ZZzzzzz....??

For my extremely few and beautiful regular readers, "If you thought I was dead or was busy shopping for Diwali, you are fairly right. I am broke to the extent I still have not paid my friend Rs. 300/- that I had to for a top up, but I am so bored that I could be dead."

G and I have had phone sex exactly four times in a month since I have come back. He says, "We have grown up." Are we heading for a break up, here?"

I finally saw a porn clip yesterday. It was my second. Saw the first with G. Once, P and I had decided we will watch porn. It has confused us our entire life, why are men so hooked to porn and women hate it. P had seen porn before and had read a lot of soft porn stories. We tried. Googled "Porn". Clicked on the first link. Alot of thumbnail pictures came on the screen. They WERE disgusting. Pictures of clitorises. Funny how most women are grossed out by pictures of female porn stars (do not know about the male ones ;) ) and men on the other hand find it equally or more sexually stimulating. P and I closed the page without even letting the entire page open up. I felt like an arsehole for some days, "WTF! I became an adult long back and I have still not watched porn." That, was the only reason why I wanted to watch porn. Have seen two video in the past one year, since I had tried for the first time. I seem to have no opinions about them anymore. Makes me feel like a 20 year old man, 'normal'.

I just opened my Facebook account. Saw G's ex's picture. She is on my list. She is a fucking attractive woman. G loved her to no extent. They broke up because of her parents. She and G got in touch recently. She was the only friend of G, whom I met on my trip. She seemed extremely sweet too. We got along well. She is on my 'friends list'. But it pricked when G went over to her place for an evening with friends. I tried not to let him know that. But I finally did, after a week. He going to her plac, hanging out with her, staying with her till 3 a.m., going for a long walk at 2 may not have hit me the way her constantly telling him how happy she is to have him back in his life, did. After knowing, where she comes from, it is understandable. She is new in the city and unhappy. Finding an old close friend makes you feel good. I understand. I am okay with it. I have no 'ex' issues. But, it made me uncomfortable somewhere. This was the first issue between G and I, where I let out my thoughts to a friend before telling him. The friend thought I was being insecure. She is gorgeous - I am fat. H probably loved her more. She knows him better than I do. They are in the same city. I am not. Yet, there were no insecurities. I would like to believe I am way above all of this. G agrees, "We are way above all of this... The fact that the two of us can discuss something as sensitive as this so casually proves that." A strange assurance was felt. Not like I needed it, or so I assumed. G - "Are we good?" ME - "We are brilliant." And shall remain despite him getting a hard on 5-6 times a day.

"I am very sweet."
"No. You are fat."
We argue over that for over 10 minutes.
"You will never reach 55."
"Good. Atleast that would lead to a break up. Let us divorce now, only."
"No. You become 55 and then I will divorce you."
We argue for another 10 minutes.
"You are forgetting. The contract says, 'we have to have break up sex'."
"No. Because that break up would lead to make up sex then break up then make up. It will become a cycle and we would turn into the typical couples, then."
"What color panties are you wearing?"
"Pink."
"I got a hard on. (laughs) From where, I don't know."
"What is wrong with you? How the hell do you manage that?"
"I get a hard on 5-6 times a day."
Jaws dropped. Silence.
"What?? Don't be scared. I do not help myself every time. If I did, I'd be dead."
"What are you talking, G? 5-6 times!?" The mouth is still open wide in shock.
"All guys get it around 2-3 times everyday. I am among the more sexually active brigade. We are called sex addicts. But I do not think I am an addict."
"Do we have loyalty issues here?"
"No. If I was an addict I would have had a girl for sex here, not a long distance relationship with you. Sex addicts are averse to relationships."
"Okay..."
"Look. You do not have to be so shocked. If a man is free, on a holiday or has nothing on his mind, he gets a hard on."
"WTF!"
We ROFL.
"I am brilliant. What a pervert thought 'When a man has nothing to do, he gets a hard on.'"
We can not stop laughing now.
"Don't worry, I will not act up on you every time I get a hard on."
"Then who?"
"No one."
"Good. Good."
"But I will try, if there is no reciprocation, then I can not force you."
"Yes. Because if you do, you will be slapped and jailed."
"Fine. I will not let you touch me, only."
"OH MY GOD! Look at what this guy is saying..."
"Yeah right. Men are born to take 'I will not let you touch me' from women but men can not give that to women."
Laughs.
Come to think of it. Isn't it so true? LOL! Poor male species.
"Want to have sex, without cuddling?"
"It is such a give and take for you men, isn't it? You get sex so you give cuddling."
"Obviously."
"Swine."
"Coming?"
"There is no reciprocation."
"Okay then, Bye."
"Okay. Bye."
"What ya...? Why are you getting angry now?"
"Like I have nothing better to do in life, than to be angry with you."
"You are eating up all my Prison Break time. You are eating up my work time. Bloody Bitch!"
"You only gave me that 'chick' type Bye earlier which re started the whole conversation."
"Once a Bitch, always a Bitch!"
"Yes and G is a living example."
"What are you going to do, now?"
"I am answering that for the fourth time, now. Nothing!"
"Do something no. Why do you not want to do anything?"
"Alright G, Bye!"
"What ya?"
"Good Lord! You are boring me to no extent now. Bye ya!"
"Okay. Bye bye!"

