Thursday, May 21, 2009

All Night Long

"What movie do you want to watch?"
"Some scary movie."
"K! I thought we grew up. Lights off. Alone at home. Scary movie. Is it still exciting?"
"Hell yes!"
Stare at her for 5 seconds and then spring up.
"Hell yeah, baby!"
Going through the three shelf DVD piles.
"Damn L! Your collection has not changed. We have been going through these movies forever. Khartoum. Lawrence of Arabia. Cleopatra. Argh. Scary!!"
"I want watch something like Chucky or Elm Street."
"Well, you do not have it."
"Fuck! I do not have scary movies, at all, ya."
"Lets watch Scream."
"Its not scary and you must have seen it."
"Everyone has seen Scream, K!"
"I know I am special. The usual never applies to me."
Her petite body lost in my T shirt does the 'usual' super star pose.

We settle on the floor, like old days.
Lots of pillows. Long. Soft. Hard. Heart shaped. All possible shapes and sizes.
A pack of Wills Navy Cut.
A cheap transparent green lighter.
A Mixer jug full to the brim with Costa Coffee-ish Cold Coffee.
A big bowl of Butter Pepper Popcorn, with extra butter.
Television Remote.
DVD Remote.
A.C. Remote.
And a sheet to cover us.

"Shit! It has Drew Barrymore."
"Stupid woman! Not there! Shit... No... no..."
"K! If they do as we ask them too. There would be no scary movies."
And we spend the next 1.5 hours warning every single person running frantically trying to escape the killer. Guessing. Laughing. Fighting over the temperature of the A.C. Having Pop Corn and gulping the Coffee, which was worst than we thought it would be.

"He was the killer."
"I thought so too."
"L! You have seen the movie."
"Yeah! But you know I have terrible movie. I read the same book so many times not realizing I have read it earlier."
"Thank God for my good memory."
"Yeah right! It took you a decade to remember my right birthday."
"Oh! L..."
"Wow! Now what?"
"Behenchod The power had to go dating right now."
"Want some Chai?"
"Oh yes! That sounds great."

Sitting on the green granite with her legs folded, "L! You must have learnt how to cook now, na?"
"I knew how to make tea earlier as well, K."
"Yeah... Like you could make Tea, Maggie and that also you would not if I or Su were there."
"And jugs and jugs of Tang."
"Oh shit! Yeah!"
"You know, now those big tins of Tang are kept unused for months. It was so different some years back."
Picking our cups, we walk back towards the room.
"And only the two of us have remained with each other."
"You know na, how I am, L? I would get lost and never stay in touch."
"Yes, but we have stuck around and will always do so."
Comfortable silences filling the room as we sip Tulsi tea.

"Okay! Never have I ever.... Kissed a girl."
"You are a Loser, L!"
"Yeah right, Lucky Bitch!"
"Your turn."
"Never have I ever worn bright colorful panties under light colored clothes to show them off."
She sipped her tea.
"We do not answer. We just sip our tea if we have."
"Damn! That way my tea will never get over."
"Ok. Never have I ever.... Wanted to have sex in public."
"Wanted? Yes."
She sipped.
"What the Fuck? Where?"
"Outside my ex's school after we went visiting it... And I have made out with this guy in my brother's girlfriend's balcony. And made out here.... there..."
The list was pretty long.
"Oh! Made out! Yeah, G and I made outside your ex's house. In his lift."
"Whoa! WTF!"
"Well, you guys were taking too long to come back home."
"Yeah K!"
We laugh for the next five minutes rolling on the floor.
"OK. OK. Never have I ever..."
"Its my turn, K."
She offered me a cigarette.
"You know. I left, K."
"When did you start regularly?"
"Did. For some time. Now off it, completely."
"One for friendship? We have not fagged together in ages."
And she starts lighting for me after I shrugged in agreement.
"No! This time I will light for the two of us. You have always done it in the past."
As the first puff covers our face with smoke, I continue the game, "Never have I ever wanted to do another man in the presence of my boyfriend."
She sipped again.
"I told you my tea will never get over!"
"Never have I ever.... ever... uuummm.... ever.... done a stranger."
She sipped AGAIN!
"I was stoned so we made out. And once I slept with this girl's boyfriend, who were from my college. She hates me!"
"D'uh K!"
"Fuck! I am sure something like this will happen to me as well. What goes around comes around!"
"Why? Why will this come back to you?"
"I have hurt her."
"Yeah right! Like her boyfriend hurting her was not enough."
"OKAY! Never have I ever...looked in a man's eyes while fantasizing about him."
And this time we both sipped. Fuck! The tea was cold now!
"Never have I ever tried anal."
We sipped.
"Have not we all?", I asked.
"What is with men and anal sex?"
"Yeah! Like the vagina is not enough."
"Did you like it?"
"To be very honest. I did not know where it was!"
"You too? Hah!"
Hi Five! And the thunderous clap brought back the Power.

