Friday, January 23, 2009

Reading how to Ruin Romance?

Most of my female readers have grown up on Cinderellas, Beauty and the Beast, Rapunzel, The Little Mermaid (This one was my favorite) and many other 'And they lived happily ever after...' Fairy tales. I blame these Fairy Tales to be the BIGGEST culprits for ruining romance. They make each woman believe that there is a Prince Charming, A Knight in the Shining Armour, Someone who would come riding on a horse and sweep the world beneath their feet, Sing songs in praise of their beauty and then they both would kiss and live a happily ever after life. Huh. Ofcourse.

And then came the Mills and Boons, The Love Story, The Pride and the Prejudice, The Jane Austen's, Casablanca, Notting Hill, Moulin Rouge, Gone With the Wind, etcetra, etcetra. The list is endless. They have further cashed on the emotion called 'love' and made it worst for us love fools. We live breathe eat sleep die love. And then came the Self Help books. They claim to help you find the 'PERFECT MAN' for you. They will tell you what is a man like if he opens the door for you from his right hand. They will tell you what is wrong with the man you are currently dating. They will tell you how you are ruining your life and and losing yourself by living with a man who blows his nose a little too loudly. (Yeah! Probably blowing his nose loudly is a LOUD sign that he is careless and irresponsible.) This way or that - YOU ARE RUINED IF YOU ARE READING!

I have definitely grown up on the best of Fairy Tales, but THANK GOD, I grew up AFTER that and never read any of those soft bound Love tales which present some horrible writing styles. The only Self Help Book that I have read, or rather was forced to read was "You Can Win". God! My school and Mom, both loved it and they read it to us if we did not read it ourselves. But then that is the point! That is what books do. They try to take over our lives. We read with an open mind and would want to imbibe, believe and live by the same words. Where does that leave YOU? It simply leaves you as a mere SUBJECT of their stupidity. You lose YOURSELF!

The whole point being, since we have GROWN UP on such Love Stories, we start believing in them. We believe everything is perfect. We try so hard to make everything perfect. Whether it is kissing on a yatch or being always pretty for your guy. We do things which are unnecessary, unwanted and not even desired for. Maybe not even ourselves! Ask yourself deeply, do you really want to do this? Doing something just because it seems romantic, is not real love. How many times, do we do unnecessary, unwanted things for 'others' whom we love? Parents, Friends, Siblings, Pets....? We do not! Because it would not be 'Romantic'.

And when we try so hard, yet things do not fall the way we see them, we feel disappointed, cheated, disheartened. Why? Only because we had a different picture all through our life in our minds and we see something else. So, the ones who realized this took this upon themselves as a moral responsibility to save every woman from being trapped into the Fairy Land and believing in having a Prince Charming. So, what these women did, they started writing about how EVERYTHING is wrong in your relationship, your man. Obviously, women believed that too and 'helped themselves'. WOW! We hope, we dream, we love, we lose, we fight back and how? By killing our own selves. How ruthlessly romantic is that?

It is sad when we start expecting too much from our relationships. It is a sin to classify certain expressions under 'for men' and 'for women'. Why can not a man be shy? Why can not a woman first say she loves a man? Why can not a woman go and ask a man to marry her or ask him for sex? Why can not a man say 'no' to sex? Why? Ofcourse you can. You can say, do, date, love whoever whenever wherever you want. We do not need to expect our men to get us flowers all the time and say the right things to pamper us, always. Do they not deserve to be pampered, to be left alone when wanted?

All we need to understand is that we are individuals. It is important to stay connected with ourselves, it is only then can we love and love happily. No boundations. No expectations. No rules. No nothing. Accept how things are and more importantly, accept how you are. You find it difficult to express, no pressures, my love. You do not want to talk on the phone or you'd rather play FIFA than 'talk' , it really is NO CRIME. It is your life. You would probably do the same with your Mom. Ask her to go away when you want to play FIFA. We girls need to learn a bit, practise a little and bring a big change. And guys, you all really do not HAVE to get 'emotionally blackmailed' always. Sometimes, please do. (Puppy face.)

Yes yes yes. Realization dawns upon me too. I NEVER had imagined I could be a pain in the ass. But, to my biggest surprise. I managed to 'be a girl' allot of times. For no rhyme or reason I'd start a 'You don't talk to me...' fight. Gawd! If I was in G's place na, I would have gotten into the phone and given one tight slap. Gosh! I find myself really irritating sometimes. In G's words 'Stop being a girl ya...'

Love 'n' Peace.


