God have. But, it is this feeling inside of me that says, we will meet again. I just know it inside of me. This feeling is bloody strong, which is why I get restless and do whatever stalking I have done. There is something. What? Time will tell. And if it is 'nothing'. I will laugh it off because all said and done. 'That guy' makes me feel like a superly excited teenager crushing on the guy in the class opposite hers. It is fun not knowing him yet finding out about him. Not being attracted to him yet praying to meet him. Not knowing what this connection, this feeling is, but believing in it. He does make my life exciting. ;)

Love 'n' Peace.

Hugs.
Kisses.

22 comments:

Di said...

Wow, was a big secret indeed but not creepy! it's ok, we all do some amount of stalking ;) all stalkers are not teenagers he he

yesssss re-start that blog and comment on his blog..fun na, its just fun..

oh, maybe he is one of the anonymous followers of this blog? oh oh oh.. could be.. this is one popular blog

Luscious Sealed Lips said...

Dear Di,

Do I Love you or Do I Love? Gosh. You give me hope and support me in the craziest of things. I Love you! Special flying kiss.

Hugs.
Kisses.

Miss Sunshine said...

hahaha. It wasn't creepy by the way. Just cute. In a funny way ofcourse.

Luscious Sealed Lips said...

Dear Miss Sunshine,

LOL.

Thanks. I feel cute, now. ;)

Kisses.

Preeti said...

LSL,

this is soo much fun ...i believe in connection , its something that make you meet ppl at random places and have an impt part in your life ...wish u meet him soon ...and as Di said he mite be one of the anyon guys who will be happy if he is not as dumb as u percieved in the first meeting :)

and the stalker bit ..we all do it ..i actually love digging info abt ppl at fb , mostly about the guys my frends have crush on.. I havent had a crush for long time now...God how i would love to be a crazy teenager again ...just for the feel of this stupid feeling inside the tummy ..that strange excitment ...:)

good luck

Jack said...

L S L,

Well, well! Truth is finally out. At heart of hearts you are still a teenager with a wish to have a good soulmate. May God bless you with whatever is best for you.

Take care

Kenneth said...

Being Excited is good, whether it makes you feel teenage or not is irrelevant. Best of Luck.

Harini said...

Stalking is fun in a way. I had this super duper crush on a guy from a wedding too i used to stalk him. After a while i came to my friend has hots for him so stopped :(.

I say go for it ;)... re start the blog, re start the connection ;). May be he stalking u too... who knows?

Di said...

*Flying jumping horny kisses*

Ria said...

ha ha quite a cute and interesting post i'd say!!and no it wasnt creepy at all! I hav gone thru such phases....and trust me its fun while it lasts! Although i hav never thought of getting married to such guys! :P

Anyways, coming back to ur story, do keep us informed on ur steps ahead. :) ;)

Luscious Sealed Lips said...

Dear Preeti,

I love the tummy feeling. It makes you feel so fucking good. Why is it that as we grow, we stop crushing and start looking for relationships?

You and Di are really cute. But honestly, I do not think he would be following my Blog. Slightly sure, he is not. :(

Kisses.

Luscious Sealed Lips said...

Dear Jack,

Your comment makes me feel like someone just patted head and ruffled my hair.

I squeeze my shoulders and smile like an 8 year old. :)

Kisses.

Luscious Sealed Lips said...

Dear Kenneth,

Excitement at different ages mean different things. Hence, the teenage excitement is the one I am talking about it. It is completely out of this world. :)

Kisses.

Luscious Sealed Lips said...

Dear Harini,

So, I am not the only one. Wuhoo! Here, the only difference is I stalking him after my cousin got over him. ;)

You guys are so supportive. The game is becoming more fun. ;)

Kisses.

Luscious Sealed Lips said...

Dear Di,

Horny kisses for me? ;)

Kisses.

Luscious Sealed Lips said...

Dear Ria,

I will let you all know, only if it moves forward from just me stalking him no. :/

Kisses.

sawan said...

girl!!! Now this one was one post which was not expected!! Lol :D but it sure was so much of fun to read thru!! Prays hard tht u guys meet up and become thick frenz this time J god bless ya grl. Luv ya!

Luscious Sealed Lips said...

Dear Sawan,

Thanks! :)

But why the surprise?

Kisses.

sawan said...

i dono!! this was more like the script of a karan johar mov which i dnt expect frm ths page. u usualy write more sensible [or do i say practical or more wutever. u got the point right?] stuf relatin to relationships!

but then it gave a fresh luk and its cute. i sersly wish u guys meet! have fun :)

Luscious Sealed Lips said...

Dear Sawan,

I love the butterflies in the stomach. ;)

Kisses.

sawan said...

who dsnt? :) some how i luvd this post so very much :)

Bunny said...

:)

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