Last candy in a trapped Jar

Ever stared at a big jar with a tiny piece of your favorite fruit or pickle or just that last piece of candy trapped in it?

Life is like playing your old playlist from the desktop you left at home years ago. Now, left unused or for parents to skype with you when you are not getting drunk and bored on a table full of lifeless souls and useless chitter chatter, hoping to get laid or just hammered enough to sleep deep. Life, yes, is like that old playlist. Unpredictable. But it is still all that you wanted, once at least in your life. Now, liking Nirvana maybe too 17 for you and finding some old Aishwarya Rai song, blasphemous. It makes you think what were you thinking when you added that to your playlist and probably heard on repeat then. Look around and you may just find a cassette of an Indian pop artist who lasted only as long as his first and only hit in those old boxes.

Such is life! You will question what you did yesterday, crib about today and worry about the tomorrow. At all states, feeling unhappy, feeling lost. Lost in the process of finding ourselves. And there in the background, your life is getting duller by the day and you are getting trapped in the social expectations of this world. Life, my friend, is sitting with a box of strawberries. Some will be sour. And that playlist in the background, surprising. Unpredictable. Yet, familiar.

Today, I have been jobless for three months now. It took one small health condition to reach to a whole new me. Let me put it how K (my childhood best friend and soul mate) put my impulse down for me,

"Have you ever realized how each person is significant  to another's life?"
Such random questions about Life, Human behavior and Happiness had stopped surprising me. Her drug intake had me seeing the brighter side of her. Hence, my response, just an inviting smile.
"Look at your Boss. A typical Indian worker..."
Indian Worker translates to hard working like an ass and bitchy like an asshole. Smart workers in this country are mostly considered lazy and a threat to the immediate bosses.
"...He probably means nothing to anyone. Not life changingly. But to you, he did. And he does not even know about it."
And there, I was learning life's philosophies from a 'hippie'.

No denying my swinging hips like a pendulum - slowly from that typical Indian worker to a Smart worker. Stuck in a rut of over working cause the smartness had been denied over and over again. To cut the long story short. Overworked. Unhappy. Dissatisfied. Falls unwell. Immediate boss crosses his daily insulting measures. Next - Resignation. No. Do not even think of me fighting it back. I do not blame him for my resignation. Its not his fault he could not inspire me (though he did give the resignation a push). Its not his fault I was unhappy. Its not his fault I was caught in that trap of a dull duller life and the social expectations of this world. Its not his fault if I was done with this life. Done with this job. Done with these friends. Done with this city. The new was over. The excitement was no more. And the plate was empty. I needed a refill.

Here I am. Standing in the queue with anticipation. I can see that the table has many and big dishes lined up but I do not know what is in it. Standing in the queue for a while, sometimes I get extremely curious and excited at what it holds. Sometimes I distract myself by assuming what all there is and think of how much of what will I eat. And sometimes I am famished. Irritated and Hungry. And then, there are days when I wonder why did I finish my previous helping so soon. I should have held on for longer. This re filling is a bad decision. But then, the point being, the plate was empty and it needs what it needs.

A month of family vacation. Having your mother, father and the only sibling together with you is not too much to ask when you belong to a happy crazy family which is not dysfunctional. But then, it is, in my case. After more than three years, all of us got together. We probably would not have this year too, if I had not quit my job. I probably would not have met new people and old relatives so closely as I did, if I had not been impulsive. I would have never known how much I need some people and how much some people love me, if I did not pack up my bags and sent the truck home. It was a final goodbye to an 'Independent Lone City Life'.

I have had three months to think it all through. To speak with myself. To know what I really want. And all I want is to know. Know self and the world, more and more. If you have nothing new to offer me, I will move out. And that is what I did one day. Mother called to tell me that my only grandparent had expired. I had not seen her in years. I was not emotionally so close either. But, I sobbed an entire day. I knew now, that space was empty. And my parents were slowly moving in that direction. One day, I will call my children and probably tell them that their grand parents are dead. And that at that moment felt like an unemotional call. I had never lived with my father. Only the initial few years when I was still learning manners and had not learnt how to read a dictionary. The next day, my resignation had reached my office and a call to my father that I was moving in with him.

"I am quitting my job. And leaving this city. I am coming to you.", I said the last line almost like a question. Like I was seeking his permission.
"Is everything alright?"
"Yes. I just wante...."
"When are you beginning your packing?"
I smiled.
"Tomorrow."
"Okay. Keep me in the loop. I Love you."
"I Love you too."

One of the few times when I really meant it. When I wanted to be the first to say it instead of him.

And when I began stuffing boxes. I called K right after just 10% of the packing was done.

"Why are you crying?"
"I can't do this alone. I need you."
"I'll come and see you in a bit."

Well, she was too stoned to come over and help but she spoke to me. She heard me. She made dinner for me. And she told me I was a fool to just leave because she would miss me and I was doing one of the best things by taking this decision. And here again, I was learning life as we shared that spliff.

People will walk in and walk out of your life. You will love, you will fail, you will get caught in the rut of ruts. You will also feel miserable. Dead. Exhausted. Angry. Uninspired. Excited like a child and too experienced for your age. In this process, what mistake we make is giving verbs and adjectives to our life's circumstances. That is another rut. The rut of labeling every phase. And slotting each day in a phase or 'one of those days'. I made that mistake. And what wonders it did to me. Living alone. Hating some of my friends. Definitely getting asocial, mostly. Just plain, unhappy. I was lost in the process of finding myself.

Impulse and Life's situations and your conversations with self will sometimes take you where you thought, t'was now impossible to go. After having dried up my tears on lonesome nights, large whiskey helping after work and love lorn heartaches, I have nothing, I regret. I have come to terms with what I called my 'Yesterday', no matter how it was. I know my yesterday will be a part of present and future. I have come to terms with that too. To believe that quitting your job, moving out of the country and letting go of old people and emotions is fancy. Well, it isn't. If you are open minded, it is a beautiful process, otherwise far more frustrating and difficult than what your yesterday was.

There are days when CT will cross my mind but he would not make me pull my bed sheets out of exasperation. There are days when I miss coming home from work and having the liberty to fix my perfect scotch with cigarettes while I read online but the tea made at home is just as perfect. There are days when I will miss my friend and seeing them for a cup of coffee even when we are just silent but I find blessing in knowing some will be there for me just like this when ever I need them or not. There are days when I worry what it will be like living with your father whom you have seen the longest for 30 days in a year but then, I think to myself what is the ambition of knowing the world and its people, if I can never know my own people. People, whose habits I have naturally adapted without even knowing that they had it. Genes! There are days when I know life will not be mad, it may not be so much of a struggle, it will not be lonely. It will be stable. It will be new. I'll miss my friends. I have given up my peace spots and comfort zones to only explore new ones. I have only replaced friends with family, like I did the vice versa of, some years ago. I have only moved on in life. Emotionally and Mentally. The rest, is yet to come.