"Oh! Good."
And we finished the trilogy by 6:30 a.m., guessing, laughing, screaming.

"Now, I am going to my Gym."
"Are you crazy? You will sleep on the Treadmill."
"I have not gone in like a week."
"No. Do not. Your body has not gotten rest."
"But I am fresh."
K walked towards the mirror.
"Come lets do some make up."
"Why are you like my sister?"
"Oh my God! Your sister also likes to do all of this?"
"Yeah! She too makes plans like you do about mid night make up sessions."
"Oh yeah L, remember, we decided we will do nice make up this time. Not like our first night stay when I did nice pink make up for you and you went and applied something green on your eyes."
"I was wearing green!", I cry defensively.
"If you are wearing orange baby, you do not apply orange all over your face and become all Orange."
"Oh! Lets go for a walk."
"Not when I only have my Peep Toes."
"Okay. Anyway, its been long since I slept in the morning."
And I crawl inside the bed sheet.
"No L! Make up!"
"At 7 in the morning? Are you okay?"
"Come on L! You know I have never let you sleep when we are together."
"Oh yes! Ain't no sunshine when he's gone..."
"Fuck! I kept you awake just because I wanted you to hear me sing this continuously for my crush then."
"And then you slept singing while I was still up!"
"Oh L!"
And she jumped onto the bed.
"We are travelling together this weekend. Its going to be fun."
"We have travelled earlier as well."
"Yeah! We will go shopping in the evening."
"Gosh! I want to have sex with G."
"You are so Monika, L."
"No! I am not even close to being a cleanliness freak."
"You are the one with a stable relationship. And I keep flipping like, Jennifer Aniston."
"No. I am Joey."
"I am always flipping."
"I want G."

I guess we had started Sleep Talking. We slept in no time.


Love 'n' Peace.

P.S. - It is only when I am terrible or ecstatic that I vanish. This time it was both. Please forgive me for not visiting your Blogs, will do so slowly and catch up. :)

Also, while I was absconding, my generous beautiful Blogger friend, The Pink Orchid, who on completing 100 posts did a complete Award Ceremony to honor her readers, bestowed upon me The Blogger Dudette Award and the This Blog is Hot Certification. Thanks allot Pink.

A Big Thank you to my dear Don't Be a Slut Blogger Friend, who handed over The Kreativ Blogger Award. It feels great when Awards come your way from your favorite Bloggers. Thank you Girls! You two made my day! Big Hug and Kisses.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Time to Face it!

"I wonder how would a Hindi man ask you 'What are you wearing?'"
"What do you mean by a Hindi man?"
"A man who speaks Hindi."
"Simple G! 'Tum kya pehney ho?'"
"That sounds hot. Now answer it."
"How come?"
"Just got out of a shower."
"What is you weight?"
"What is your weight, now?"
"Hello? I can not hear you G!"
"Alright. If you can not hear me then we will talk later."
"No. No. I can hear you, now."
"What is your weight?"
"I can not hear you again."
"You will lose your weight by my next birthday?"
"I guess."
"This birthday I gave you a good 11 months to lose but you did not."
"No 9!"
"10 1/2"
"No! 9!"
"L, it is 10 1/2, if not 11."
"Alright. Fine. I will lose."
"I can not trust you, ya."
"Please be trustworthy, no!

