Monday, February 23, 2009

Why blame it on PMS?

"I did not mean the sorry."
"OK. Then I am sorry."
"No. Please do not be if you do not mean it. I did not mean it and that is why I am telling you. I want to be honest."
"OK. Then even I am not sorry."
"Shall we go for some tea?", he asked in his sweet voice.
"No. I do not want to talk. Bye."
"Bye."

I stared at the phone for ten minutes by the watch. He did not call back. I sobbed like a call would save my relationship. We obviously had 'nothing to talk', according to him.

Called him all day. He was busy. Understandable. No issues. Like always, when we talk, he tells me everything about his office, his friends, his plan for the next 3 hours. Sometimes, he sounds like Sunali Kulkarni's boyfriend from Dil Chahta Hai. The one who remembers the day date time and place where he used to buy a 'heart shaped' balloon from. LOL. Subodh was his name. Then I tell him how my plans of coming to his city have changed and the chances of shifting there are seeming difficult. He pleads how I should try my level best. He also scolds me on something I should be doing but am not. And then all of a sudden says, 'OK. Bye'. I ask for more time and he says the usual, "We have nothing to talk." And as always, he has decided for me too that we have nothing to talk.

Ofcourse, I have lost it. I am angry. I am hurt. Hurt more than angry. We fight over how I do not want to talk to him now and he insists on how we should, now. I tell him in my true irritable tone, "You are irritating me." Well, if you try babying your woman at the wrong time. Trust me, you are nothing but annoying her. I scream. Am rude. He probably (obviously) did not like the way I was talking to him. We hang up.

I call him back to apologize. He accepts and we hang up immediately again. He had 'nothing to say'. My tone was cold. Trying hard to feel that way too but failed.

We fought over the same thing just two nights before. We had phone sex and within 5 minutes 'we had nothing to talk', as if talking for those 5 minutes was also a part of 'Lets talk otherwise she will feel how selfishly I hung up right after sex'. I did express my complaint on 'how we do not talk' but did not mention how weird it felt. I maybe wrong in the way I am feeling. I hope I am but how come I never get to decide whether we have something to talk or not?

I am definitely not somebody who likes sticking to the phone. I do not even like talking on the phone. It is a bloody waste of time. But there is just one person I want to talk my heart out to. Unfortunately, lately I am nearing something I dread - Feeling uncomfortable talking about anything to him. The last time when I wanted to talk about my sister's decision. I did not talk to him about it, not because I did not want to, but cause I did not know how to. If this continues I will slowly forget my comfort with him. I will forget how to talk to him carelessly about everything. Communication is the only fucking thing that keeps a relationship alive. I do not want to lose that.

I understand he gets tired. He wants to be with himself. He just does not want to talk. But please do not try covering that with a 'we have nothing to talk about'. I was hurt because I really had allot to say, hear and talk about. And have it for many days. I agree I do not start 'talking' immediately, like it was all pre decided or computerized in my head - 'Next pause and start with your story, L'. And before you reach your comfort zone and start what you want to, you can do nothing but talk to yourself about it. When the other person has already decided for me too, whether I have something to say or not, then what am I suppose to do?

I hate being the first one to call all the time. I hate being the one who wants to always 'talk'. Makes me feel like I am pushing him into doing something he does not want to do. That is not even the last thing that I would want.

I know I have hurt him today with my behavior. It hurts me more to know that I have hurt the man I love. I would do anything to see him happy. Probably even stop expecting him to hear me when I want to 'talk'. But would I be doing any good to myself? Our relationship? To him? Faking, really isn't good. Let us not call it 'compromise'. We all know how much 'compromises' keep us happy. Either understand or clear it out. I do not know what to do. Would he understand what I am trying to clear out? Or would he call it another 'PMS Conversation'?

Love 'n' Peace.

Hugs.
Kisses.

P.S. - This post is dedicated to Dipti. She helped me find out something I have been trying to figure out over months. Why do couples have PMS fights? She said, "pms fights are mainly because the guy starts getting worked up the moment you tell them you are pmsing, cuz they start dreading from that moment that you will be a different intolerable horrible woman for the next few days lol" I Love you, Dips. :) Big hug and a big kiss for you.

28 comments:

sawan said...

i wud say give him some space. let him feel the void for some time and realize ur importance and fill it himself. the more u try to fill it, the more it wud worsen.. rust me, some times silence is the best medication.

Luscious Sealed Lips said...