For those, who suggested I needed to change my city and pack myself off and away from all that made me miserable. I knew that would not help then. I knew that was not going to solve it from me. Escape was never my way, still isn't. Explore! I now walk out, proud, confident and excited like a child. I know not what holds for me. I know not if I will find my favorite flower. I know not if I leave that jar with my favorite fruit or pickle or that last piece of candy trapped in it, will I find it again BUT I know there will be another jar of new fruits, pickles and candies. Who knows, I may like it more.

Who knows? Lets go explore! Not lost in the process of finding self. But find more in the process of finding. Wander! For all those who wander, are not lost, my friend. Love, Learn, Wander, Live!

Love 'n' Peace.

Hugs.
Kisses.

LSL

Love Sex and Friends.

When you wake up and reach for the left over Belgian Chip Chocolate Ice Cream in your Freezer and then the left over half bar of Twix, the world will know you have not had a good week.

Life is fucked. I would not say could not get worst, cause it always does. Just when I was wondering all of my days what do I write on my Blog, cause nothing except work happens in my life. RH came back and how!

RH is back, living with my best friend K. How does he know her? Reminder - K's boyfriend's best friend, also RH is that sweet loving caressing guy I had a one nighter with. He was gone for a year and has re appeared, but left like a Ghost.

K, like always kept trying to hook me and RH up through out his stay, but I kept ignoring, instead made fun of the whole idea in front of RH and let it go. Despite K trying to place me with him verbally, she would always stick around with him, flirt with him in obvious ways. Where is K's boyfriend? Away for the last two months for work, and will remain away for the next four to six months more.

"RH and I kissed!"
"Whaaaat!?"
"Yeah...."
"No, I could not hear you."
"RH and I kissed."
"Whaaaat!?"
"Yeah..."
"WTF dude!"
"I know."
We laugh.

I really had no clue how to react. Thankfully I was with this other close friend of mine at that time and I just lay my head on the table after hanging up and the friend knew what just happened. Apparently, none of my friends like K. They think she is weird and not a true friend to me. But the point is, she is my friend and I do not give a fuck. I will do anything and everything for her. But this time? I did not know.

"RH and K kissed."
"Whaaat?"
After a pause.
"I am not surprised."
Awkward silence.
"WTF man! I knew this was coming but really this should not have come."
"Well..."
"No well... This ain't cool man. Friends DO NOT kiss the same guy. Ever!"
"Then you should tell her that..."
"Now? When she has already kissed him?"
"Before she sleeps with him."
"My saying will not stop her from sleeping with him."
"Then your friendship is fucked up."
"No."
"Dude! She is going to sleep with the man you slept with."
"Dude! It is not about him. I don't give a flying fuck about RH. Its just as a friend she should not have done that. Its weird man..."
"Then tell her no..."
"I don't think RH is worth fighting over with K."
"WTF are you talking?"
"She sounds excited about RH. I can not help it. I should have known when she kept randomly saying things like 'I can share my man with you cause you are such a best friend of mine' jazz. Argh."
"What?"

K Calling.

"Are you mad at me?"
"Why?"
"Cause you know... RH and me..."
"Oh! Crazy woman! Why will I be mad at you? Are you stupid?"
"Phew! I knew it. I Love you. Come soon. We need to talk. I am going to explode in excitement."
"Ill be there in a while. See you. Muah."

"Why the fuck did you not tell her?"
"Cause I Love her too much. I just can not.... I do not want to kill it for her... She is excited and happy."
"You are not being a true friend."
"I am sorry. I can never be mad with her. Even if she fucked my husband."
"WTF dude. That is just sick!"
"I do not know. I Love very very few people this way but when I do, I do man."
"Stop trying to fit into Godly nice shoes. Get real, for God's sake!"
"You are not going to understand this. It is weird for me. It is crazy. It is not something I am cool with. But I will also let it go. It shall pass away."
"You guys are fucked up."
"So be it."

I did what a friend is to do. Defended her. Laughed with her. Got happy for her. Hi5ed and smiled and giggled like 14 year olds do. But I tore inside. RH was just a one night stand. I was not emotionally involved with him ever, yet I felt cheated and betrayed somewhere. Why did she do this? She described how he played with her hair, held her hand, caressed her lovingly and made her feel like no other man ever has. I just smiled. This time I could not bring myself to Aaaww her because I felt the same and I could not tell her that that is how he feels. I smiled for her. Dying inside for reasons I do not know.

She added me to hers and RH's conversation, it was now a serious conference.

"What do we do about the boyfriend, L?"
"Lol. Finally realized?"
"This whole equation is fucked up man."
"Well... That it is."
"RH's best friend is my boyfriend. My best friend slept with RH. Me and RH are going to sleep together. WTF, man!"
"LOL."
RH was in the conversation but only as a listener. What was he to say, anyway?
"Just for the record, YOU AND I ARE NOT SLEEPING KISSING THE SAME MAN EVER AGAIN."
Maybe my friend was right. I should let K know I am not cool with this before she actually goes and sleeps with my husband.
Funnily, she laughed it off and got back to her usual "RH RH RH" mode. I left the conversation. I'd rather kill my time with this other friend of mine whom I was chatting with along side, J.

"Whats up?"
"Just buying a sandwich. Really need a smoke. Cant find."
"I'll give you a smoke. You get me a sandwich. Super hungry."
"Where are you?"
We were apparently very close.
"I will seriously come over."
"Lol. No. I am kidding. It is 2 AM."
"But damn. I really need a smoke."
"And I really need a sandwich."
"What do we do?"
"Argh. Just come man!"
He came. We sat. We smoked. We talked. We went out for a drive in crazy rains. Ate sandwiches. Came back home. Smoked. Lots of small talk. And then he left.

I locked my house and before I turned, my phone beeped.
"Just so you know. You are cuter than I thought you were."
"Thank you. And you are really sweet."
"Sweet is not good enough. Err... I do not want to kill this but I really wanted to kiss you."
"You remember I am married and have two kids."
"I will still take my chances."
":)"
"Funnily, I have not left yet. I am sitting in my car, messaging you."
"You must go."
"I wanna see you one more time before leaving. Coming to the car?"
"No. :P"
"I can not ask you to come if you do not want to. But I will wait for 5 mins. If you come, great. If not, then well, bye."
"Honestly, its 4:30 AM. I am not too sure if I should walk upto your car alone."
"Come out of your house. I am coming there."
"I am coming out just to SAY Good Night."

The doorbell rang. I stood at my door. He sat on the stairs beside it.
"Hi."
"Hi."
"Its late."
"I know."
"You must go."
"Hhmm."
"So?"
"Stop being an Asshole."
He leaned in and kissed.

