Saturday, June 6, 2009

Petty Privacy!

Chatter: Yeah. Anyway R, I was saying...You and I will have to also part ways
me: Why?
And firstly, Why have you been referring to me as R since yesterday?
Chatter: Because when I am talking to you I feel that i am talking to her behind a different veil. You maybe a third person completely...but every time I talk to you, I feel as if she is nearby.
Forgetting someone you like, is not easy, and having you close won't help.
me: Alright.
Chatter: Thanks
me: Are you sure?
Chatter: Yes
me: Anything that makes you comfortable. :)
I am there whenever you want to talk.
I am always there as a friend, whenever you need. :)
Chatter: Thanks...take care
me: You too.
I will miss you.
Chatter: Now don't make me cry...go
me: LOL.
I really liked talking to you.
Chatter: So did I
me: You were a good friend.
Anyway, things always do not go as we plan.
Whether it is your plan of spending an entire life with R.
Or me making great friends with you.
Take Care.
Resource Humans well. ;)
All the Best.
Chatter: ha ha..sure :P
me: Bye.
Chatter: Bye.

For the next ten days I resist not pinging my favorite Blogger Online Friend. The only one whom I hit it off immediately in the first few conversations. Conversations so free flowing, comfortable and random that the last time I felt this way chatting with somebody was when G and I had hit it off. But much to my delight, Chatter pinged me and the old days seemed to come back. We chatted the way we did. We never discussed his past love, R, for another one month.

Chatter: So I guess its goodbye then
me: I really do not know what to say.
Chatter: You don't have to...the choices we make...our actions speak a lot in themselves
Its ok
me: I guess you should know how weird it is to receive mails like the one you sent.
And to be brutally honest with you, This is not a fair way to treat me.
Anyway, to each to his own.
Chatter: mails?
me: I do not think I want to say much.
The one you sent a few days back.
("This is the deal, I feel u r my 'R' parading around with a diff name...but I could be wrong also. If u r not the same person, and you really want me to be around, then please do reveal your real identity...

if you can't and i can appreciate your reasons please do remember me in good light

god bless")

Chatter: Have you imagined what it is like to have loved and lost
to have imagined ones life with someone
to have seen the possibility
and then seen the light go out
just because I am smiling does not mean I am okay.
I am just trying to preserve my sanity now.
me: I understand.
But does that give you the right to hurt people?
Chatter: But how did I hurt you?
I asked you if you felt I was friend enough to know your real identity
and you chose not to tell me about it.
me: This is not the first time you have said you do not want to talk because you think I maybe R.
It is irritating.
And hurtful to see people coming and talking to you whenever they want to and then face their mood swings.
Chatter: That i agree is my fault....for therein lies an assumption i made...that you were her and there was stuff you'd rather say to me as sealed lip than her
so for me it was talking to the same person
not different people
me: Whatever.
I know what you are talking.
But ... forget it.
I do not think I see any point in saying anything further.
Chatter: I agree the point was actually quite I a friend enough for you to tell your real identity...
and your answer
is no
has been no
and that is that
whatever points you raised are fair...but are not the real point
That one thing would have solved a whole lot more
No secrecy
No assumptions
me: The point is a friend is expected to respect your privacy, whatever level you want to hold.
In case it is difficult for you to respect who I am, I do not think there lies a point at all.
Chatter: I do...and till I didn't have a need of knowing that the two people were same or different
I didn't push that point
But now I need to
me: You can not force me to tell or do something. Can you?
And if you intend dong that, please answer, is that respectful?
Chatter: No but I can request and depending on what you choose to do, I have to make tough choices, you think i like losing friends? you are somebody i can talk to and connect to...I must be really pushed to my limits to have to do something like this...wouldn't I?
Now u tell me
What should I do?
Being a friend is also about taking responsibility for your friend's smile...
Is your privacy so earth shatteringly more important than my smile?
Hey gtg
Please think about what I said
I beg of u
I don't want to loose you
I've lost enough already.

It is not for the first time someone on my Sealed Lip I.D. has forced me to reveal my identity. It is not for the first time I have had 'friends' saying Bye because I am not 'real' enough.