We hang up. G has fulfilled his duty of making me laugh everyday, for today.

Love 'n' Peace.

Kisses.

GOOD Morning!

"Good Morning."
"Good Morning."
"Getting ready for work.."
"Yes. So I will have to call you later."
"Okay."
"I love you. Bye."
"I love you too. Bye."
Big grin, which is still on.

Woke up with this urge to hear 'I'll b there for you', FRIENDS' title song by Rembrandts. Just downloaded and updating the blog which I was dying to do since last night.

Today it feels I will FINALLY be good and normal now! Last night, again I got 'that' way.

"G! My family is leaving for dinner, but I do not feel like going, so I am going to be home alone now."
"I know whats on your mind. But I just shook in the evening."
Wow! Don't you want to kill him right now! YES!
We tried having phone sex twice the day before but we had just started with "What color panties are you wearing?" when my door would get knocked and Haha... "I'll call you back" Arggh!
"Okay. That's alright."
I still want to kill him.
"It had been 3-4 days."
"Yeah. I understand."
Bitch!

We talk, after a long time.
"I just realized we are talking talking after a long time. We did not do that since you left."
"Yes. Happy Realization!"
"What? Why are you being that way?"
"What way?"
He gives up.
"Bloody I have spent days crying on the phone saying the same and now he realizes."
"When did you cry?"
Wow! Anyone reading this, Can you please kill this fella!
Now, I give up.
We talk.

"Fatso!"
"Yeah, so? You will anyway divorce me if I do not reach 57 in the next six months."
"Yes. That I will."
"After that I'll become 57."
Confused.
"Look. You will leave me. I will cry for some days. Go into depression. Eat ALOT during depression. After that I will start losing all my weight."
After some time I hear him singing 'Please forgive me' by Bryan Adams.
G said he will sing this song for me whenever he hurts me. He loves this song and has not only dedicated it to me once. (He has not given himself that chance I guess.)
He is singing. His friends think he sounds like Bryan Adams. I could not notice I was busy crying.
"So, how did you like it?"
"Why did you sing this song for me?" (sniffing)
"Because I thought you would like it."
And I thought he thought he has hurt me with the whole weight talk. Even though he did not, yet.
"Okay."
"Did you like my Bryan Adams voice?"
"Hmm."
"Are you crying?"
"No." (sniffing)
"Was I that bad?"
"No." (smiling)
"Are you tired?"
"No." (frustrated)
"Okay."
I am STILL sniffing! Either he is ignoring or he is really dumb.
We talk.

"You will never leave me no?"
"Never."
"Even if I do not turn 57."
"No..."
"You..."
"But I would like you as 55. I can not help but be honest."
"That is good. I am glad."
We talk.

Perfect timing for his friend to call and ruin the conversation. I am drop dead tired too after my gym so I drop on my bed. Call him. His phone is engaged. WTF! That phone is used only to talk to me. His friend called on the other phone. Why the fuck is this one busy? I call on his other phone.
"What?"
"I am busy on the other phone. Will call you back."
"Okay."
I am lying on my bed, thinking, re thinking about how we hugged at the station when he came to pick me up. About how he was going to drop me at a friend's and as soon as this one guy got off the lift, he turned, I pulled him over and we kissed so passionately, feeling his hard on through his pants between my legs, squeezing my breasts. That was 'the hottest moment' of the trip. And then how we reached this unknown tiny town that can be covered on foot in half an hour. There was no power, there. A beautiful dhaaba with a lantern. Perfect lighting. Perfect drizzle. Sea surrounded. We had reached that town on a ferry. Saw the sun set on that ferry with him. Had tea at that dhaaba. We spoke of our careers. Life. Everything but US. It was the perfect date. Walking in the rain in that town. Turned on. I had my hand in his jeans' back pocket, secretly squeezing his butt in the darkness of the night, stealing kisses, grabbing the breast. Desperate to find a corner to make out, but a small town and too many people to take the risk. After an hour we start walking back towards the ferry. We stop at the bridge. Lean on the railing. (I had always seen this in the movies. It looked exactly the same. Could not let the moment go away. And I had always wanted to do this.) We kissed. We held each other tight. Wet bodies. The breeze was chilling. There was the sea all around. Some ferries parked at the shore. The moon light. G and me. We kissed more passionately, like some two characters kissing in the end of a Mills and Boon story. I could feel him hard. My leg on the railing. Arms around his back. His around my hip. Lips entwined. Just could not stop kissing. Feeling each other. Subtly dry humping in the middle of the lonely bridge.
"Are you wet?"
"No. I am in love."
"Oh!"
ROFL.
This was the highlight of the trip. Funny. Sexy. Beautiful. We laugh like crazy whenever we think of the "Are you wet?" conversation. And then we left on a crowded ferry, doing what I had always dreamed of.