Despite all that flirting, I was shocked and surprised at what happened. But then we kissed and we kissed and we kissed. Ofcourse he tried getting his hands inside my shirt and on my breasts. But I stopped him. I was proud. I knew I did not want another one nighter. With RH now turning into a disaster and the last one, well you all know what the hell that was. I just did not want one more to add to this horrible feeling list of mine. We kissed for hours and then he left when well it became extremely difficult for him to 'hold on'. Once he got back. We spoke for hours on the phone. Small talk. He said some really nice things to me. The nicest being 'You look so innocent that it is impossible to have dirty thoughts about you. All I wanna do is stare at this angel face and kiss it.' Just the perfect time to say that. I really really needed to hear something so nice after feeling this horrid and torn about RH and K. All it took was that kiss and his sweet talk and random fun company to make me forget all about RH and K. It did not matter anymore, all of a sudden. I was now thinking of F.

When I told K about F, she was excited. Thought I had landed a jackpot with his looks and job. But admitted he looked unstable and a flipper. That makes us complete opposites. She insisted I should date him, but then it was just one meeting, one kiss. He called the next day, asked if he could come over, but I was with a friend. I messaged him the day after that and he did not reply. I kept waiting all night. But he did not. I was right, afterall.

"Date him, L."
"K, This is going to end with a fuck."
"I think he likes you."
"K, No."
"No, believe me L. Men fuck me, they like you."
"I have no clue what makes you think that way. But just so you are reminded. You end up dating all the men you sleep with, and I do not even stay in touch."
"Also, I have slept with some 20 men and you just 3."
We laughed.
"I cant date him. He is not stable, K."
"And you are not fun. You are boring. You have no life. You both will balance each other out."
"K, Where the fuck are you taking this one kiss? This kiss was just a I-will-make-you-feel-special-till-I-fuck-you."
"I have no clue who has hurt you, L. But this will not end with a fuck, babe."

I did not say a thing. Now, I just did not know what do I feel bad about. About how I am disappointed in my friendship? About how K, despite having told her everything, very conveniently says 'she has stopped feeling deep emotions'? She is flipping. I am scared to see her this way. I really am. About F not replying to my text last night? About me being just a fuck for F? About how I will not find a 'relationship'? About how the stability I am so proud of is just on the outside and inside I am an emotional wreck? About how everyday I feel 'bad things happen to bad people' and so I am a bad person? About how I maybe giving in too much to my friendship without receiving anything in return? About waiting and waiting and just waiting like the Step Sister who has no story but just a pretty dress, an ugly face and the significance of a vamp?

I can not look sad. I can never show or express my true feelings, emotions and fears to anyone on this planet. I can not thank god enough for giving me writing. For if this was not there, my absolute power over pretense and fake smiles would be lost.

May you all Love endlessly and find true and genuine Book Love.

Love 'n' Peace.

Hugs.
Kisses.

P.S. - Everyone please put your hands together for Sulagna , my Blogger Diva who just gave birth to a beautiful Bengali Babe. One more girl out in this world to love endlessly and be loved even more so. Hugs Su. You have no idea, how happy I am for you. Congratulations! You will make a Super Cool Mom! Love you.

Nerver Been Kissed.

"Someone once told me. To write well, you have to write what you know. And this is what I know."

This was to be written a week back but when I did start writing I ended up writing something I did not wish to write about. Or maybe something that did not make me feel too good once I wrote it, thus I never published it. But, after having watched the movie, I am re writing the whole post. I am guessing the way I have wanted to.

Just when Drew Barrymore threw her mic down on the Baseball field, my flatmate1 walked into the room and asked me to lock the door. She was leaving for a movie with her live-in boyfriend. About an hour before she left, my other flatmate2 left to be with her boyfriend for two days because she is taking an off, and even though her boyfriend is going to be busy, she plans to just sit beside him and probably chat with me online to kill her time. And, her boyfriend does the same. Comes over every weekend he is free, even when she is not and stays up all night playing Mafia Wars just to wake her up at an odd hour for her to complete the work or to see if her back pain is giving her trouble in her sleep. Yes, I often hear 'voices' too. But, they are mostly of they whispering or her boyfriend snoring. I guess they are pretty careful. Also, their good luck is that I sleep very sound and mostly early too.

The first two months of staying with Flatmate2, I kept convincing her about dating the guy she is. I always saw this beautiful connection between the two, and RM and I would always convince her and tell her how beautiful it is to be in a relationship. She started dating him just six months ago, just when RM broke up with her guy and now I broke up with mine. The funny thing is RM and I love having our 'Singleton is bliss' conversation and ignore my flatmate when she has a thing to say to us. Why? Probably because we already know how beautiful it is to be in a real relationship.

But I disagree. Honestly, I do not feel as if I have been in a real relationship. It is, more like, having an online or tele soul mate. I have been in two relationships so far. One that went for a good long four years with him sitting in the neighbouring country, visiting India, yet not my city. Hence, we NEVER met during our courtship period. We met just last year, when I went to his country, his city. We hugged and that was the end of our physical relationship. When G happened about two years back. I was not even thinking of being in a relationship. I was losing weight at I don't know what speed and was feeling great about myself. I had guys starting to hit on me. Honestly, the last time I really had guys hit on me was junior school. :P Even though the flirting was happening, I remember going on two dates as well, while I was talking to G and we discussed my miserable dates with these guys who would talk of how I made them feel that I hate men. Well, to a certain extent they were pretty right. In fact, if i met a two three more of their kinds, they would be hated for knowing me so well. G mailed one night, dropping his number because he would not be online and would like to talk to me. I smiled. Felt itchy. It was funny. I felt he was interested in me, but giving me your number puts me off. I like to take my time. I enjoyed talking to him but I did not know if I missed talking to him. Also, giving my number to an online friend whose blog makes me go weak in the knees or makes me roll on the floor with laughter, was something I would not do. Hence, I mailed back a polite short mail telling him "as for d call thing... im not too sure... so... until i den... v hav gtalk :) yay!! :D

c ya soon!! hav fun wt ur friend :)

tc..." I had to go through some 500 mails to copy paste it for you guys. :P And that was that, only for the next one week, until I broke my specs and could not see a thing on my computer screen. I vanished for about three days, but we mailed each other. Sometimes twice a day. Until, I messaged him one night and (like an asshole) he replied after 20 minutes. We got messaging. Then came the call. And the calls increased in duration and number by the day. The I-Like-You began. And at 5 a.m. in the morning, one day, out of nowhere we said 'I Love you'. It took just that one line for me to wake up next to K and break to her that I am going to have my first real relationship. We were excited. We jumped. She hugged. And, that was it. We were 'in a relationship'. In no time, we began discussing how he was going to propose to me for marriage and how we would have multi talented, multi ethnic children. It felt great. I honestly felt that I have never been this comfortable talking to any man in my life. Not even my best friend, AJ. It was beautiful.

