Thursday, November 25, 2010

Stop. Think!

There is this blog, partly anonymous, partly ignored and dearly close to my heart. For the past few months, I have been irregular, I have been scared. I have always taken this blog as my 'vent out' zone, no matter what the person visiting may feel or think. It is not my judgmental portal. But after some bouts of impulsive blog posts, I have started thinking before I write. I stop myself from writing certain things, probably because I don't want to face them or I don't want anyone else to face them. I have hurt and made some people smile through my posts, but now I prefer to stay quite, I think twice before I write, and I need to break through this. I need to be my LSL self, once again.

But there is something about thinking twice, an age old proverb. Repeatedly reminded by elders, friends and colleagues. I do not know whether my friend and her parent's had heard of this from any of their well wishers. Or maybe they did and ignored, like many of us.

My friend just got married. Being school friends, the entire group of 5 school besties, we were excited to be re united and laugh off the right prediction of her being the first one among all of us getting married. But behind those fake smiles and happiness, we were all worried, we were all mad at her, at her choice of the man she picked, like many of her previous boyfriends.

SN is an adopted Kashmiri Muslim, adopted by a Hindu Bengali-Bihari pair of IAS parents. She always had a nanny, even when she visited any of our houses. Today too, her nanny accompanies her everywhere. Her parents have been extremely protective of her for all the right reasons. She has no mind of her own. She is easily influenced and can be an utter fool. She was never interested in academics. How she finished school was a surprise to all of us too. She went on to do random courses in Make up and Jewelery, just to pass her time. Eventually, her rich parents set up her Jewelery business, trough various exhibitions, etc., thanks to their contacts.

Amidst all of this she did some stupid make up course, where she met MA, a hair dresser, and fell for him. He did not like her and was dating someone else at that point of time. He made his friend woe her and being the easily wooed sorts, she went out with him. He was well treated by her and received allot of expensive gifts in return of some attention, being her constant phone companion and adding a little 'fun' in her life. It was after this guy started showing off his amazingly convenient relationship with SN, that MA got jealous and threatened him to ditch her. And so he did. Only to break up with his girlfriend and hit on SN. SN got wooed within hours, again.

SN's choice of men have always reminded us of those old Hindi movies where nothing but love mattered. Class, cast, cultural differences were just words, but nothing that held any meaning in this world of blinded love. Practicality was always out of question and conversation, with her. She never respected the wishes of her family and sound advices from friends. She preferred shunning these people out of her life and have them back as per her convenience. Whenever she fell in love, she found a new confidante, a new friend, cause the real ones tried stopping her. She dated some random Barista waiter, then some Churiwala at a Mela, then some other churiwala in some thin lanes of an old city market.

SN is a pretty and dumb girl, asked out by many young intelligent sons of other IAS, businessmen family friends, but she never seemed to like them. Always found flaws in them. Their arrogance, their flirtatiousness, their lineage, there was an excuse not to be wooed, also cause she already had her heart set on either of these churiwalas and waiters. An issue we thought would get sorted as she grows up and her parent's find her a suitable boy. But none that you hope, happens.

SN decided to marry MA. MA had fun with SN without any intentions of marrying her. SN had decided, he was the man she always wanted to be with. MA asked for sex, and she refused, only to bring back the old Hindi movie back in picture. She coaxed him into marrying her, and her parents who are still not happy with this decision of hers.

They have set up a place for the couple, a salon-cum-jewelery store, hoping they will settle themselves in their respective careers. MA's seven uneducated unemployed brothers have been employed in that salon and has taken over her jewelery store as well. He disses SN's advices and decisions regarding their business, calling her too dumb for it and intends taking over the entire business on his own. He has already started to. SN's parents have got them a house too, where the couple will live with MA's first mom, while the second mom and father shall peacefully stay in MA's village.

MA comes from a conservative uneducated Muslim family and SN, from a liberal educated Hindu one. This union is not about class differences and religious differences, but simply about the two ends they come from. It is about the difference in which they look at their relationship. SN is blinded by love and MA, by the convenience that has come with it for him and his family.

As I sat beside her during her Nik'ah, my heart bled. Do the parents even know, whatever she is repeating after the Mullah, after her 'Kabool Hai', was her conversion into a Muslim? No, they did not. And I did not have the heart to tell them, NOW, your daughter has successfully been converted without your knowledge. It is okay, only if they knew about it, but unfortunately they didn't. The father was refused to sign on her Nik'ah Nama (Muslim Marriage Certificate) because he is not a Muslim. Does it get worst than this? Yes. SN has already forgotten about what her parents have done for her and is totally unthankful, rude and her reply to every suggestion or word from her parents' is 'I am a married woman, now!'.

Personally, it is beyond me and no one on this planet can expect respect from me if they have none for their parents. My heart sank deeper as I saw her running towards her now-husband, as her parents walked towards her to hug her, without even noticing them.

Did she stop for a moment and think twice about her decision? About the circumstances that this decision will put her in? There is an absolute class, culture, religion, family, traditional change for her. Was she ready for it? Or was she only ready for a husband, who is clearly marrying her only for the material conveniences? The man and his family only agreed to this marriage after they had weighed down all that was coming with this inter religion union. But had she? Her parents did and they did try stopping her. We tried coaxing her into 'thinking twice', but for once, she was not easy to influence. She cried after her engagement over the sudden changes in MA. In the way he treated her, their business and the love that she thought they shared. She agreed on the fact that he might be with her only for what comes with her, not cause of her, and she still seems okay with it? She clearly has remained a fool in the years gone by.