On our way to that small town on the ferry, "You know G. Every girl has a dream place where she wants to kiss her guy."
We look into each others' eyes.
"Mine was a ferry. In the middle of the sea."
"There are too many people right now."
"I know. I understand."

Now, on our way back. It was dark. We kissed and kissed. Held his hard cock, without anyone knowing what was happening in our little corner on that overtly crowded ferry.


G calls back. I am tired. Cranky. We are talking.
"One day I will behave the way you are behaving over the phone."
"Now, what did I do?"
"Look at you. You are not talking only. Silent."
"I am sorry."
"No. Don't be sorry. You are just tired and drained, yet you just want to hold the phone."
"No. It is not that. We will talk later."
"R!"
"What?"
"You have been like this for so long."
"You know, I was crying when you were singing 'Please Forgive me' for me."
"Yes. But why?"
"Because I am falling too much in love with you. I love you more than my life, myself..."
"Ever since you have gone back, you have become so sentimental and emotional. I understand I am your first love and all that."
Alright. Here the guy is wrong. He knew about my ex and I loved him too. I probably may not have loved so much, though.
"I probably love you more that my career."
This was a BIG statement. I did not love my ex more than my career. I don't love or give importance to anyone more than my career.
"No R! I don't want that. I do not want you loving me more than your career. One of the reasons why I got attracted to you because you were not one of those typical girls."
Wow! Now, I know why I love him more than my career. Because he allows me to love my career, the most.
"Thank you."
"For what?"
"For being this way."
"Okay. Now go to sleep."
"No. I want to stay on the phone."
"What ya?"
I start crying.
"This reaching the next level in the relationship is not doing me good."
"It is just the hormones."
"Bastard. It does not last that long."
"Okay."
"I have just fallen in love with you too much. Have become emotional about you."
"We will go back to our previous level. Okay?"
"No. You will always be there with me no?"
"Always."
"G! You seem very unreal to me."
"Unreal? I?"
"Yes. Why would you want to be with a woman like me."
"Why do you think of yourself as a 'woman like me'? You should instead think 'woman like me' (with pride)."
"Yeah. I do. But..."
We got emotional talking about how unconditionally we love each other.
"Do you know how amazing that feeling is to know someone loves you unconditionally."
"Now. I do."
"I love you unconditionally, G."
"I love you unconditionally, R. I really want to take you right now. But my mom will be back any moment."
"Me too. But my family is back from the dinner too."

We continue on the phone with silence and I love yous.
"Go to sleep R."
"Okay. But remain on the phone till I go to sleep."
"What ya? What is this?"
"No. Just remain on the phone until I sleep."
"How will I know you have gone off to sleep?"
"Ask me. If there is no reply that means I am asleep."
"Okay."
He kept asking me that after every 40 seconds. How the hell am I suppose to sleep if he keeps disturbing me every 40 seconds.
"Are you holding me?"
"Yes."
....................................
....................................
"R?"
"G! Please ask me after ten minutes."
"Okay. Can I watch the T.V.?"
"Yes. But please keep the volume low. I do not want to be disturbed no."
"Okay. Good night."
"Good Night. I love you."
"Me too."
I can hear the television in the background. Imagination is the best gift God has given us. I could imagine him right there. Watching the television. Me sleeping beside him. Holding his hand. After 10 minutes.
"R?"
Almost asleep.
"R?"
"Hmm"
"Sleeping?"
"Hmm"
"Okay. Now I am keeping the phone down. You sleep."
"Hmm."
"Good night."
"Good night. I love you."
"Me too."
"No. Say 'I love you'."
"I love you too."
"No. A proper one."
"I loooveee you!"
I smile. I feel good. I go to sleep with someone telling me how unconditionally he loves me and will continue to do so for life. Woke up with the same feeling. G is a blessing. What I did for him was a risk. A fucking big risk. But it all went off smoothly. Thank God. All worth it and more. I love you, G!

So true, "If it is not madness, it is not love."

I AM IN LOVE

Now, I can not stop smiling. I feel normal. I feel happy. Thank you G for bearing with me and pulling me out of it every time with patience.