Two months later, he managed to get a three day weekend and took a train without any reservation and travelled 50 hours just to see me for 10 hours. Something I would never allow myself to do, but I seemed to have broken all my rules when it came to G. I check into a hotel with him so that we can spend our 10 hours in peace and private. I knew today was the day I was going to get MY FIRST KISS, only this time I could not imagine it. Every time before that, I could always imagine different kinds, different places with different men, my first kiss. But this time, I knew it was coming, but how?

I was sitting on the chair and he on the bed. We sat and talked for about 5 minutes until he asked me to come over and sit beside him. I did. I was feeling shy and weird. It was my first time, like this. I was sitting with this guy for the first time and he was my 'first real boyfriend', whom I am going to kiss in sometime! He asked me to come closer. I moved an inch. We had our hands clasped and just when I was looking at the hands, I do not know what happened, but we were kissing. It took me about 20 seconds to talk to myself and make myself realise that this is a kiss. 'Kiss back', said my mind, next. And when I did, our clothes were off in fifteen minutes. No, we did not have sex. I was for some reason not comfortable getting my panties off. But, he came in front of me. (Something, that would qualify as weird in my dictionary, now. Why? What? What exactly were we thinking?) We made out some more and left for lunch. He talked me into sex over lunch and we bought a pack of condoms before getting into the room again.

We kissed. We made out. We got our clothes off, but he could not get an erection and I could not find my fucking hole! Now, when I look back at it, I find this hilarious and set out a sigh of relief. I am glad I did not have my first sex the day I got my first kiss.

But yes, I do regret having made out to that level or to any level for that matter. It was great. But, the first kiss just got lost somewhere. It was not meant to be that way. It was not meant to be in a hotel room. It was not meant to be without a moment of silence. Without facing each other. With breathing so heavily that you can actually feel each other's chests going in and out. Without having to look into each other's eyes and slowly lean towards each other. Slowly close your eyes and gently feel the lips settling on yours before you start kissing.

I really have no idea about how men imagine their first kisses, but for women, or girls for that matter, first kiss is a big deal. It always was for me too, until it just vanished in the making out and the stupid embarrassing two bra episode. Oh Fuck! I did not just write this. FUCK! What am I? On a spree of letting all my darkest secrets out to you guys? Okay, first the defence, I was not expecting us to make out. Or rather I was more excited about wearing that dress than the two bras. Yes! (hides her face with her hands and howls) I wore two fucking bras the first time I met G. Look! I could not help it. I was wearing a grey shirt and I could not find my 'proper' grey bra. So I wear my 'proper' black bra and then put on this other gray bra which was slightly lose, just so the other color bra does not show. Oh! Whatever. Argh. Now, you know it. Stop laughing! Argh. Argh. Argh.

Anyway, coming back to the point. Bang! Hits you straight on the head with the big fat book in front of me. Yes you! Come back to the main post and stop imagining and laughing at it. Huh. Yeah. So, the point being the first kiss.

G is an excellent kisser. Any of you girls who want to hook up with G now, will be lucky. He is an amazing kisser and fucking hot in bed. I doubt I am going to find anyone better than him in bed. ;) (How I hope I do, though ;)) Even when I did it with him for the first time. That was when I went to visit him for three days. The sex grew to be great. The first was painful. Your hole takes eternity to open up, especially when your first is about 7-8 inches, it is not even funny. But, what about my first kiss. G and I have had some beautiful kisses. Like, in the rain on a lonely bridge in the darkness of the night. Like, the secret stealthily kisses on the ferry. Like the long kiss in bed after sex. Like the recent kiss on New Year's Eve on the pathway, with the sea in front, beautifully decorated and lighted ships and ferries far away in the middle of the sea and fireworks in the background. But, those were not my 'first kiss'.

I am still waiting for it. When I had called up K after my first kiss to tell her about it. She said I was like the girl from 'Never Been Kissed', who took so long to get her first kiss. But K, I am still that Drew Barrymore who was the fat geek in school, yet popular and loved. I am that Drew Barrymore who is still fat but hopes to get her FIRST REAL KISS and pop her leg up or cry and laugh at the same time when she kisses.

Now, as I write the last line of my post. I will look around the fridge to eat something. Clean my room. Put on a new pink bed sheet and lie down with my book, alone because I have long hard day tomorrow, which will lead to an extremely relaxing weekend which I have not had in a long time. The weekend plan only involves my school close friend's engagement to attend. But coming back alone, knowing, I will not have somebody to come back to and creep into my bed just to put my head on his shoulders, get a kiss on my forehead and hear a soft 'Good Night' as he caresses me in his arms. Knowing when I wake up and want to laze in bed and just watch TV or movies with food on bed, I will have no one to cuddle with in my blanket. Knowing when I just want to read, I will not have a lap to rest my head on while he does his own thing. Knowing every time I have a hard day, I will not have supportive quick kisses to calm me down. Knowing when I am too happy, I will not be getting any tight long hugs. Knowing I am not getting a beautiful special kiss which is just meant to be a kiss for a very very long time. Till then, I will be the girl who has 'Never Been Kissed', still fantasizing about her perfect first kiss.

Love 'n' Peace.

Hugs.
Kisses.

When the teenager inside you does not grow up!

Word of caution - This is going to be creepy!

What I talk about today is according to me the creepiest thing ever. You may judge hate whatever me. But this, my friend is the truth. And the only truth I have NEVER EVER EVER spoken about to ANYBODY. This is MY secret.
*****************************************************************

For the first time, at 15, I try curling my hair for a cousin's wedding. With my bunch of cousins we reach the venue and I immediately see him sitting beside the groom. My other cousin comes running to tell me how cute 'that guy' beside the groom is. In the next 15 minutes, she had managed to take all the information out and find out his name and place as well. A little later, I have my superly social mother call me and introduce me to some random people including 'that guy's' mum and 'that guy' and his brother. And just when I am done exchanging pleasantries with 'that guy's' mum and turn to say Hi to 'that guy', I notice a bunch of my other overtly excited teenage cousins nudging me and smiling at him. I still remember how awkward that moment was, and you could see 'that guy' loving every inch of it. He knew that all that attention was coming for him and began some random cute conversation with his brother, aloud. To be honest, I found the mom quite a snob. And 'that guy', dumb.

For the next whatever number of days my cousin was living with me, she would only rant about him. She in fact, got a key chain made of his name. Can you beat that!?! She was always crazy. Now, she is married to her Internet boyfriend.