You there?"
"Why are you sounding down and out while I am being such a choot?"
"No. I am fine."
"Come here. Sit on my lap."
"No. You will die."
"Yes. But let us take a chance."
"No. No."
"Alright. I'll get on top of you?"
"Yeah. I won't die. You do not weigh too much."
"Why are you getting all serious?"
"I am absolutely fine, G. I am not serious."

"You do not have to apologize, G. I am good."
"Now say Saaree Sorry, 20 times."
"Just say it. It is allot of fun."
"No. It is not."
"Come on. I listen to allot of your silly stories. Now it is my turn."
"Caught you. You said 'Sorry Sorry'."
"No. I did not."
"Yes you did. I won. Now give me 100 bucks."
"Yeah right."
"Now see, if I say this four times straight without a mistake, you will have to give me 400 bucks."
Now give me 400 bucks."
"Yeah right!"

We may have continued to do our silly stuff but that one word lingered. I was down and out. I was hurt. Not because of what he said but because he too said it.

I have all my life had a problem trusting people. Why? I just find it difficult. Today, I realized it was because I was not too sure of my own self. I am afraid of forming too many relationships. I feel they have the ability to hurt and ruin you. I feel 'What if I betray or are betrayed unconsciously?' I have always taken my own sweet time in forming the whatever few relationships I have. By that, I mean, the ones I believe in. The ones I know I will carry with me for life, happily, willingly and desperately. By that, I mean Mom, Dad, Sister, K, Aj and G. OF which three have directly shown difficulty in trusting me and three, indirectly.

Trust, for me, like most or rather all, has been a huge issue. By God's grace, I am blessed with people in my life who have treasured my trust in them. Unfortunately, I have not. In small ways or big. Consciously or Unconsciously. One time or more. Their trust in me has come into question. My father has hardly spent any time with me yet is sure he can not trust me, for reasons I am yet to figure out. My sister would love to trust me blindly but also knows I am highly unpredictable. My mother, I feel, sometimes fights with herself to trust me. Probably the only reason why I have survived so far is because of her belief in me, whether it is a self fought and won battle for her or a natural mother-child relation. She has been my pillar yet I can not forgive myself for breaking her trust when I have lied to her for all things, small or big. I have broken K's trust in me, unknowingly but she forgave. Aj's trust, knowingly, assuming it won't make a difference to him. And he pretended as if it did not.

Today G just brought back all that I had ignored all my life. He simply assured me of a flaw I had been hiding under layers of Self assumptions and Ignorance. I have had this issue trouble me but I have pushed it in my closet like a piece of unwanted cloth. G may have joked about being non trustworthy, but it was true. No matter how small or big the matter in question maybe, trustworthiness is highly sensitive. It is neither easy to earn nor maintain.

My heart aches. It is not easy to gulp a piece of truth that has scared you all your life. I feared having trusting issues, not realizing I was trapped in many of those, already. It is like a thick leather whip hitting your naked ass in a crowded arena. That is how bad it hurts. That is how hard the truth is.

Lets face it, 'I HAVE BEEN UNTRUSTWORTHY'! I have been told that too many times, directly and indirectly. Its time, I accept it. It may take all my strength to take it in, but it better be done now. The amendments should be made now. (But I thank God, for giving me such trustworthy people in my life, despite my own known or unknown distrusting times.)

(I am sorry. For the first time, I am wallowing in self pity and do not feel worthy of spreading Love, Peace, Hugs or Kisses.)

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Luscious Sealed Lips and The Sassy Spinster had announced a Singles Awarness Blogathon Week, from February 9th'09 to February 13th '09 to mark the celebration of the Singles Awareness Day on February 14th'09.

The Final participants of the S.A.D. Blogathon are Saroj, Single Hilarity, d Rat and Piyush Tainguriya, along with my co partner, Chrys, who updated her blog everyday through out the week.

Please do visit their blogs and read their special and interesting S.A.D. posts on Singleton.

Thank you!