Love 'n' Peace.

A very big hug.
Kisses.

A Happy Luscious!

I hate weekdays. Hating and loving this one equally. Weekdays mean no talking to G at length and this one is also good because my sister is over for a week, which equals to full day of outing and sisterly bonding. This week seems to be bad because my mother is losing it as well. She is just going crazy over EVERYTHING - Weight, Curd, my new shopping, me treating my cousins, how i handle my money, how i behave with her, G!, my dirty feet, my nail biting habit, my face full of pimples, probably she is going crazy about the fact that the pigs outside our house are nowhere to be seen too. Huh. Sigh! Whats up with her? She is not even getting 'old'. She has lived only 46 years of her life but lived as a married woman for THIRTY out of those forty six, of which more than 50% were spent away from her husband.

Like the typically nice daughter in law she left a comfortable living and her husband, with her two daughters only to face a tougher life with the typical mother-in-law. I met my father only for 30 days every fucking year during my growing years. It pains me still to have missed the pleasures of being pampered by a father, getting scared of him at times, facing his strictness, etcetra. Such sadness prevails only at times of serious emotional retrospect. I would not have been what I am today, if I would have been brought up by my father too. Maybe a spectacled software engineer aiming for Harvard with scholarship, is what I would have been. Sigh. I am so happy to be me - Independent, Strong, Individualistic, Sexy, Confident, Intimidating, Honest. It is good to be real. Thanks Mom! Kisses.

Though, today, she regrets having nurtured me into someone who is too exposed. My career plans scare her. "Look R! Do not fly too high..."
"What do you mean by that? It is my career. I will take it where I want to."
"Look. You must remember you are a girl and you have responsibilities."
This reminds me of the day when I overheard my father, not too long ago, talking to his sister say,
"She is not performing very well in her studies... I am not expecting too much from her, career wise. She is a girl. But I want her to have a decent post graduation degree. She has to marry, ultimately."
These words still trouble me. I guess it comes free with the non understanding relationship my father and I share, and comes naturally to this generation of parents who are struggling with their conservative upbringing and our broadly growing thought processes. I feel sad for these parents. They are torn from between, with what they were taught on one side and what we say on the other.

Luscious is happy because she has not let anything affect her. Ignorant and Indifferent. Luscious can not more proud and happy about anything, than to be herself. Luscious apologizes for not being regular because she is low. She is sad. She is missing G terribly after her trip. G and Luscious have completed four months today. No! Luscious and G do not celebrate every month but definitely count when will they reach their first anniversary. Sounds silly but everything is fun and logical when in love.

It is surprising but G and I have not had phone sex since I came back. We will. Soon. We have not been able to relax and talk for a while. He is busy and so am I, in poles apart different ways.

At 09:30 a.m.

"Good Morning. Reached Office?"
"Yes. You sound awake!"
"Hahaha...
Please give me two tickets. Center corridor, please.
Yeah."
"What movie are you going for?"
"Look at the irony. You go to work early in the morning everyday and I go for movies."
"Yes. I am noticing."
"Congratulations!"
"For what?"
"G! We complete..."
"Oh! yes... Hahaha... Congratulations.... Enjoy yourself. I have some work."
"Thank you. Have a good day. Take care."
"Bye."
"Bye."

I love you G. You pull me out of everything. You make me feel so amazing all the time. I am dying to hug you. Kiss you. You are the best man on this planet. The man in my life! Maybe, before my father too. (I love my father, but that is natural love. The one that a daughter has for her father and vice versa. We share no understanding or growing love that comes with spending time and living together. Now, I guess, it is a little too tough.) Luscious loves everyone dearly and genuinely, anyway.

Love 'n' Peace.

Kisses.
Some more kisses.

Crying Baby!

Evening

I speak to G after a full day and a beautiful 'good morning' with him singing Wicked Games, Wonderwall, Romeo Juliet and more for me.

We talk. After 10 minutes he says, "I'll call you after dinner."
It is 20:00 hours then. After dinner means 23:00 hours.
I show attitude.
Cry without letting him know.
Get pissed.
Hang up on him.
Calls back.
Show attitude.
We hang up.
I cry.
G calls after his Maggie again in 15 minutes.
I give more attitude.
We fight.
I cry.
I give some more attitude.
I cry.
I now say what has upset me "I want to talk to you after a full day on a saturday and you still do not want to talk but watch your movie."
I cry.
We talk.
I cry.
I complain about crazy weird things.
I cry.
I talk shit about weight and his ex.
I cry.
He is hurt.
I cry.
I have hurt him.
So, I cry more.
I blabbered some more.
I cry.
Now, I do not remember.
But, I cry.
I have now reached to a psychotic level where I start viewing myself as some crazy lonely female who needs a shrink.
I cry.
I have bored him and put him to sleep.
I cry.
I taunt him for his inattentiveness now.
I cry.
I understand.
We wish each other 'good night'.
I make noodles for my cousin.
I cry.
I call G.
I cry.
"I just called to say 'I love you'"
I cry.
I switch to gmail.
Send him another weird mail.
I cry.
Come on blogspot.
I cry.
Finishing the post, and still crying.