After about a year or two, I see a familiar face looking back at me in the same way, at some random wedding. Thanks to my overtly social mother. And the round of hellos and hugging follow to fat aunties, sweet uncles, decked up girls and shy boys. My mother sends me to get her a glass of water and I come back to another random aunty and uncle, she is talking to. Once again, I am introduced to that 'snob aunty'. Wow. So, the face that that gave me i-am-familiar-with-you smile at the water cooler was 'THAT GUY'. Yes, he looked cute. He was cute after all, but he has a very very funny nose. The 'snob aunty' was a bitch. She introduced me to her husband as my mother's FUCKING SISTER, and then, "Oh! Sorry, Daughter." I could have punched her in the face. Just because I am fat and my face looks beaten up right now, does not mean I am 40! You fucking pretentious whore! I turn around and 'that guy' and I look at each other again. I sensed some stupid connection. And it felt nice.

After some months, I was chatting with my superly excited cousin. She had apparently gotten over him. Told her how I saw him at that wedding. She thought I had a thing for him too. I denied. It was not a complete lie, I would say. I did not crush for him. But, there was something. The kind of feeling you get when you think, this thing is more than just looking at each other at random weddings.

Then, after some years, came orkut. On a boring late night, I looked up for him. It was strange how I still remembered his name. I saw he had a blog. Checked it out and commented on it. From then on, we shared comments on each others' blogs. I knew whose blog I was commenting on. I don't think he did. We had our arguments. We had our agreements on our blogs. It tells you more about a person's mind. Then too, I never fell for him or felt attracted. Gradually, I stopped blogging and so did he. The comments stopped. The only direct connection with him was broken.

Some years later came Facebook and I noticed him on my cousin's husband's list. The first wedding where we had met. I check out his profile and find him in a different continent. He is in the same field as I am. This did interest me. Lucky me, he never had privacy settings. I could see all his wall posts and know not much but, vaguely about him and his life. In between, I meet my cousin and her husband with my mother. Over the years my mother and the 'snob aunty' have become friends. And my mum seems to be enquiring about 'that guy's' marriage. Yes, my mom is quite a match fixer too. She is always getting someone married. I guess, this comes from her being so overtly social and also being liked and trusted. I am a proud daughter of my mother.

I come back home and check his profile again. I do that for some one week and tadah! He is coming back to India. He he he. His wall posts told me that. ;) I also sort of found out that he is probably shifting back. Not too sure of that. Also, through his posts, I almost found that he has a girl fried or had and who she was/is. I cursed her. Prayed to God to conspire and make him meet me this time properly so that we become friends.

Gosh. After all this, I feel like a stalker. And for what? What the hell was I cursing/praying for? NO. I am not attracted to this man. I am NOT crushing on him. I am NOT in love with him. I am NOT... argh. What is it? It is confusing. Frustrating. Annoying. Fun. Gives me stupid teenage kick. Makes me giggle at myself. Makes me feel like a stalker, yes! WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?

Okay. I have an answer. Of all the people from my 'community', he is the one who so far fits my comfort the most, which makes him more 'marriageable' to me, according to me. He is from my community. Yes, such is my love for my mother that as my age increases, this thing is being drilled into me like crazy. We belong to the same field of work. He drinks. Yes. He gets a bonus point here. He is decent looking, except for the nose. The nose is HUGE n WEIRD. It almost covers his face. He has a younger brother who looks like, he will be allot of fun to have a brother-in-law as. LOL @ myself. And, the mothers know each other. Though I doubt she will like me. Stupid Snob Aunty. Actually, for that matter, if I am having an arranged marriage I doubt any of these dominating 40-50 year old women would like me for their sons. They might just accept me because of my mom. Everyone loves my mom. *Proud of you mommy. How do you do this?*

So, I have been contemplating of re starting my blog and leave a comment on his blog to start a conversation once again. Sounds weird to me too. I am scaring myself. I feel psychotic after saying this, because I am stalking someone without a reason. Wow! What a brilliant time pass to have for almost a decade now. Gosh. I have no idea what I will do. And I definitely have no idea what plans does God have. But, it is this feeling inside of me that says, we will meet again. I just know it inside of me. This feeling is bloody strong, which is why I get restless and do whatever stalking I have done. There is something. What? Time will tell. And if it is 'nothing'. I will laugh it off because all said and done. 'That guy' makes me feel like a superly excited teenager crushing on the guy in the class opposite hers. It is fun not knowing him yet finding out about him. Not being attracted to him yet praying to meet him. Not knowing what this connection, this feeling is, but believing in it. He does make my life exciting. ;)

Love 'n' Peace.

Hugs.
Kisses.

Tik Tok on the Clock! But the part don't Stop!

My status message, "Why is same sex marriage not legal in this country? I would be so much happier spending my entire life with the love of my life, K. Gosh... Distance is really making the heart grow fonder. *Sigh*"

Her reply, "Oh my God! I want you, NOW! You surprise me time and again. I Love you. I Love you. I Love you."

Her status message, "Wants L. Her laughter, smile, tears, love mean the world to K. Marry me L."

My reply, "I Do. (Background - And I now pronounce you woman and wife. You both may now kiss.) *SMMMOOOOOCCCHHHIIIEEE*"

I call. She answers.
"I Do."
"I Do too."
We burst into what I would call a fit of laughter.
"Gosh L. We must really get married."
"I swear. We would never get bored of each other. Have so much fun together. And be like the best couple ever."
'Men are very boring anyway."
"Also, you know I can not stay with one man all my life."
"Nor can I. We must seriously get married."
"I was so desperately calling you last night."
"Sorry baby. I was asleep. It was 3 when you called."
"LOL. Yeah. But guess what?"
"What?"
"I was talking to HK last night and we got all so when are you coming to this place and stuff and he was like I am coming soon. My girlfriend is there. IMAGINE!!! My heart broke into pieces. I have been crushing on this fool since SCHOOL. I feel like such a loser. It is like donkey years. When would I get over him?"
"LOL. Who?"
"Some really ugly chick from our school itself. IMAGINE! I mean if he really had to date our school junior, I was fucking there!"
"I think you should tell him."
"Well, last night I was just so fucking bored that i thought I will finally tell him about this crush that I have had on him for like forever but then this stupid conversation about his girlfriend started and I wanted to shoot myself."
"Trust me L, remember how much I crushed on SN. The moment I told him I want to date him. I have not answered his calls since that day. I was over him."
"So telling him means me getting over him?"
"Maybe he getting interested in you. He is in a long distance with an ugly weird girl. Ofcourse he will break up."
"LOL. But this crush is just so much fun."
"Yeaah."
"We should be together I am telling you."
"I honestly think we will end up living with each other. Cause no man would want to live with me."
"K, Like we can tolerate the men in our lives for too long?"
"LOL! I Love you L."
"Yes baby I Love you too."
"But do you really not like my boyfriend?"
"I have not met him since you started dating him, K."
"Come on. He is just so cool. He is nice. He is a dentist. Plays the guitar. Is getting his belly pierced. Wow! And what else?"
"K! What else?"
"Yeah like what else are his qualities?"
"How the hell am I supposed to know?"
'Make some up to make me feel good."
"K! You two come here. I shall meet and judge him and then you shall get my approval."
"Oh! Please like him. He is really nice. I will tie him to a pole when you come here next."
"LOL. Cool.... Hey! Imagine Polygamy is not an issue with us too."
"Yeah. We shall easily get our lays here and there."
"Exactly. And no issues with living with ONE MAN all your life. How the fuck do other women manage? Men are such a boring pain."
"Those women are fools. We can share ours."
"Hi5!"
"Hi5!"
"Gosh. We must start living together soon before I kill myself."
"No No L, you are not killing yourself."
"Obviously I am. I have broken up. Other men do not interest me. People I am surrounded with otherwise are choots and I hate my work. Argh. So fucking clueless about life."
'Baby, chill! This phase will go away in two months. Happens with everybody."
"Yeah. And until then I shall hide myself and drown myself in work and not see anybody's face."
"LOL. Like not see anybody's face."
'Else I will end up slapping the world. Most people annoy me to the core."
"Okay. Chill. I will be with you very soon. And we shall live together forever. As of now, I will go eat."
"Fuck! I hate you! I want to have mom made food too."
"I will cook for you."
"Pasta? And that daal?"
"Yes my love, with your curd, humus and rice."
"Now I am a happy girl. The way to your spouse's heart is through the stomach afterall."
"LOL. Love you L."
"Love you too. Muaah."
"Muaah."
"Bye."
"Bye."