Here, is a different world, probably living a different life too. A different set of 'real' friends. A completely different set of emotions. A completely different profile. Just because it is all so different from my physical reality, it does not become unreal. Why is it always so hard for people to accept people as they are? How do we manage to find some 'worthy secret' or curiosity to ruin relationships? What is the level of privacy that all relationships should have, after all? Is the strength of a relationship directly proportionate to the amount of 'secrecy' unlocked?

Love 'n' Peace.


P.S. - To all my dear Bloggers, I have not been regular because of Mood Swings and Business. Will be visiting your Blogs soon. Often I visit your Blogs, read but do not find the time to comment properly. Please bare with me. :) Thank you all. Kisses.

I got another Award. Thank you Ki! :)


Karthik Murali said...

its extremely imp in any relationship to respect other ppl's identity and comfort factor they have built.
wonder how desperation of certain ppl could break that wall and leads to several problems

and accepting the other person the way they are is also another crucial issue , which is certainly lacking in this case

and btw the strength of any relationship is based on how much she trusts u , more than how much she scares her secrets.

♥ Dip ♥ said...

how does it matter if your name is R or L or N or whatever.. I hope this person realizes that it's not the name but what you shared that actually mattered. i mean, it's not like this friendship was going to go beyond an online-blog-friends thing anyway! it shouldn't have made any difference to Chatter but unfortunately it did and came in the way.

rabbit said...

karthik has said it all.

some ppl will never understand what relationships really mean.

Retromus-ik said...

Friendships are just as complex as romantic relationships can be. It all comes down to respect. Good luck with this situation, sucks to lose a friend.

Ms.R. said...

I know what you are talking about. I get that too. I dunnu why. Just cuz we operate under aliases (sorta) doesn't mean it's not the 'real' us. Pfff! Hugs to you gurl. It's not easy losing a friend. Love you!

Kenneth said...

I'l say this as eloquently as I can.

The guy's miserable. You're a "Saviour" cos ur the only one helping him out. Now he's desperate to know who you are so he can take "this thing" to the next level.

It's one of the pitfalls being anonymous. You've taken it a step further, you're an "anonymous agony aunt" to him, so hence the reaction.

Sorry, but guys can be real assholes most of the time.

Anonymous said...

Has happened to me several times. Hate itttttt. And seriously I end up with nothing to say and am blamed for not trusting the other person so in short, I get blamed, I end up apologizing, and also end up feeling guilty...I just can't seem to part from my best friend. I don't know how to overcome this situation...because nobody's perfect and so my best friend has just this one fault...yet it kills me at times.

Chatter was unreasonable. Some things mean a lot to some ppl, so he might seem disrespectful when asking u to breach ur privacy...but maybe it matters a lot to him, ie sharing of one's identity completely...maybe he thinks that it is part of trusting someone. At the same time, Chatter should have compromised because if he was a true friend, then he should've known that privacy is a huge thing for u in some matters.

It's all hurtful but I guess respect is an integral part of any relationship, including respecting each other's feelings & privacy.

AD said...

Why is it always so hard for people to accept people as they are?

i have been pondering over and over and to date i just dont find a simple enough reason.

i think it is that green stuff in our systems. not even caught when detected.

trust is hard and so is acceptance of it!

Vigneshwar said...

pardha hai pardha pardha nasheen hai..........

Anonymous said...

hmm..thts some pretty complicated stuff there...
I guess mis matched expectations are the real cause of all heart-ache...god luck with the situation :)

Preeti said...

i agree that it is important for you to protect ur identity if u choose to at the same time i also see why the guy was ehaving that way ...

I am also a litle restless when i am talking to just a name , though I dont think they are less real but the fear of revealing something to a known person , ur ex , ur realtive , the guy next to ur cubicle or some stalker in the disguise of an Id is what make me atleast talk to person once and then add in my personal friend list , if we hit it off too quickly ...

get back in better spirits ..

sanely insane said...

Dear ladies and gentlemen

now that a few of you have expressed your opinion on the matter I guess the accussed should stand up and be accounted for his actions, and he pleads guilty to the charge of 'not acting in a manner befitting a friend'

So now that we have it out of the way and you know who to call a jerk, we could and that is if you're interested in it come to the question that when the idiot knows its not the right thing to do, why has he done what he did.