I guess the hormonal changes after sex are acting up. Pimples, bloated stomach, eating unnecessarily alot and crying so much without any reason is proof enough.

EID MUBARAK!

EID MUBARAK!!

It has been a beautiful day and I am feeling richer too. Wuhoo! BUT my vagina is burning. I used a hair removing cream in the morning. Guests sitting outside my room. No antiseptic cream or oil in my room. Walking with legs apart. Just peed too, so you (the girls!) can imagine my plight. And then I got a bright idea! I saw powder. Used that only to feel worst. IT WAS FUCKING DERMI COOL!! Fuck! It was frosting inside. Had no option. Ignore the pain, it works. And it did until I peed again. I created a ruckus in the house for an antiseptic. I have it, now. Sigh. I am looking prettier now, I guess. The uneasiness is gone from the face. I am wearing a really pretty brown peshwas (those long umbrella cut or frilly kurtas, whatever you understand it as) and churidaar. My hair look great. I have no bodily hair. I am excited. I feel great. I am looking DAMN nice. Everyone has told me that too. (Blush? No! *winks*)

Not much time. Leaving in an hour.

I did get my nervous, scared pangs - to the extent that I thought I will die and left a secret note in my drawer for my mom saying 'Mom - I love you. You Rock! Signature. Then my sister's name, bro-in-law's, papa's, mum and mine, encircling it, I wrote 'happy family'. I had shed a tear or two too. Weird. THANK GOD! I am feeling so much better now. Met this old school friend. Came to see me. K, him (H), myself and AR are still the awesome foursome. We had more people in our group in school but we four have remained and stuck to each other despite irregular contact.

H was happy and looked more excited about my trip. I made him speak to G too. I love it when G talks to my friends. He is really sweet to them, always! And I love him for the fact that he knows how important my friends are for me, and how important is it for me, for him to like my friends and vice versa.

So, anyway. I am off. Will be back after a week, till then this blog is going to be inactive. For those of you who have not read my previous posts, COMMENT. I love people TALKING BACK to me. And Thanks alot to those who read me regularly and comment. I have received quiet an unexpected response.

Love you all ALOT! Spread love! And kiss alot - that is what lips are for.

Kisses.
Hugs.
Misses.

Love 'n' Peace.

P.S. - I will really miss mom. I hope she remains well and takes care of her health. Plus, not be too worried about me either. I love you MA!

What a pain being a Woman is!

Eid is on the second now. Already a national holiday. No extra holiday :(. Not like I care much but I am traveling on the second night, will have to leave mom alone on Eid night. Not feeling good about it at all. So bad that thought of getting my ticket canceled, plus I am feeling guilty too (Lying to mom and going to a different city) I have not lied to her about even the biggest of things. This is my first time. I am scared. Nervous. And then, just way too many bomb blasts, so what if they are minor, a blast is a blast! If I did not have K's ticket with me, I would have probably gotten mine canceled long back, but since I have hers and no time to courier, I will have to go now (What a pain no? Devilish smile). Every time I feel guilty or scared, I call K, she knows how to handle me and so I am fine now. I guess I was just not in a good mood in the evening.

Mom and I left for the hair cut I wanted to treat her for. She wanted a hair cut and I got a free coupon for it so I gifted her that, hence it became my treat. :) I wanted to get my hands and underarms waxed. My underarms look like a man's, who has not shaved ever in his life! And the people were so busy there that we came back with just a very sexy haircut and clean eyebrows/upper lips.