Does life get better than this? NO FUCKING WAY! Nothing like having your girlfriends with you. And my best friend really does make my world go round. :) I Love you baby.

I am hooked to this chick party song. You just want to get dressed. Fight for the mirror. Share clothes make up shoes. Suggest Advice each other on the styling. Jump into the car with speakers pumping with loud music and hit the party scene having every guy ogle at you and you just have fun with your girls, all drunk. Listen Tik Tok by Kesha.



Love 'n' Peace.

Hugs.
Kisses.

Singleton still remains Sexy

After a long spell, Luscious is back. As I had already informed my readers, I was on a vacation, which was allot of fun. In the mean time fell, mine and Chrys' S.A.D. Blogathon Week, which we planned with so much of ebullience, love and excitement. Fortunately, we received an enthusiastic response but not all were able to participate and update their blogs during the week because of their own valid reasons (including me). Never mind. We loved your interest, anyway and are thankful to you for that. :)

Nonetheless, we have with us five beautiful Bloggers, who promised and updated their Blogs during the Week. They joined us in the celebrations of the Single Awareness Day, which falls on the 14th day of February, along with Valentines Day. I apologize profusely for being late, but I hope these Blog posts on the beauty of Singleton, by our participants shall make up for it.

Chrys and I invite you to be a part of our celebrations, as we celebrate the Singles Awareness Day, in our own little way.

Please visit our Participants' Blogs, read and comment. It would be a great way of showing us your contribution and your thoughts on Singleton.

S.A.D. Blogathon Week's participants are,


Single Hilarity
Saroj
d Rat
Piyush Tainguriya
and
Chrys, my gorgeous Co-Planner and Supporter, who celebrated the Week truly, updating her blog everyday, all through the Blogathon Week.

Thank you Saroj, Single Hilarity, Piyush and d Rat for your contributions and helping us make S.A.D. Blogathon possible.

Special Thanks to Shoe Girl, who helped us look for the perfect S.A.D. Blogathon Participant's badge and wanted to participate as well, but sadly could not. This is the badge she sent to us, which we have further passed on to our Participants. They shall (hopefully) put this badge up on their blogs, which would indicate their participation in the S.A.D. Blogathon.



And Chrys, Thank You! You have been a great Co-Partner and Supporter. Thank You for putting up with me and my absence so patiently. Love you. Hugs.

Thanks to all those who have already read these posts and to those who are going to. :)

Love 'n' Peace.

Hugs.
Kisses.

SLUTTY SITUATION!

I hate the 'what if you are in xyz situation. Who would you chose? How would you react?' I hate this to no extent. Firstly, you can never say how or what will you do because our reactions also depend on the circumstances that surround it. Secondly, it is the MOST SILLY way of asking your boyfriend or girlfriend to express their love for you. It just goes on to show how insecure are you about his/er love for you.

G for the past few days has been repeatedly asking me in different ways What will I do if he dies? To be honest. I am so fucking emotional when it comes to him that my tears are in a 'on your mark-get set go' position all the time. He says it. I can cry. I will not. I have an ego. And most importantly, it irritates me. Irritates me to the extent that I can get into the phone and kill him. Huh.

Finally, today I just told him. What is this fucking way of expecting me to say tons of 'I Love you too much G that I can not live with out you shit. My life will be incomplete without you. I will miss you so much that I will not let you go and live like a zinda laash', like those typical insecure lover boys. Oh Freak! And then, "There is a fundamental difference between them and me."
"?"
"A lover boy would ask - "What will you do if I die? Will you miss me?
I am asking - "What will you do when I die? How fast will you find another guy?"
"LOL."
Typical of G.
"Okay tell me. If you were not in a relationship with me and you had to get laid with either some lover boy types or me. Who would you go to?"
Arrgghh. God G!
"I am not in a relationship?"
"No. You are not."
"Mmmmmm. Depends."
"Depends? Saali Rand"
"LOL."
"Depends. Bloody here I am there as an option and she is saying 'DEPENDS'."
"Yeah. Depends on whether I am in the mood to 'make ..."
"No. Just sex."
"I do not know. Depends ya."
"Saali Randi"
LOL.
"You Rand"
"You Randi"
"You Slut."
"You Randi"
"You"
"No. You."
"You Randi L"
"No. You you you you."
"No. You you you you you you you you."
"OK Fine ya. ME."
"Yes. You Randi"
"G, now you can stop. Stop disrespecting me."
"Oh! Disrespecting."
"Yes. I will hang up."
"Yeah Right."
Silence.
More Silence.
"You know L, who is the culprit in all our stupid situational conversations and our silly You-No.You fights? It is our FREE PHONE. Right now, if it was not for the free phone, we would have spoken like, "I Love you I Love you. OK Bye. I got no balance in my phone.""
Silence.
Mind you this is keeping the phone away and controlling a fit.
"This free phone should be blamed for all. There would have been no free phone and no time to have conversations like these."
"LOL."
"Finally, she laughs."
"I have been laughing for the past five minutes."
And we keep laughing.

Love 'n' Peace.

Hugs.
Kisses.

Lesbian Lust!

This song describes what I am feeling for the past few days.