Dear Sawan,

I agree. Probably I'd suggest the same to my friend. But it is so hard to be that way.

I am so used to him. It is hard to stay away from him.

Infact, I had decided doing something similar, but could not resist. Instead, I was the one, still who was calling.

I guess he still does not know what is in my head. Anyway. :|

Kisses.

sawan said...

it does happen.. dont worry too much.. things wud be alright.. but try analyzing his view point.. u guys have a life ahead.. and things could go worser, trust me.. once u start living together, u wud easily get used to each other soon.. think of it and make sure you have an answer. cos its u who decide whats good for u and what's not :)

Luscious Sealed Lips said...

Dear Sawan,

You are right.

I need to give some 'serious' thought. :)

Thanks.

Hugs.
Kisses.

kunal said...

sawan is quite rite thought. on that.

ki said...

Oh my god.
I could have written this post!

Wanting to 'talk' makes me feel so over emotional and stupid sometimes especially when he doesn't reciprocate!

Dudeaboard said...

i dont normally read long posts. but this post kept me goin. U got urself a regular visitor :)

Dipti said...

aww honey! heheh how sweet of you to dedicate the post to me...now my pms will remind me of you and G :p LOL

hmmmm, i feel and understand all the words in this post.. it's a woman thing. the need to 'talk' 7 expecting him to do too

sometimes we over do it too .. like i USED to keep an entire week's call records on my phone (for the duration) and calculate by the end of the week to see how much we 'talked' ... and when he used to sleep off on saturday nights after movie, i used to wake him up or message 20 times all night to crib about how less we TALK.. oh my god, what a pain in the ass i was!!

anyway, you are RIGHT, communication IS THE MOST IMPORTANT! i guess you are feeling discomfort in sharing important stuff with him cuz' he decided for the both of you that there's nothin to talk about... grr, that is hurting..

a relationship needs that extra effort from both the sides specially a LDR..

But don't fear that you will lose that communication thing and the comfort level... maybe he is feeling pressured to "talk" when there is hardly anything to.. it's best to hang up when topics run out.. sometimes 5 minutes of "hiii baby whats up , this is what im doing, miss you, love you, talk to u later" is also good.. i spend an entire week like that sometimes..

i also call him more than he does, it was an issue once and we had a fight when it had been 4 days and only i was calling. he said 'how does it matter who calls!" .. i was not totally comfortable with it...it matters.. i want him to call me too...i made it clear. i feel that a person calls someone when he/she misses you / thinks about you. And obviously a girl wants her guy to miss her! rather, expects that. its natural.

so i didn't call him. and he was like "tujhe yaad nameri aai kisi se ab kya kehna" LOL... he got the point... its understood that whenever anyone wants to talk, CALL... without waiting for the other one to call/start missing. sometimes he calls 3 times in a day. sometimes doesn't call for 2 days and i do..whenever i miss him... so its okay, i have stopped making a big deal about "who calls"..

..

there is never "we have nothing to talk about" .. rishab says that after a fight when all i do is make sniffsniff sounds on the phone heheh.. and its right, its dangerous to holding on and expecting a conversation after a fight.

--

i have stopped mentioning my pms to him now (so that he doesnt get the chance to blame everything on my pms), i let him guess now.. i play around... i act pms-y and he says "periods on kya???".. i say .. "no, they got over 2 weeks back!!" and then he is like..okkkay...

fuck this comment is turning into a never ending EMAIL sorts.. i have to go cook somethinG!

will be back..

the thing is... let it be..with a smile.. even if its forced. you will feel like the bigger person he he he

fuck G also reads the posts na... hey G ;) are you amused...

women think too much , i agree!!

moon's muse said...

I am always the one to call,I am the one who wants to talk,not him,never.
I gave him space,we hardly talk now,have been apart for over 11 months after having stayed together for five years in the same campus.But still he never wants to talk to me though maintaining he loves(?) me.

It's unfair and it really really hurts.

Luscious Sealed Lips said...

Dear Kunal,

Hhhhmmm. I agree. :)

Kisses.

Luscious Sealed Lips said...

Dear Ki,

I guess most women face the same problem. :(

Kisses.

Luscious Sealed Lips said...

Dear Dudeaboad,

Thanks.

Would love to see you around. :)

Kisses.

Luscious Sealed Lips said...

Dear Dips,

Phew. Yes, that was quite an e-mail but I loved it. Needed it, would be more appropriate, actually. :)

I guess I am over doing it too. Pestering him and myself a little too much about 'what' and 'how much' do we talk including, 'who calls'. R is right, 'it really does not matter'.