It is such a pain being a woman sometimes. The periods, the hair removal, pregnancies - SO MUCH we have to pay for being a temptress! Sigh! Yesterday P and I were broke so could not go to our typical hang out for hours of conversation. We went to her home and after a long time I ate home cooked food, simple Indian food. Delicious! Nothing like it! I ate so much I wanted to start snoring at P's place and not go to my own place. P is extremely excited about my 'lovers trip'. Strange. She calls it the 'mission trip'. Really confused this time. "No P. What makes you think I am going there with a mission?"
"Ahem ahem ahem!"
"P.........??"
"Come on. There is going to be so much of sex!"
"Yeah P! So?", with an extremely confused expression.
"Okay... Yeah. You had always been so open about this. You knew you would do it before marriage.... You know... you were never like me. So averse to it and then gradually opening up to it..."
"Yeah. I guess..."
Silence. Not a comfortable one. She has something going in her mind.
"Why don't you? What is stopping you?"
Deep breathe and "Alright! I have an honest confession to make."
Is it about me? As in... does she have something to say about my sex life? Like maybe I should also not get into it before marriage or something? WTF! How can I be SO self obsessed!
"I am conscience about my body... You know till the upper body it is fine. But I am not okay below the belly. My abdomen is so heavy! My thighs... They are thundering. Okay?"
"P! Relax. To be honest. I was conscience too, initially. But when you are in that moment, the body does not matter!"
She still did not look convinced.
"Look P! I am fatter than you! But once it happens. It does not matter. Even to you guy!"
"No. We are the same size, just that you are taller and have a broader bone structure..."
"No P! I know my body. My lower abdomen is like some huge saucer."
"No R!"
"No P!"
And the never ending womanly comparisons 'You are better' shall continue until eternity unless the topic changes. And thankfully it was P who did it.
"...but it really is okay. Your body type does not matter P!"
"You know... I am not even shaving my under legs because I do not want him going down on me."
"Even if you do not shave he can go down on you, unless he specifically prefers that way."
"You said it hurts alot and you walk with your legs apart for a full day."
"Yeah! But that is when you use a hair removing cream. I have never tried shaving."
"I am scared, actually. It bleeds."
"WTF! What are you talking?"
"Yeah. When I had my stones' operation na. The nurse was shaving my stomach and my pussy (Ggggrrrr... I do not understand WHY does a woman call her VAGINA - A PUSSY!! It is called a fucking VAGINA!! Pussy is for 'dirty talking'!!) and all of a sudden I started bleeding.... It is such a sensitive area."
"Why don't you try trimming? Atleast that would help in lessening the mess down there."
Now! Sh said something really dumb. Thankfully I do not remember, but I remember proudly saying, "I never keep mine for too long so I would not know. I find it extremely irritating that is why I clean myself regularly. I like it clean."

The conversation, by now had shifted to Babies and Pregnancies. Yeah! She was telling me of some clip she saw that had shown the delivery of a baby. "It is so painful that if you watch it, you would not want to give birth to a baby." I would! Infact, I went out for a dinner party recently, where I saw this oh-so-adorably-cute baby, Indian father and a German mother. My God! The baby girl was such a delight to watch and the mother was so happy with her 9 month old. They responded to each other in ways that looked so out of the world, as if naturally made just for that mother-daughter. It was such an amazing feeling watching them. I was happy my elder sister was not there. She has been married for 8 years now and she had wanted a child immediately but unfortunately some medical problems with both, her and her spouse has made this difficult for them and she is still without a baby. She craves and dreams of on day and night. You can see it in her eyes. Its like each on of us are born to do something in life. She was born to be my mother (She is 9 years elder to me) and her ofocurse her own child's. I want a baby too, later in life, ofcourse. When I saw that cute baby, all I wanted to do was call G and tell him, "I want a baby as cute as him." That would actually mean, our baby looking North Eastern when the parents are from north and south.

Not much has happened in these two days. Some cramps, lots of eating, all the more bloating, Eid preparations, traveling issues - to go/not to go. Mom was even asking for my work place's contact details. Fuck! What will I give her if she is serious!? Thankfully, I ignored and she did not ask again, but two more full days to go and she could ask again. Infact, she will! But today was fun with her. It was fun getting scared of her after a long time. What happened is that after we left for our salon and shopping, we came back after over two hours only to see the main door and gate absolutely open. Mom literally screamed. I wondered why. "The maid is there no. Why are you screaming?" "Did you leave the doors like this when you came out of the house?" "Err..uumm.. yeaah.." Fachaak! I got pasted, royally! Apparently, the maid had left before me and I was supposed to lock the house. I ran to th computer room to find shelter and remained there hours after mom was done screaming 'about me' to others. I knew, this moment onwards until the next few days she will sing loudly with melodrama involved about my 'carelessness'. Moms Love ranting about their kids. New moms can not talk enough about the developments in their babies and mothers of growing children can not stop complaining. Bing a mother should become a paid job. God should offer free shopping vouchers, single holiday trips to the most exotic places in the world, customized husbands, whose settings can be changed as per taste and requirement, a mute button facility for crying babies, cribbing friends, and irritating aunties who would give you 1001 fr advices on what should the baby eat/what should you eat/what should your husband eat/what should your dog eat/what should your ailing parents eat, but what the hell do they eat that they never lose weight despite their 'diets and exercising'. Gosh! God is so cruel sometimes!

Tomorrow no Eid so I will go and get my waxing done. I might get some mehndi done on my palms too. Lets see... Really sleepy now. Yawn!

Good Night!