This was never the way I planned
Not my intention
I got so brave, drink in hand
Lost my discretion
It's not what, I'm used to
Just wanna try you on
I'm curious for you
Caught my attention

I kissed a girl and I liked it
The taste of her cherry chap stick
I kissed a girl just to try it
I hope my boyfriend don't mind it
It felt so wrong
It felt so right
Don't mean I'm in love tonight
I kissed a girl and I liked it
I liked it

No, I don't even know your name
It doesn't matter,
You're my experimental game
Just human nature,
It's not what,
Good girls do
Not how they should behave
My head gets so confused
Hard to obey

I kissed a girl and I liked it
The taste of her cherry chap stick
I kissed a girl just to try it
I hope my boyfriend don't mind it
It felt so wrong
It felt so right
Don't mean I'm in love tonight
I kissed a girl and I liked it
I liked it,

Us girls we are so magical
Soft skin, red lips, so kissable
Hard to resist so touchable
Too good to deny it
Ain't no big deal, it's innocent

I kissed a girl and I liked it
The taste of her cherry chap stick
I kissed a girl just to try it
I hope my boyfriend don't mind it
It felt so wrong
It felt so right
Don't mean I'm in love tonight
I kissed a girl and I liked it
I liked it.

Yes. I want to kiss a girl. I want to kiss a HOT LESBIAN. It is not a matter of being a good or naughty girl. I really want to know how it is to kiss a girl. For the past few days, I have not imagined kissing G (Of course we have fucked in the head on the phone). I have been fantasizing kissing a pure lesbian absolutely passionately, in or outside the washroom of a Club. iDrunk. sheNot. We look into each others' eyes and move towards each other. Push her against the wall and kiss so rhythmically. Feeling the soft lips playing forcefully with mine.

I am not proclaiming myself as a Lesbian or a Bisexual. I just want to kiss, neither make out nor get into the room. That is solely for G. But, I want to know what is it like to kiss a girl. Curiosity, maybe. Excitement, maybe. Different, maybe. The reason could be anything. It is just a fantasy that G seemed not to believe, but I was serious when I told him that. "It just proves I am not good in bed." Of course he is brilliant. All that I have highlighted is the strong reasoning behind my fantasy. Lets see when it comes true. I hope my boyfriend don't mind it.. ;)

Love 'n' Peace.

Hugs.
Kisses

EID MUBARAK!

EID MUBARAK!!

It has been a beautiful day and I am feeling richer too. Wuhoo! BUT my vagina is burning. I used a hair removing cream in the morning. Guests sitting outside my room. No antiseptic cream or oil in my room. Walking with legs apart. Just peed too, so you (the girls!) can imagine my plight. And then I got a bright idea! I saw powder. Used that only to feel worst. IT WAS FUCKING DERMI COOL!! Fuck! It was frosting inside. Had no option. Ignore the pain, it works. And it did until I peed again. I created a ruckus in the house for an antiseptic. I have it, now. Sigh. I am looking prettier now, I guess. The uneasiness is gone from the face. I am wearing a really pretty brown peshwas (those long umbrella cut or frilly kurtas, whatever you understand it as) and churidaar. My hair look great. I have no bodily hair. I am excited. I feel great. I am looking DAMN nice. Everyone has told me that too. (Blush? No! *winks*)

Not much time. Leaving in an hour.

I did get my nervous, scared pangs - to the extent that I thought I will die and left a secret note in my drawer for my mom saying 'Mom - I love you. You Rock! Signature. Then my sister's name, bro-in-law's, papa's, mum and mine, encircling it, I wrote 'happy family'. I had shed a tear or two too. Weird. THANK GOD! I am feeling so much better now. Met this old school friend. Came to see me. K, him (H), myself and AR are still the awesome foursome. We had more people in our group in school but we four have remained and stuck to each other despite irregular contact.

H was happy and looked more excited about my trip. I made him speak to G too. I love it when G talks to my friends. He is really sweet to them, always! And I love him for the fact that he knows how important my friends are for me, and how important is it for me, for him to like my friends and vice versa.

So, anyway. I am off. Will be back after a week, till then this blog is going to be inactive. For those of you who have not read my previous posts, COMMENT. I love people TALKING BACK to me. And Thanks alot to those who read me regularly and comment. I have received quiet an unexpected response.

Love you all ALOT! Spread love! And kiss alot - that is what lips are for.

Kisses.
Hugs.
Misses.

Love 'n' Peace.

P.S. - I will really miss mom. I hope she remains well and takes care of her health. Plus, not be too worried about me either. I love you MA!

Sexy Saturday

After creating the blog, I slept at 5 in the morning. I think of trying but I just know I can not go to my gym in the morning, instead am woken up by a call at 9:30 am,
"I want to fuck you."
"What??G!!"
"Are you alone?"
"Can I please call you back in 5-10mins.?"
"I am exploding!"
"O.K. 5!!"
"Quick!"

Hang up, wide awake.... no one in the room. Check the bathroom. Open the room door.... Mom is in the kitchen, downstairs. Seven mins later I call. G sounded like he'd shook in the mean time, but was still keen, probably because he thought I was keen. Well... I actually was not... I was in deep sleep instead. I was horny last night and I planned to surprise him, instead he called and said, "I called to say good night... I am really tired." It is a fucking Friday night and my guy wants to sleep instead of talking dirty to his girl...Sigh! Anyway, we had some okay-ish phone sex... Don't think I came, he did...(again...was it? did not bother to ask) The room door began to knock immediately...Perfect timing...we were done by then...pretended to be sleeping to my maid and called G back. This time HE was asleep..."Sorry babe... I am getting great sleep after this... I don't get to sleep for so long throughout the week." Ofcourse, the angel that I am, I let him enjoy his Saturday with sex and sleep.

Phone rings

"R! What do you think I should do? L and I had a major fight. He does not even want to see my face."
"What happened?" Concerned... Did they fight over L's penis size? S says it is as small as her ring finger... She did not have sex with him again after the first time. Now, she thinks they need to give it time before regular sex begins. (It is just she finds it too small, specially compared to her ex.)
"Ah! Nothing... It was something extremely trivial... He has not started going to his gym. He paid for it two weeks back."
>>yaawwnn<<
Continuing..."Should I get him flowers?"
"Hand picked."
"But I am in the middle of a deserted road..."
"Stick a note on his bike with a sweet mess on it..."
"YES!! I love you... Buh Bye!", with an audible smile.
What are friends for

After an hour, they still had not patched up. As the wizard of the group, asked hr to let the situation be for a while. Then I called L, spoke with him...cheered him up...he complained...I took his side (it really works!)...we happily hung up.

Called him again after 30 mins. "See me at CCD in 10 mins."
"I'll see..."
"No! I never ask you to come anywhere like this... You will say no to me now!?"
"What are we meeting for?"
"Because....I want to meet you... simple."
"15 mins.?"
"Cool!"

P and S have been waiting for me at CCD for the past 15-20 mins already. After having called L, I go for my shower with a smile. I feel like a true angel after having set up a surprise for S. Leave home with a warning from mom to be back at 3 because she has to go somewhere.