P.S. - Luscious is going away for a long time. A sort of vacation with family. Will also meet G for a day. We are planning to go for our first Movie Date, together. (See, again... 'FIRST MOVIE DATE'... Romantic no? Huh. We women, can we help this about ourselves? Ssshhh... I like being this way sometimes. ;) )

Friday, January 16, 2009

Single Awareness Day - Blogathon Week

Valentines Day is about a month away and as most may not know it is also celebrated as S.A.D. "The Singles Awareness Day". So as a worshipper of love, Luscious Sealed Lips and The Sassy Spinster have decided to celebrate this Single Awareness Day with all of you in our own way.

We are announcing a week long (February 9th '2009 to February 13th '2009) Singles Awareness Blogathon. And we cordially invite each one of you to come be a part of this run for love. (You do not have to be "single" to be a part of this. You could be married, committed, engaged, in an open relationship or whatever to participate and celebrate Singlehood.)

How can you be a part of this?
Please e-mail or comment in the comment box, your
Blog Address (Blogger, Wordpress, Live Journal, all are welcome)
E-mail Address (This shall remain private)

Next step.
After you commit to participate by giving us your details. You will have to copy paste this announcement on your blog. This way we spread the word and invite more people. :)

1) You must update your blog with atleast one post on Singlehood between February 9th '2009 to February 13th '2009.
2) The post should be in English, preferably.
3) It HAS to be about the niceness of Singlehood. Any post which talks about the sad or dark sides of Singlehood shall not be considered. After all we are celebrating Singledom, isn't it?
4) The post can be of any nature. An anecdote, poetry, fiction or whatever you like. (But it has to highlight the beauty and advantages of singledom.)

What will we do?
On February 14th '2009, Sassy and I will check out all the blogs of the participants and update our blog with the list of links of all those who have updated. That way, we all can check out, comment and rate our favorites.

So, are you all ready?

On your mark... Get set... Go.....

Love 'n' Peace.


P.S. - Any doubts or questions, feel free to ask. Thanks! :)

Sunday, January 11, 2009


Statutory Warning - THIS AINT A POST

I am in such a terrible mood that I feel like scribbling on my blog. Since I can not do that I am writing this post from the right side. I do not know. Probably this is my way of taking out my anger. Anger?

Okay. So we have not spoken spoken in a long time. Guess what? This did not even strike me until he made me realize it himself by mentioning it yesterday and said, "I want to talk all night. Its been a while since we have talked for long. In your words 'talked talked'." I was alright the way it was going. No issues. BUT, he said something of THIS sort and I WOULD NOT grab the opportunity? Huh. You have got to be kidding me. I was fucking tired, sleepy. Infact had called him to say good night at 21:45 it self when he just mentioned it and as an overexcited fool I tell him I'll call him as soon as I am free. (People were around). And so, I call only to discover he has gone off to sleep. F-U-C-K-E-R!

That evening it self he made me feel so good. He said something he has never said before and trust me the post was going to be all about that, but I guess he did not want my blog look too sugary. So, he made my day today again b saying something extrmely sweet. Tonight I was not really in the mood to talk, but he seemed to. O.K. Another opportunity, grab it with both hands. ...........................................................................................................................................................................................................

He spoke for a full 32 minutes on the phone about something. Mind you, HE spoke for THIRTY TWO MINUTES ALONE! I was honestly bored. I was having fun watching good music on music channels after a long time, but NOW I was sleepy to the core. It made me MAD. I was not pissed, sad or even upset. But I was mad at him. I was mad at him for boring me. For talking to me about something so random and boring when I really wanted to 'talk'. Fuck.

Sigh. Feels good. I think I just did not have a great day. I am in one of my phases where I need to be with myself. I am simply over reacting. And trust me, no matter how 'boring' it may have sound. It was something that would have interested me if only the time and mood were right. I had heard everything he said. I love how he talks about EVERYTHING. Even after putting me on No. 8 of his list. This New Year Diary that I gifted him comes 1st followed by his
  • I Pod
  • Music on Laptop
  • Laptop
  • His favorite T.V. sitcom
  • His home theatre
  • This one I do not remember
I Love him ya. I can not help but find everything interesting about him. Simply because I am interested in him. He is the love of my life. And oh dear, he has heard much boring crap from me than I could ever hear from him. But that is what partners do. They listen. They hear. They speak. They are interested. They are so not interested. They love you. They are bored of you. They will always be there for you.

Love 'n' Peace.


P.S. - I need some time off. I want to be ONLY with myself for a while. :)

Monday, January 5, 2009

Love hurts....