Kisses.

Love 'n' Peace.

The Secret

We all love Sundays! Even if your Mondays, Tuesdays and Thursdays are no different, A SUNDAY SHALL REMAIN A SUNDAY! Its special :)

Woke up with a feeling as if Mom is still angry... Then I realised "IMPOSSIBLE! I gave her such an awesome back massage last night." She was reading the newspaper. In bed, thought of giving a 'Good Morning' call to G. Nah! Lets start my day with Mom today, instead. I wanted to keep my head on her lap. Haven't done that in many days. She has of course read about the Delhi blasts. "Today your cousin called. She is coming from her university for three four days."
"Yeah! I know she called to ask me about my travelling plans. Sadly, I won't be here."
"I told her you are not going."
Shit! I knew this was coming up! Damn! Why the hell do mothers have such a frail heart! Why of all people will I die in some blast? And why will there b any blasts? Moms!! Sigh!
I just give her the look.
"What can be so important, R?"
"Work mom!"
I AM SUCH A BITCH! SUCH A LIAR! It is my first time - scared but it is turning out to b exciting.
"Let it be no. You are not going! That's it! At least obey me once!"
"Mom! We shall see. You do not get such opportunities again and again. Let me go for it. And then... I'll be safe. Don't worry."
I HATE THE TYPICAL MOMMA EXPRESSION!
"Mom, look... If something has to happen, it can happen to me right now right here. No place no time is safe. Come on!"
"Oh! Today is Daughter's Day", looking at the paper.
"Thank God! We finally have a day! Otherwise we would have spend our lives celebrating only Father/Mother/Teachers Day."
Thank God the conversation broke. Maybe she did not say anything because it was Daughter's Day. But hey! She did not wish me! (STARE!)

Door bell rings.
My maid finds out it is some 'thin guy' on the door for me. I am scared. I think it is this really annoying old school friend of mine who considers me his best friend and I can not stand him for even a second! Actually he had called last night and I just hung up on him. He had called when I was having cyber sex with G. He was on cam and I could see his Tom(I JUST named his dick, right now! Didn't feel like writing 'could see his DICK'! Its cute to give names (winks). By the way, I did not cum last night. Not too fond of cyber sex. There was so much to do. See, type, finger, imagine! Too much to cum but enough to stimulate you. G likes it! And I love him on the cam. He has a smile to DIE for. I get to see him smile! But when he is not smiling and has his serious look on, he looks like some extremely boring IT professional. So, I ask my maid to ask for his name and say I am asleep. She tells me "Mix!" Oh Fuck! My friends had planned to come over in the morning. "Oh! Stop him stop him stop him!" Friends come over. We have fun. Breakfast was of chips and 7-up. Showed this other friend from the group, N, my lingerie shopping. Also showed her the B'Day card G had sent me. That card was the best gift!

Later, B joined us too. P was finally meeting him today. I have no idea how did she manage to convince him, but they were meeting! He came! N and I made faces. Mix is a loyalist of B and P...forget it. N and I make faces. Oh! And I also have to look inviting for B. Ggggrrr... Finally B came and begins talking to me "You and S have nothing better to do in life than brainwash P."
"What makes you think WE brainwash P?"
S and L had left before he came.
"The day P starts talking rubbish I know she has spent time with you guys or spoken to either of you at length."
"So? What's between friends remains between them. I don't think anyone has the right to comment on that. And P is an intelligent girl. She ain't an immature kid who can be brainwashed."
"Of course! She is immature!"
"P! Hear it for yourself. Your guy thinks you are 'immature'."
Silence.
I was jumping inside. I loved he confronted and I loved replying the way I did. Though I was shocked P did not have to say anything at all. She was mute throughout this conversation, like any other listener wanting not to interfere because it is not his/her business. I forgot - P is smitten by B and P has lost self respect!
Everyone leaves.

It is afternoon. G and I still have not spoken. He was having lunch when I called. We spoke an hour later. I was angry. There is some random guy who has been calling me for a while, who is apparently in love with me, saw me in my college (Its a girls college! Confused!) and found out my number. Have been ignoring him for days. Convincing G I'll handle on my own. Finally I give this random guy a piece of my mind, all this while I was being decent cause he was being the same. Anyway, thankfully, he did message after that call and called again too, but I literally pleaded which probably inflated his ego and he apologized for harassing me. Swore not to call again! Sigh! Thank God! G called. I was upset. Mom had brought up the travelling issue again at lunch. Cribbed cried and confessed, "I am scared too to travel somewhere down the line, but I REALLY want to come and see you."
"To be honest, I am scared too. Don't come if you are not feeling good."
"The problem is I have K's ticket too."
K, my best friend stays in a different city. I have told mom I am going to K's city for work. Instead I will go there but we leave for our city of love, where our louvres are.
"Post her, her ticket."
After allot of thinking.
"I don't know. I really want to come... What do you want me to do?"
"My situation is similar to yours. I was travelling on the 15th of August to see you. You too wanted to meet me but not at the cost of my safety. I feel the same."
I cry.
"Are you chumming?"
"No G!", with a smile.
"You are close. It will start today evening."
He knows how to make me smile, laugh, turn me on, keep me happy, take care of me, love me... He is just so amazing! (hearts flying on the head)
"So, when do I bang you next?"
"Going by what I like, today! Going by what I want, next week!"
"You do not want to do it until you are here."
"No."
"You want to build a momentum?"
"Yes."
We talk.
"Are you wearing a white bra?"
"No! A skin coloured lace."