Reach CCD, happy to see them cuddling. P, as usual is messaging and calling her fuck-all guy. None of us like B, P's guy. He treats her sadly, never has time for her, breaks all the promises, never makes her feel special, is unromantic but has a libido lasting for weeks (horny dog! huh...), misleads P, makes her feel terrible, makes her cry, makes her sad, blames her for everything easily because he is a pro at that and P actually gets convinced. What a miss-goody-to-shoes bitch! She gives in too much in the relationship, including self respect. That's the last thing a woman should EVER do! Let the man be what he is called, A DOG! (BTW, women LOVE dogs... ;) )

So, all is cool between S and L, now. I am not being credited for it because P claims they patched up before L arrived. Huh... wtf... fine... they must have! But atleast... acknowledge! I 'tried' doing something nice for friends...huh... Maybe P is jealous... she is always the miss-goody-to-shoes doing all the good and angelic deeds like patching up and this time it wasn't her...aargghh... its just... come on ...acknowledge my efforts guys!! :x

S and L leave to meet some friends and P and I get down to doing what we love. Discuss G,B and sex over chicken sandwich. S joins us after a while. We talk...we laugh...we bond...we discuss(very important)...and we leave to SHOP!!

S wanted to buy a sexy nightdress. (I guess her 'lets give it time before regular sex' is over. See this is what big fights do... make a relationship stronger...She has fallen in love with him again, this time more deeply and is ready to compromise on the size. Actually, she was also being hopeful after L came twice while they were just making out and having oral sex.
I am sure, S is among the 2% who are always turned on. "I see myself in Samantha", came from the horses'(mare's, to be gender accurate) mouth.) And I wanted to buy a sexy lacy bra for my best friend K. I bought myself two, two weeks back because I am going to see my boyfriend next weekend. It is a long distance relationship, and I love it this way. Infact, K and I are going together, her boyfriend is in the same city. We are going crazy with excitement! We will be travelling together for the first time! Wuhoo!! She also thinks, I have finally grown up, because G is my first 'proper proper' boyfriend and I was considered among the 2% who are asexual. Thank God G happened! Sigh!

Anyway, and so... S found a sexy lace pink short nightdress which also had the matching string tying pantie. Damn! I've always wanted those panties... Yes! Even when I was asexual. Expensive, low on cash, borrow from friends! We now move to the other shop from where I have to get K's bra. I told her that will be her B'day gift, it is in some days. She said she wanted something in bright pink, got her something absolutely different. I love that color and I know it will look hot on K. (Remember we are best friends, not lesbians!) That is how well we know each other. She is my soul! God! I love her!! Kisses!

While checking out other stuff, they HAVE those string tied panties...Yeaaa!! They 'also' have the black lace pantie. In a fix! Shit! "Which one girls?" P came to my rescue...my love...angel...(she really is an angel :) ) "Black! This will look better on our sizes" Ouch! I hate this size business! But with an obese body, you have limited choices! Gggrrr.... The world is getting heavier by the day, yet limited stuff for the larger population of the world...the obese community :(

P on the phone again... Sometimes I feel I spend much better time G by being miles away than P spends with B in spite of being in the same city. They fight! (hahaha... I love it! The invisible horns come out!) B is not meeting P, tomorrow, AGAIN! (Because he is a B=Bastard!) Because he has work! Self claimed Work-a-holic, L is his friend and tells us 'he does nothing!' I knew it! >>punch the palm<<

So, P is fighting and S n I hear her say "Now B, that is an insult!" Phew! Thank God she found something offensive! S and I looked at each other, smiled. I pass th bottl of 7-up we are sharing to P and say, "Last sip for a handsome husband." (B has a reciding hairline!) She repeats that to B. He gets pissed. They hang up. P upset. We smiling! (Bitches...yes we know! the horns grow in size ;) )

"P!", screaming for her to come back. She is literally storming away.
"No! Let me go home... You guys carry on."
"Alright we will. But what happened?"
"He nevr has time to meet me.... blah blah blah bla bah ba b.....">>eeyyaawwnn<<
"P! Do you mind acting pricey?"
"No ya! I can't"
"Hang up on him!"
"No! He does not like it!"
"Like, you like the way he talks to you.... (That asshole was free today, doing nothing, and when P asked him to meet her, he said 'Now I am not that free' WTF! Bastard, isn't it?) Give it to him when he deserves it..."
S with her helmet on all ready to drive off her bike, "Look at us... Act pricey! ;) "
Now! was really the time. It was just perfect!
"P.... I'll be blunt honest... on your face I am telling you... the day is not far when you will lose your self respect completely (Though I already think, she has.)"
In confused disbelief, as if her sub conscious was agreeing, "You really think so?"
S n I, simultaneously, "YES!"
Shit! Yes Yes Yes! This is working! She looks convinced now! Big grins!
Adding drama, "You will lose respect among friends too."
She ofcourse has a hint that we are not too fond of her undeserving love interest.
And P leaves with agitation, "I will abuse him all my way back."
Way to go, girl!
Hugs!
We are oh-so-happy! Dying to call N and U and inform them immediately. S n I left to meet L, again. After gossiping and eating alot at his bakery, I realise it is past 4. Missed call from mom. I have crossed my deadline. I call and the tone says 'I am screwed', content says 'You are done'. She had left home, locked. Fuck! I ran... I was approx 50 mins. away from home. Ran, literally. Thankfully I knew where she was going, called so that I could pick the keys. She was mad... I'd like to believe angry because she was not answering my calls. Frantically called my aunt, who was with her. Passed on the mess, got the keys, finished the work she has asked me to do and got home. Sigh!

Home Alone! Trying my new sexy night dress with the new lingerie. The thought of what would follow when I wear this for G next week, gets me excited. I call. Role Reversal. "G! I want you to fuck me!"
"What are you wearing?" (His fav. question and for the first time I was dying to answer it)
"I can not keep secrets from you. I bought a purple satin night dress and a lace bra with a black lace pantie."
"Fuck! I knew you had bought new lingerie, the way you were talking in the past days."
We have great phone sex. We talk, finally! I crib about how I wanted to surprise him but ruined it. He is super cute, says he will still be surprised. :) I love him, completely!

I get online. Mom is back. SHE IS REALLY ANGRY! She thinks I am misusing my freedom... Alright... considering I am going away to see my boyfriend with out telling her...YES I AM! But otherwise... alright okay... She really does not ask me to do much for her and today if she asked me to come back on time... I should have... but I honestly did not realise the time until she called... :( I am feeling bad and I am also scared... I have to leave next week... I do not want to upset her :(

I love her alot! She is God to me! Kisses Momma!

Kisses to you too from Luscious Sealed Lips! <>

Love 'n' Peace!