As loved ones, we can now, only pray for her well being and a happy married life. I, only hope that the love she married MA for, only grows between the two and no problem or unexpected issues come her way. May she adjust beautifully in this different world without any pressures, troubles and taunts. This is not the ideal family, her family must have imagined her being a part of, but this remains the truth for the rest of their lives.

Nature has once again won over Nurture. Their years of protectiveness and upbringing could do nothing in front of the strength of her original origin. She is back in the kind of family, she probably came from. Being brought up in a certain way did not change a thing in her attitude or her interests or her thoughts.

She is one example I don't want to look at when I suggest adoption to my sister. I'd rather be a surrogate mother to my sister's children. Something I have been thinking of very seriously. Something that I intend doing for her, if only I ever find a man to marry who feels and agrees to the same. My sister was never for adoption while I always pushed her for it, and now when she is considering it, I want to stop her, I want to tell her, she is not strong enough to endure the pain that SN's parents did. What if nurture fails in her case too? She'd rather have someone from the family than somebody completely unknown. Than somebody who would know it all her life that my sister is not her real mother and despite my sister being a mother, the child may not act like a daughter.

We all need to stop and think twice before such big decisions. Adoption or Marriage is not a Blog Post, that one can rely on impulse. They are life changing decisions. They have to be thought over, they have to be weighed, they have to be calculated and studied. They need your full attention, they need you to be prepared with anything and everything unseen that comes with it. It is all a maze, you never know where you land up.

Love 'n' Peace.


Tuesday, November 9, 2010

And they lived 'Satisfied' ever after!

There are no happy stories. Only illusions. What if you found out Cinderella's Prince cheated on her with one of her step sisters? What if the Little Mermaid missed her life under sea so much that she was always unhappy despite marrying the love of her life and living on land, as she always wanted? Would these stories really end with 'And they lived happily ever after'?

I see people wanting to get laid. Unsatisfied in their marital sex lives. Sexual flings with colleagues/clients/bosses. Insecurity in relationships. Men and Women walking into hotels seperately, meeting in the same room. Leaving seperately at the gap of 10-15 minutes. People from the world thronging porn sites, releasing themselves in front of screens with men and women mating, you have no clue about. Mating with men and women you just met at the bar or the dance floor. Thronging sex chat sites, jerking off to some Miss sluttypussy or fingering for some Mr. BigBlackCock. All for, sexual pleasures and satisfaction. But, is there any, really?

I log onto sex chat sites, for the fun of it. There is some stupid fun in seeing people pinging you 'Ill tear your husband's favorite thongs and pound that wet smooth pussy.' It is hilarious, really. Like, you have no clue who I am, I could tell you I am some Blondie from Amsterdam, who is married and fantasizes her son and you would have a hard on. Like, really? Are you serious when you say you want me to roleplay your daughter's friend on chat? Hah. Its funny. I have never gone beyond these two lines on any of these sites. They make for a hilarious time killer and an interesting study too.

Thousands of lonely horny people, who want to get on top of you (men and women) just for releasing themselves. It is sad. It is weird when I hear of married couples cheating on their spouses. When I see friends having sex with their bosses for 'fun'. When I see men and women amidst a large group yet sharing this immense sexual tension. Trying so hard to seduce the other. Flirting with each other. The world is at it every second. Amelia had a good curiosity, how many people in this world are having an orgasm as I type this? We are sometimes worst than animals who are so desperately looking for sex. More than companionship, we are looking for some 'action', yet crying ourselves to sleep cause the bed is just full of your mess and cushions, but no arm to embrace you, no lips to kiss your forehead while you are asleep. Its funny to me. Its something I dont understand, yet am a part of it, in some ways.

I see myself in either an unhappy marriage or unhappy being lonely n single. There is no medication for happiness. No solution. No reason big enough. Definitely nothing genuine to make you genuinely happy either. What are we all doing with our lives? Wasting in waiting, in some unbelievable hope? Or Moving on accepting the cynism and just treating sex as a daily need, like food. Sometimes you get great food and sometimes, distasteful. Has feeling Sexy replaced feeling Special? Has Lust taken over Love? Where is the love from our lives missing? Why do we like to believe we are the only ones who want a genuine partner and the other person in this world is incapable of giving us that? Why have we given up on relationships? On life? On love? On happiness? On content? Do they really exist or did they die the moment we all stepped out of our parents' homes. For me, it did. And for you?
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Luscious Sealed Lips and The Sassy Spinster had announced a Singles Awarness Blogathon Week, from February 9th'09 to February 13th '09 to mark the celebration of the Singles Awareness Day on February 14th'09.

The Final participants of the S.A.D. Blogathon are Saroj, Single Hilarity, d Rat and Piyush Tainguriya, along with my co partner, Chrys, who updated her blog everyday through out the week.

Please do visit their blogs and read their special and interesting S.A.D. posts on Singleton.

Thank you!