So allow me, and I apologize for the draw on your time, to take you back a few months when I met a lovely blogger, the blogger and I got to know each other, became friends and then very close friends. Now while she remained on the very close friends pace, I kind of moved ahead, for me this one had the things I believed made me want to wake up to everyday for the rest of my life, I knew she didn't look at me this way, but I hoped that maybe one day she would feel the same way.

That however did not happen, she remained in the close friends arena and her life took her to another man. I've been in love before, been in relationships, have had my heart broken earlier also, have broken or hurt one or two myself unavoidably, but this was unprecedented. Its like you can see your future so clearly that you could touch it, the kids, the dog, the fights, the whole story and then whoof its gone.

I did what one does when one's heart gets broken, you close that chapter of your life and try and shove it somewhere so that years later when you look back, all you can remember are the happy moments.

So in all this where does LSL fit in? During all this, I happened to meet another lovely blogger, our dear LSL. LSL and I chatted and then we chatted some more, and from strangers became friends. As we progressed I noticed that there were uncanny similarities between the person I loved and this person called LSL. When a person is a 99% match with another person it really does become difficult to differentiate the two. So for me LSL became the other voice of the person I was in love with. It was also a voice I could talk to, to ask for advice when fights happened with the 'love' person.

I have other nameless friends also, Americanizing Desi, StilThinking and while I would love to know who they are in real life, it is for them to feel comfortable to trust me with that. Same was the case with LSL...till the aforementioned heartbreak happened.

In this situation, it became crucial (and you have all rights to disagree with this) for me to know if LSL and the 'love' person were different people or not.

Although now that I think of it, I guess even that wouldn't help, because for me one is the incarnation of the other. Even if they were different people, if i had to close this chapter of my life, I needed to lose both love and friendship, and that is how it is.(as you can see i'm still reading her blog so its not very easy to close these chapters especially the ones so close to your heart)

So that was the why, however while the why does explain the situation it no way changes the what. So while i remain bound to my decision, I place myself before you, accountable for my actions / sins.

♥ Dip ♥ said...


can almost understand.. heartbroken people do behave unreasonably (of course they have very good reasons but they seem unreasonable to others)

deluded said...



that does remind me of an old friend I had.

she did the same thing to me.

but she went away. and then never came back.

now that I think about it, I miss her.

incidentally her name also started with R.


*pops back to his fantasy land to fight the orcs and save his elven princess.

**and no. that is NOT world of warcraft.

As the Mind Meanders said...

Is the strength of a relationship directly proportionate to the amount of 'secrecy' unlocked?

Hmmm... I like the question... my opinion for whatever it is worth...

... I does seem so... we have been created curious and possessive...

And it would also depend on a relationship and the foundations that it has been built on... What is the incentive for two people continue to socially interact...

The chatter obviously wanted more out of the relationship that what he / she was getting...

As the Mind Meanders said...

Lessons learned the hard way... read all comments before offering your two pennies worth...

Sorry... had not read what the sanely insane one had to write...

O.F.C.J. said...

Verrry interesting post! Will be reading more. Please do check out my new one. Thank you!


O.F.C.J. said...

Interesting dialogue. I like the interaction perspective it gives. Will be bck for more. Pease check out my new blog, thank you!


PULKIT said...

it does happens at times... here on this virtual world!
thigs at times comes out to be altogether different then what they seem...
that might have arousen the need to interfere privacy!
the other aspect is that we all have the right to stay in our comfort zone of privacy at any point of time in any frnship or relationship...
these two views do battle around very often!
whatever It is... I appreciate the honest work that ur doing, read a couple of old posts too!
I am following ur blog :)


Rahul Viswanath said...

I always get to read disturbed moods of urs in these posts ..... Strong reasons ??

Raghav said...

lovely writing
very intriguing conversations indeed

DPhatsez said...

'O what a tangled web we weave!

Anonymous said...

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Luscious Sealed Lips and The Sassy Spinster had announced a Singles Awarness Blogathon Week, from February 9th'09 to February 13th '09 to mark the celebration of the Singles Awareness Day on February 14th'09.

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