We had phone sex. And it was great. When I went to wash myself, I screamed with happiness. I had started PMS-ing finally! Wuhoo! I was running late. My date was around 23rd. G and I got scared thinking what if I start when I come there. That would be extremely sad!

"You have never been so happy for your chums, isn't it?"
"I have! Every time my period gets delayed, I get all panicky. So, when they start I feel so relived and happy."
He calculated if they will get over by the time I am there. And yes, they will!
"You know, I use these ultra thin sanitary pads. So each pad comes in a packet which can be used to wrap and throw the used one. So that wrap is a very cute green. I am in love with that color. It is so cute. I will show it to you!"
"Only a woman can talk like that."
"Well... yes! A woman is the most beautiful creation of God."
"I don't understand how can a woman cry on everything. I have not cried in ages."
"You wanted to cry when you were leaving me."
"Yes, but I did not. I am not saying I am the macho guy who does not cry. I just do not understand why does a woman cry?"
"Well, because a woman feels every emotion completely, from deep within and so gets easily overwhelmed. I am so proud to be a woman. It is the best thing on this planet. A woman can cry when she wants to, be strong, make a family, earn her own money, live independently, take care of herself, love like no one else can. She finds happiness in small things. Like, only a woman can find her sanitary pad wrap cute and fall in love with it. A woman will bond with her girlfriends, shop for sexy lingerie and be excited about it even if she does not have anyone to show it off to. The reason they feel so genuinely for everything without holding any bars makes them all 'overwhelmed with emotions' all the time. That is the reason we always love mothers, daughters, grandmothers more. And that woman is not being true to herself and can never be happy who has misinterpreted the meaning of a 'modern woman' and believes in only making money."
Silence...
"G?"
"hhmm..?"
"Did you just take a nap?"
"No! You deserve an Oscar!"
It is my second. I got the first one on some other long speech that I gave him. :)

In the evening I was checking what movie Mix has on his pen drive. Saw some 'The Secret' on it. It was about The Law of Attraction! I was getting absorbed. It was a documentary on what and how does Law of Attraction work.

All my life I had strongly believed in the power of energy and vibes. What you want is what you will get if you give out the right energies. I was sure of its power when I read "When you really want something to happen, the whole universe conspires so that your wish comes true" in The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. It became my favorite book for this one line and shall remain that way. I know and believe in the power of an active sub conscience, deja vu and all of that. S, too had told me about the Law of Attraction. She was wanting to use it on some guy she liked.

What I, alone believed in all my life and thought was my ultimate power - the [power of thought, is actually a scientific law! As significant as the Law of Gravity. Great men like Shakespeare, Einstein, Lincoln knew of The Secret but never revealed it because what they were was because of this secret. I have done the same so far. I never shared this power I believed in with anyone. Maybe because I was not that sure, yet it did make me feel powerful. Every time I experienced a deja vu, it gave me a sense of pride, a feeling of self control and power. Now, I need to use it on my trip. I of course do not want to attract bomb blasts.

I have not watched the full video. It is a 90 minute one, seen 37 till now. Had to leave out for dinner. Thankfully Mom wished me 'Happy Daughters' Day' after I reminded her to do so. She had planned to get me chocolates but forgot, so asked my preference. I asked for a pastry instead. She slapped my tummy and said "You will never watch your weight no?" A smile. But I really hate PMS for two reasons, 1) The cramps, and 2) The stomach BLOATS! And I have to see my guy in some days! :(

Will write more about The Secret, when I watch more of the video. It got me completely excited. I told G about it and said, "You never know... you might have been a result of my law of attraction... Because you are perfect... Perfect for me!" And I got a BIG E-HUG! The Secret was the highlight of my day!
Kisses...

Keep attracting what you want!

Love 'n' Peace!

P.S. : G is in love with Elton John, Guess that's why they call it the blues and he is trying to sing it for me over the phone. I AM IN LOVE WITH THIS GUY LIKE CRAZY!