We will have to accept the hard truth. Our fucking men are busy, so we have to do the extra bit to squeeze ourselves in their lives. We know they want us. They know they want us. They just can not do much about it. Also, I guess, men do not know how to do this. God did not teach men way too many things and left them at our disposal.

We have the 5 min. conversation all the time. I do not mind it too. I believe in talking as much as you have. The rest is a wastage of time, but sometimes when you have something to talk and can not. It starts to eat you up from the inside. And that isn't a good feeling. Thus, we blame it on the men and they, on PMS.

I will leave it with a smile. We spoke about it. I hate it when I really have 'nothing to say' about my own feelings. Sometimes they are just so momentary. Isn't it?

I am still confused. I will take time but get over it.

Thanks.

I Love you. :)

Kisses.
Hugs.

Luscious Sealed Lips said...

Dear Moon's Muse,

This really hurts.

Have you not tried 'talking' to him about this?

Kisses.

catatonickid said...

I am so glad I came across your blog. You're original, bright and funny. Really great writing. I will be back for more!

*sending good vibes your way*

You had me at the black roses, btw ;)

Viyoma R said...

To each his own, May be he doesnt like being bothered too much...may be the phone calls are getting more frequent, give a break, try getting back later.

Good LUCK!

Nen said...

Aah..phone relationships are horrible. Its kind of hard to depend wholly on words coming out of the tiny holes of a machine, that you have to press hard against your ear, to be connected with anyone romantically.
And damn it! Even the words aren't coming out clear sometimes due to bad signals.

Rose said...

I agree with Viyoma.

Men do not like it if women try too hard to get attention.

Give him some space and i hope he isnt annoyed too much.

If he really loves u... he will get back to u and will TALK!

Anyway tc...

Rose (The Netherlands)

americanising desi said...

and i think that need to talk always ends up in trouble.. dunno how the man thing works but they say when they are not in a mood, even talking is pathetic and they dont wanna go by the rules of us women... some things women cant take and some things men dont understand!
what a life!

Luscious Sealed Lips said...

Dear catatonickid,

Interesting name. :)

Thank you.

Hope to see you around.

*sending good vibes your way too* :)

Kisses.

Luscious Sealed Lips said...

Dear Viyoma,

I guess you are right.

Thanks.

Kisses.

Luscious Sealed Lips said...

Dear Nen,

You sound like you have been in one. ;)

I hate the network problems too, especially when they happen during a nice romantic or otherwise important conversation.

Kisses.

Luscious Sealed Lips said...

Dear Rose,

Yes, he WILL get back. ;)

You too Take Care.

Kisses.

Luscious Sealed Lips said...

Dear Seher,

You are so right.

Somethings women can't take and something men don't understand

What a life, truly! Sigh.

Kisses.

batates_777 said...

Hey..
Allow me to quote some pat of what you said here as story of ever fights !!

"I hate being the first one to call all the time. I hate being the one who wants to always 'talk'. Makes me feel like I am pushing him into doing something he does not want to do. That is not even the last thing that I would want."

I have always wanted to write about PMSing,and the fights we hv then, but so far I dont say it out when I PMS! this is my little secret:) that i will nt let him do as you friend says ;)) i wont be givin him advantage :)LOL

Luscious Sealed Lips said...

Dear batates,

LOL.

I think I should start trying that now. ;)

Kisses.

Onthewingsofadream said...

you know what I have been a sweeatheart calling my guy , listening to him and sayign sorry a;; the time ...but those days are over and over for good ...now I am busy (doing nothing )I just need my time , dont call me after and before certain time rules are there ...and I get headache if I speak for more than 20 min on call bahana is also there ....so now my guy make it a point to follow the rulez and call me ....make sure you hung up on him when u get another call while you are talking

take up a hobby /job /freelancing
go for girls nights when u put your phone on silent mode and zip it out of sight ....you will be amused to see his 20 + calls ...

It works darling ...just dont pretend that U are seeking attention , genuinely enjoy your time away from him ...and life has much more to offer than what a bf can ;-)...once he realise that you have a life and he is an important part of it ..rather he the only thing in your life ..he will make an effort to remain that important someone ...

hugs and kisses ...me too love kisses ...muaaaaaaaaaah

Som said...

Guys really get pissed of when their GFs start to cling, give them space.. and make them feel that they are not the only thing imp in the girls Life .. they will come back to their sweet ways ...

:P

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