Last night a friend of mine asked me a 10,000 billion pound question. "L, tell me something. What is a difference between a lover and a friend?" After allot of thinking and beating around the bush, I came to the conclusion, "You just know it. It is your feeling. No one can know it better than you yourself can."
"I think I am forgetting how to love."
"You can not. It is something that comes naturally to us humans. We love love."
"I don't think anyone loves me here."
"I love you. I am here."
"I know.... but..."
"It is alright. It is just a phase. Let yourself open and you will feel better."
He tells me now how he has been in love with this girl for a year. They talk. They chat. She says "We are just friends" yet drops hints at him and also expects him to tell her all the time how much he still wants her just to shoo it off with a "I am confused. I do not know anything right now. Let us be the 'best of friends'."
"It hurts, L."

He is right when he is asking me that question. I may have played around "A best friend can be a lover and a lover can be your best friend too. On the contrary a best friend may not make a great lover and vice verse." Thankfully, I have found a lover in an interesting man and a great friend in a lover. But, what is the difference after all?

I thought I was in love with my best friend even after two weeks of being with G. There were moments where I was sure I was not in love with Aj, but there were a billion doubts that surrounded that supposed surety. I cried when I met him last. Why? Because he said something which had hurt me and I did not tell him about it till the end. We kept talking and meeting. He was leaving the country next day, for six months. He dropped me home and did not let me go out of the car. He could sense something was on my mind. He insisted I tell him. I could not. Instead I dashed out of the car with tears dropping down my cheeks unstoppably. I had no idea why was I crying. I felt horrible. I felt weird. Disgusting. Strange. Confused.

I said I was in love with G. But here, I was crying for some odd reason which I did not even know, for him. For my best friend. For the guy who treats me like his guy friend. I needed a friend at that time. Aj was definitely out of the question. G? NOWAY. We had just started off and discussing this would make things horrible between us specially when I am not clear in my own head. I called K, my soulmate. I just cried. She asked, "Did Aj say something?"
"No. He dropped me. Asked me what was up with me but I left."
"Are you in love with him?"
"I don't know."
"God! I always knew you were. Since school I knew this."
I sobbed. She calmed me down. Something she is actually horrible at.

I pondered all night and realized.
I just love Aj too much. So much as a friend that I could do anything for him literally. When I say love is the most important feeling for me. I mean it. Aj and K are family. Infact K and I love each other so much that we openly confess "We could make love to each other if that was the only way left to express our love for each other." I guess that is how much I have always loved Aj too. Probably the only reason why I never thought I could be 'in love' with K because I am a hetrosexual. Probably because the only man I loved so much after Papa was him. I was misunderstanding my own feelings. Crying had afterall helped. I knew Aj was the best friend I could die for. He was the guy whom I love so much and not 'loved loved'. But, I loved, nonetheless.

We met again the next day. We spoke. We laughed. He teased me about G. We loved. K was happy to see us this way. We hugged. We left.
K - "Why are you so quiet?"
L - "No. Nothing."
K - "Gosh. I hate Aj. God knows what happens to you after you meet him."
There was a moment here. A moment where I almost thought 'what if I am using G to get over Aj?'
L (smiling) - "I know I love G."
K - "Great. I am happy."
L - "I am happy with him too."

I have come to know myself better since that day. I am not really that closed and unfeeling a person as I thought I was. I love loving. I love loving everyone and everything. I love LOVE. No doubts about it anymore. And knowing this. Accepting whatever comes with love, including hurt makes you more human. More real. 'Cause without love I wont survive.

Now, I am waiting for Aj. He is coming today for two days then he will go to G's city. We will spend those two days together. Having fun. Sharing love. (He has finally broken up with his four year old girlfriend. Silly that girl was. I always told him to break up because I thought she was dumb and also because I knew he did not love her. After a thousand tries, he finally has broken up. So, there is lots to catch up on.)

P.S. - The other day G and I were discussing Incubus. I realized I had not heard Incubus in a long time. Did that and could not find a more perfect song.

Thursday, January 1, 2009

Soul or the Hole?

"L, In seven seconds I am not going to ask you to marry me."
G told me long back that he wants to propose marriage to me after we have had a fight and then when I am angry and looking in the opposite direction he would use his "smile inducing technique" and say "L, I am going to propose to you in seven seconds."
2 seconds of silence. The advantages of a free phone.
"I don't want to marry you, L. I want to marry your soul."


"Hey." Slightly exhausted.
"Where are you?"
"Home. Why?"
"Home alone?"
"Yeah. You too?"
"No. But I am room alone."
"Got some plans?"
"Yes. Some nasty plans."
"Tell me."
"I want to come to your house from your back door and drag you to your bedroom and throw you on the bed. Strip your clothes completely and strip some of mine."
"What will you keep on?"
"I am wearing a double layered shirt. So I will take off the upper shirt..."
"What color panties are you wearing?"
"Oh Fuck! Come and suck my cock."
We talk.
Within 2 minutes.
"Please put your panties on. I will take atleast 5 minutes to get another hard on."
HE CAME. He was already shaking for ten minutes before I called him. I was not even close.
"I am sorry."
"No. Its okay."
Ofcourse it is okay BASTARD! I would have been better off if I did not call you. Huh. It was happening for the second time. The last time we had phone sex he did not even realize or ask if I came. He came and the topic changed. Our frequency has decreased to a great extent. I have stopped being horny too. Strange. Sometimes I have to try hard to be horny. I think. I fantasize. Nothing seems very exciting any more. But I know I do not take very long to cum. He came soon.

So, we continue talking. I was actually horny this time. I was not going to wait for his hard on. MY EGO GREATEST! We are talking about some random shit. But I was busy. He talked. I 'hhmmm-ed' and came. Sigh.

I could have hung up. Gotten done and then called. But MY EGO GREATEST! He did not even come to know what I was up to. Makes me feel PROUD for some strange reason. We talk about how many times does a normal man, single man, man in a long distance relationship, having regular sex man and other types of men masturbate and cum. I dress up.

"L, In seven seconds I am not going to ask you to marry me."
2 seconds of silence. The advantages of a free phone.
"I don't want to marry you, L. I want to marry your soul."
I am actually stabbing my heart with a sharp dagger and dying.
"I am dead, G."
"Where the hell did you come up with that from?"
"It is a Lover boy line. Imagine
Lover boy - 'Lover girl, I want to marry your soul.'
Lover girl - 'But, I want someone who can fit his cock in my hole.'

LOL. Splendid I am no?"
"LOL. Yes. Very."
"Where will you find a guy who can make you smile and laugh the way I do. Men have a horrible sense of humor. Another guy can not make you laugh in a whole life time as much as I do in a day."
He just switched on his Self Praise button. *Bulb* G should make a 2009 resolution that he will not indulge in any sort of self praise.
"Okay. I challenge you L. Find a guy better than me in a month."
"Yes. That is how sure I am of my credentials."
"OK. Done. Let us take a one month break and find ourselves new and better partners."
"Oh Hello! No break. But if you want I can easily find another woman to get laid. That ain't difficult. Would you like it?"
"NO! Dare you sleep with another woman."
"I do not even want to. I have you. After one month I have to come back to you only na."
I smile.
"I can not find a better man than you."
It is so fucking easy to make a woman smile and flatter her. Huh. Gosh. Women are naturally 'easy'.
"Chal, now on this note lets hump."
"Yeah right."
"Okay. We will have sex some other time."
"What happened?"
"LOL. Nothing. Chal we will talk later. Bye."
"Take Care."
"Take Care."
"I Love you."
"I Love you."
"A Big huuuuugggg."
"A Big kiiissssss."
"A Big kissssssssssss."
"A Big huuuuuuuuuuugggg."
"Byeeeee Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee."
"Byeeeeeee Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Chal na. Go now. I will have a grown pussy if I talk like that for one more second. Bye."
"LOL. Bye."

I really can not find a man even in the next 'saath janam' who can make me laugh as much as he does. He makes me smile as if it is his moral responsibility to. He keeps me happy and 'satisfied' too. I want to marry his soul and he can get the hole as the wedding gift.

(Though it seems like another day to me. A day to drink and dance. An additional holiday for some. It is also the only day the entire world celebrates together (well, almost.) disregarding their sex, race, religion or nation. So, I'd rather celebrate it in that spirit than any other.)

And now my wishes, the Luscious way. (I really do not want to add prosperity and crap here.)



Love 'n' Peace.

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Luscious Sealed Lips and The Sassy Spinster had announced a Singles Awarness Blogathon Week, from February 9th'09 to February 13th '09 to mark the celebration of the Singles Awareness Day on February 14th'09.

The Final participants of the S.A.D. Blogathon are Saroj, Single Hilarity, d Rat and Piyush Tainguriya, along with my co partner, Chrys, who updated her blog everyday through out the week.

Please do visit their blogs and read their special and interesting S.A.D. posts on Singleton.

Thank you!